


Spreading My Wings

by GleekMom



Series: Ready to Fly [8]
Category: Glee
Genre: Past Child Abuse, Ready to Fly Series, Season 5 and 6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 76,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6715903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleekMom/pseuds/GleekMom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 8 of the Ready to Fly Series: Blaine has finally graduated and moved to New York with his fiancé and best friends. He doesn't know what life in the city will bring, but he quickly learns he needs to spread his wings to fly. ***Season 5/6 Glee: New York companion series***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New New York

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Part 8 of the Ready to Fly Series!
> 
> I'm so glad to have you back to this new more mature all New York (at least for a while) Glee companion story! I'm sure most of you know, but for anybody new, this story was written each week in conjunction with the episodes and really the rest of the series should be read first for everything to make complete sense. 
> 
> New New York was amazing! It was so incredible there was very little for me to add to it and yet somehow this chapter is 5,000 words. It's less dialogue than usual, more narrative, heavy and dense at times, but I hope you all like it.
> 
> This chapter starts where Ready to Fly ended. So here's what you didn't really miss on Glee.

It was perfect.

From the first moment Blaine stepped off the plane and Kurt took his hand at baggage claim and led him down into the subway, across the city, and up the street to their Bushwick apartment, it was nothing but perfect. Most especially the way Kurt's hand gripped his loosely, with lazy familiarity, as if every day of their lives they had walked hand in hand down the street just as they did that day.

Except they hadn't.

Kurt peered down at him, a brow crooked with curiosity and a small laugh escaping his lips. "What's got you looking tinkled pink?" he asked with an amused smirk.

"You're holding my hand," Blaine said with a wonder in his voice that made Kurt laugh again.

"Well of course I'm holding your hand silly, you act like I've never held it before."

"You haven't Kurt," Blaine said softly. "Not like this." They stopped in front of Kurt's apartment, their apartment, and Blaine gazed down at their fingers laced together in awe. "This is real. This is safe, Kurt." He looked up and Blaine's eyes were wet and heavy and completely full of love. "This is walking hand in hand in Central Park and going to classes together, and living together, and loving each other. This is kissing you wherever and whenever I want."

"Whoa, hold up there Romeo," Kurt teased lightly but there was a flash of caution in his eyes that wasn't missed. "We're still in Bushwick."

Blaine wasn't going to let that deter him though. With a step forward he declared that this was his moment. Their moment. And no one and nothing was going to take it from them. "This is Blaine and Kurt Hummel-Anderson," he purred defiantly, his lips only inches from Kurt's.

Kurt's heart beat quickly with nerves, but he had to swallow against the electricity that was now coursing through his veins. "Anderson-Hummel," he choked out.

"Whatever you want my love," Blaine whispered seductively before stealing a kiss and running inside.

"Oh thank God Rachel is in Boston," Kurt murmured breathlessly, grabbing Blaine's abandoned bag and rushing in after him.

* * *

One week. That's how long complete and utter bliss lasted. Lazy days of falling asleep next to each other and waking up next to each other in the quiet solitude of their empty loft, filling the hours in between with lazy kisses and passionate lovemaking followed by passionate kisses and lazy lovemaking. Blaine cooked blueberry pancakes and French toast and crepes, he prepared fresh squeezed orange juice and fresh brewed coffee for heavenly mornings of breakfast in bed, crossword puzzles, theater reviews and more kissing. There was always kissing.

They christened the couch and the table and Rachel's bed just for fun and they dreamt of a lifetime of nothing but a domestic paradise of pillow fights and dancing naked in the middle of the living room.

Neither of them wanted to believe that anything could so drastically change what they had, but they both knew that this paradise was not forever.

_**From Sam to Blaine [3:46pm]: Hey man. Artie's Mom and I just dropped him off at his dorm and he's doing great. I should be there in about 20 minutes. Thanks for letting me crash!** _

"It's only for a little while Kurt, I promise. I'm sure he'll find a place by the time Rachel gets back from Boston, and maybe we'll even get a few more days to ourselves in between." Blaine wiggled his eyebrows but Kurt wasn't buying his optimism. Nothing would beat the rent of the loft shared four ways once Sam got used to it.

But still, even Kurt couldn't deny it was fun having Sam around.

They all went out with Elliott, just the five men around town while they could before the girls inevitably all descended back upon them. Blaine vetoed beer night, Kurt vetoed the sports bar, and together they vetoed Sam's valiant attempt at convincing them they'd enjoy a strip club. Sam vetoed the art museum and Artie strongly vetoed a trip out to the Statue of Liberty, leaving them walking around New York for about an hour before Elliott led them all to Bamboo 52, a sushi bar in Hell's Kitchen.

"I used to know a guy who waited tables here," he explained. "Food's good, plus it's Karaoke night."

Elliott and Kurt regaled the newcomers with stories of living and working in the city and the ins and outs of getting by in schools where egos and reputations were more important than grades. Blaine reveled in the fact that he could touch Kurt's shoulder or place a hand on his thigh or whisper sweet nothings in his ear without worrying that someone was going to come over and make a scene. The five of them got off without a hitch and when Karaoke inevitably started they sung in nearly every combination, in every genre.

Sam got in the way and took over the couch, playing video games from noon when he woke up to 4am. Gone were the days of lazy lovemaking and dancing naked in the living room but there were even better nights of watching television together and laughing and playing games, reminiscing about late nights of gaming with Finn and Puck in the Hummel living room and Blaine realized that no matter how scary starting a brand new life in New York was, with his boyfriend and his best friends by his side, everything was absolutely perfect.

* * *

"So what was your favorite part of the first day of school. Go!" Blaine asked with an excited grin.

They'd always had lunch together in school, either inside the cafeteria at Dalton or outside in the courtyard at McKinley. But the $15 boxed lunch from North Square they could share on the Washington Square lawn was quickly becoming Blaine's new favorite tradition and it was only their first day.

"Hmmm…let's see." Kurt thought as he took a bite of the Grilled Chicken Club then opened his eyes with wide excitement. "I actually think our Acting 2 class is gonna be phenomenal." He grabbed a few fries and waved them around while he talked. "Our professor once worked with Helena Bonham Carter in Planet of the Apes. I can't wait to ask her a million questions!"

"Did you have to keep that journal for Acting 1?" Blaine asked, delicately cutting a slice of apple with their plastic knife. "I'm thinking of going to Barnes and Noble this weekend to get a good one. Maybe leather bound, embroidered. Do you still have yours?"

"I'm pretty sure I went to the NYADA bookstore and got just a spiral notebook. It was blue maybe?" Kurt hadn't thought about that notebook in half a year and he didn't want to start now and he certainly didn't want Blaine to ask to read it. It was full of break up angst mixed with youthful idealism. "Elliott thinks journaling is a great way to start writing new lyrics. Maybe you should try it? You've always wanted to write your own songs."

"I don't know," Blaine shrugged shyly. "I think the songwriting might be best left to Rachel and Marley."

"Rachel's a little busy for songwriting right now, don't ya think?" Kurt mused sarcastically. "Even as a part-time student until _Funny Girl_ opens she has her hands plenty full. Which of course is fabulous for us since it means she's barely in the apartment…unlike a certain somebody else." He muttered the last part to himself.

"Well I think it's good Rachel's busy," Blaine said, ignoring the dig at Sam, which he recognized to be happening more and more frequently. "She needs to keep busy. She seemed really happy when she came back from Boston. And Nick was able to get there in time to see one of the final performances. He said she was great."

"He was probably just happy that Quinn had come up from New Haven," Kurt smirked.

Blaine smiled and shook his head. "No he was actually pretty pissed I didn't tell him she was seeing it the week before. Said he would have stayed in a hotel for the week if he had known."

"So I take it you haven't broken the news to him that Quinn and Puck are back together?" Kurt grinned.

"Nah, I couldn't break his little heart." Blaine took a gulp of the Limonata then passed it to Kurt. "I'll wait until he finds a girl at school and then hope that she's better than his high school pipe dream."

"Speaking of high school dreams, you speak to Santana lately? Elliott thinks she and Brittany are going to run away and get married before they come back to the city to become rich and famous," Kurt said.

"I think Santana has abandoned her dreams of notoriety to buy a tiny little house with Brittany in the town of Eresos," Blaine said. He leaned back on the grass, folding his arms beneath his head and gazed up at the blue sky. The breezes were starting to pick up and before they knew it the winter winds would start chilling the air, making it too cold for picnics. Maybe Santana had the right idea. "She says the water is crystal clear, the beach is long and dark with volcanic sand." He turned his head to look up at Kurt and grinned. "Maybe we should honeymoon there."

"It's Lesbos, sweetheart, not gaybos, I think we would stand out like a sore thumb," Kurt quipped. He laid down next to Blaine, his head perched on his hand looking down on him. "Besides, I thought we weren't going to make any wedding plans until at least Christmas."

"We have to make at least some plans by then Kurt, we have to offer the folks a little bit of a bone." Besides Blaine was pretty certain that his mother was making her own plans as they spoke. He wasn't supposed to know, but the guest list was already being scrupulously scrutinized. He'd have relatives flying in from the Philippines that he'd never even met before. Hell she was already preparing a short list of potential sponsors for them.

"Your Mom and I will have a blast planning every dramatic detail," Kurt promised. "After Christmas. Now hush." With a smile he grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him up. They gathered their trash and walked hand in hand back to the NYADA campus.

* * *

_**From Blaine to Santana [12:45pm]: Please tell me you and Brittany aren't getting married.** _

_From Santana to Blaine [12:50pm]: Brittany and I aren't getting married._

_**From Blaine to Santana [12:52pm]: Are you just saying that because I told you to tell me or do you mean it.** _

_From Santana to Blaine [12:55pm]: You'll just have to wait and find out. Now stop texting me this is gonna cost a fortune._

_**From Blaine to Santana [12:58]: I'll pay you back. DON'T STEAL MY THUNDER LOPEZ, KURT AND I GET MARRIED FIRST!** _

_**From Blaine to Santana [1pm]: Santana…** _

_**From Blaine to Santana [1:03pm] Santana…?** _

_**From Blaine to Santana [1:05]: Hurry home, I miss you. xoxo** _

* * *

_Everything has its season_  
_Everything has its time_  
_Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme_

It became a habit of his, anytime Kurt had work at the diner. It wasn't that he didn't love the loft the way it was, because he did. But it had so many touches of Rachel and Kurt, he just wanted to add his own touch to it also, so that he felt like it was home and he wasn't just crashing like Sam.

_Cats fit on the windowsill_  
_Children fit in the snow_  
_Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?  
_

His first few purchases had been small and welcome. He'd discovered a quaint little antique store where he could buy old guitar picks and he arranged them in a shadow box he'd put on one of the shelves. He'd bought a SodaStream so they could stop spending money on 12 packs of sugar-laden soft drinks and he could make healthy freshly fizzed drinks for them all.

But then Kurt started yelling at him that it was too loud. And the sofa he'd purchased with such enthusiasm was infested with bedbugs and though Kurt didn't make him feel like he was to blame for the barely averted disaster, he certainly felt he was. And he knew he had to make it right, for both of them.

_Rivers belong where they can ramble_

So when he found the lamp and the desk the next day after class he realized that what he truly needed was his own little space, his own little corner of the apartment that he could call his own. He stopped at a local theater supply store on the way home and bought spike tape and as soon as he arrived he set to work on spiking it all out on the floor. When Kurt got home from the music store with Elliott, he was going to love it.

_Eagles belong where they can fly_

And when Sam came back Blaine was proud of him for cutting his hair and for booking his first job and even for finding a place and moving out of the apartment. He didn't really expect the pain in his heart at the idea of Sam no longer being around all the time. The fear of losing him to the exciting world of modeling, to Paris and Milan and wherever else his life would take him, had him on edge. But this would be better for them he told himself. Kurt would be relieved that Sam was moving out and the loft would be less crowded. This was exactly what they needed. To make the apartment feel like he belonged.

_I've got to be where my spirit can run free_

Except Kurt never even gave him the chance to tell him Sam was moving out. Instead Kurt screamed that his decorating was hideous, that Blaine couldn't just barge into the apartment like he was at McKinley doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, as if that had ever even been true. Kurt declared the loft _his_ home and admitted he'd run to _Elliott_ to talk about _their_ problems. Kurt called him psycho and pouty and weird and annoying and just for a flash it was like he was 14 years old again being demeaned by his father. But he fought his instinct to apologize and make it right and instead he fought back, which was progress.

But as he backed out of the apartment, not running away he told himself, just making a point, tears blurred his step. Because Elliott had told Kurt he needed boundaries and there was only one reason Blaine could think of why Elliott Starchild would be trying to ruin the only thing that truly mattered to him.

As much as he'd wanted it to be, the loft wasn't his home and he didn't belong there.

_Got to find my corner of the sky_

* * *

Leaving Elliott's apartment Blaine knew he still needed time. He needed perspective. He wasn't running away, he would never run away again, but he needed to sort out his thoughts, get his head on straight and give Kurt the chance to do the same. And there was no better place than the island where freedom was born to find a bit of his own.

He bought his ticket and took a seat on the ferry. There was something about the smell of salt water and the cool breeze in the open air that helped him see just how suffocating he must have been.

He'd been an idiot, going to Elliott's. Kurt's words had hurt and scared him and he'd needed a scapegoat, someone else to blame, because admitting that there were problems between him and Kurt was so much harder than blaming someone else. But he had to face the truth. This time there was no Sebastian or Chandler or Eli coming between them. There was no one else to blame. This time, for the first time, it was just about them.

Things weren't perfect. Their relationship wasn't perfect and living together wasn't perfect and he'd known all along he was part of the problem. He'd even asked outright in Mime class but Kurt hadn't admitted it and his heart had just told him to love Kurt more, to catch up harder, to hold on tighter and to never let go now that he was here. And he needed Kurt. He needed him to feel safe and loved and capable of making it at NYADA and he needed to take care of Kurt; to make him breakfast in bed and tuck him in at night and most of all he needed Kurt to need him just as much.

He was his father's son.

They were different in so many ways but in one very important way they were exactly the same. They needed to be the most important person in the world to the people they loved in order to know that they mattered. Because no one had ever taught them that they mattered on their own.

Just as he'd told Elliott, the boundaries he'd learned to build in his life were walls to protect himself, to keep the bullies and the pain out so he would stop being hurt. Back at Dalton where the walls of protection had been real it had been a battle just to let himself be vulnerable enough to let Kurt inside. But once he had, he promised himself he would never keep Kurt out again. It was hard to redefine that now, to come to terms with the fact that he and Kurt had to build boundaries between one another. It still seemed wrong in some ways, even though he knew that without it Kurt would wilt like the flower denied sunshine or air.

He stepped off the ferry and onto the Island. He took some time to clear his mind. He went on a tour, learning about the history of the island and the statue and hearing about the journey immigrants had taken to escape war and oppression. He thought of his mother and her family, choosing a life in America with more opportunity for themselves and their children. He thought of the family he hadn't met yet, still back in the old country. The family he would meet on his wedding day.

After the tour he drifted to the edge of the Island and gazed across the harbor to the city, so packed with buildings and people and not a tree in sight and suddenly in the serene beauty of the Island he understood what Elliott had meant. A person could feel trapped inside of it, unable to escape like a rat in a cage. And he never wanted to cage Kurt. He never wanted Kurt to feel the way he had growing up.

He found himself dialing the number before he even realized. He settled in the shade on the grass beneath a tree and leaned against the bark. "Hey Dad," Blaine said nervously into the phone. "I need to talk with you about something."

"Well, that doesn't sound good," the Colonel quipped. "What's up? Things with school are okay I hope."

"No school is fine Dad, it's, well…" Blaine hesitated, not exactly sure why telling his Dad was so hard, but it was. "Kurt and I are fighting," he confessed softly. "I can't do anything right and he's being ridiculously stubborn and saying he needs space and maybe you were right." There it was. That was the reason it was so hard. He took a breath, but only silence filled the line. "Dad, are you there?"

A tiny laugh escaped the Colonel. "I'm sorry, I just don't ever think you've said I've been right about anything before. Left me speechless for a minute."

Blaine chuckled softly, letting it calm him now that the words were out. "Well, I wouldn't get used to." He laid his head back and closed his eyes, the sun shining warmly on his face.

"So what do you plan to do?" John asked carefully.

"I don't know," Blaine sighed. "Maybe it would've been better if Sam and I had just gotten a place. Maybe it would have been better to wait." He was almost afraid to ask, knowing what the answer would be. But he couldn't resist. "What do you think?"

"I think you need to do whatever's right for you and Kurt," John said. "Just make sure that if you're moving in with Sam that he can cover his part of the rent, I'm paying for you not him."

"Yes sir," Blaine answered by rote. But his own worries only led to others. "How are you and Mom doing?"

"Well, Mom and I are still living together, and doing great," he answered lightly.

"Must be 'cause I'm not there." Blaine was trying to make a joke but they both knew it was anything but.

"We are living together because you're not here, yes," his father told him. "But we are not doing great because you're not here. We're doing great because we waited until it was right. Nothing that happened between us was ever your fault, you understand that?"

"Yeah," Blaine whispered, knowing very well it was true but right now he was just a little bit insecure. "It's just, apparently I'm not that easy to live with," Blaine scoffed with self-deprecation.

The Colonel was quiet a minute, then spoke tentatively. "Can I try and be right about one more thing?"

It made Blaine smile. "Well, I don't know if you can manage twice in one day," he teased.

"I'll give it a go," the Colonel said. "It seems like you need to be around Kurt all the time. I think you need constant reassurance that he's there, that he's not leaving, and that he still loves you. Am I right?" He waited a second for Blaine to deny it, but of course Blaine couldn't. "That's my fault too. I wasn't a good father Blaine, even before the war. I smothered you, never offered you an inch of freedom. And then when I came back…" He sighed and Blaine could feel the pain in his father's voice. "I know I wasn't there anymore unless it was to hurt you. I thought I was giving you what you needed but I let my own pain guide me. I never let you learn to trust. Instead I taught you there was no way of knowing from one day to the next if someone was going to love you or hate you, keep you safe or hurt you. But now it's time to learn."

Blaine bit his lip. His father was right of course. It's why he'd backed away Kurt's senior year and why he'd cheated when Kurt left for New York. It was funny that he was the one who believed in soulmates and yet Kurt was the one who had faith that Blaine's love was forever. As much as he talked a good game, deep inside Blaine had always been afraid that he was wrong, that Kurt would forget him if he wasn't around or stop loving him if he didn't do everything for Kurt. Kurt's love for him couldn't possibly be forever because Blaine had never before had someone who had just always loved and protected him no matter what.

"You're an adult now Blaine," his father was saying. "And you love…you're _marrying_ , a man who didn't grow up that way. He isn't afraid of those things. If there was one thing that Kurt always trusted about you, even when you were apart, it was that you loved him and he was worthy of that love. And you've always known how independent he is, how self-reliant he is. You always told me how he needed his space, not just when he's angry like you, but when he's sad, or working or needing to think. At McKinley you felt safe with him so you could give him that." It was true. At McKinley it had been easy to give Kurt what he needed. Now that everything was new and different it was much more frightening. "So you need to learn how to manage that. Trust him. Trust his love. Know that you're worth it just by being you."

"Wow," Blaine said, his voice filled with shock. "I think your counselor needs to win a therapist of the year award or something."

"Maybe I'm just trying to learn the same thing myself right now," the Colonel answered softly.

Blaine smiled. "Well then, maybe we can learn together."

* * *

" _We can't go backwards."_

" _We're not going backwards," Blaine had said. "I think we're being smart."_

" _By protecting something that is very precious to me." Kurt told him. "You know that right?"_

" _Of course I know that, of course," he'd said and he'd wrapped his arms around Kurt, holding him tight because they were exactly the words he had needed to hear. The words that he needed to forever hold on to and never let go. "Always, I know." He needed to believe them, needed to trust them. He needed to make them a part of him._

" _No matter who we become, even if we do need alone time, which is completely valid, we'll always belong to each other."_

As they made love, Blaine let the words play over and over again in his head. He belonged to Kurt and Kurt belonged to him and they were family. Near or far, together or separate, for the first time in his life, Blaine was precious to someone.  He was worth protecting. And he was home.

* * *

The covers fell loosely around their waists. Blaine was curled up on Kurt's chest, listening to his heart beating beneath his ear, moving with the rise and fall of his breath and brushing ever so softly the smooth skin beneath his fingertips. If he didn't know better he'd say that Kurt was sleeping, but the gentle scratch against his deliciously bruised hips proved to him otherwise. "That was hot," Blaine marveled.

"The hottest," Kurt agreed with a proud grin.

Blaine snuggled in as close as he possibly could. There was nothing better, nothing safer, than being nestled inside Kurt's arms. And as much as he knew he had to move out, had to do something to give Kurt the space he needed, in this moment he truly didn't want to leave at all. "I can't wait until we have our own place," he whispered dreamily.

Kurt hummed, his own fantasies filling his head. "A three bedroom luxury apartment. 24 hour doorman."

"A rooftop terrace where we can picnic whenever we want," Blaine added.

"A studio for you," Kurt offered. "An office for me."

"And doors," Blaine said firmly.

Kurt nodded. "Definitely doors."

They both smiled, knowing that those dreams were distant fantasies they probably were never likely to afford, at least not within the city limits. But then again, maybe they wouldn't always be in the heart of the city.

"So who gets to keep their space when we need to turn one of the offices into a nursery?" Blaine asked curiously.

"Whoever's working," Kurt said as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

Blaine hitched up on to his elbow and met Kurt's eyes. "What if we're both working?"

Kurt rested his head on his hand so they were at the same level. "Then whoever has the better contract."

"What if we're working the same contract?" Blaine challenged.

"Then whoever has the bigger role."

"What if we're both the stars of our shows? On Broadway," Blaine arched a brow waiting for Kurt's answer.

"Then whoever wins the Tony first," Kurt answered smugly. "Which will be me of course."

"Oh you think so Hummel?" Blaine sat up reaching surreptitiously for his pillow.

But Kurt would not be caught off guard and he struck first, his hand thrusting out like a cobra to grab his own pillow and swing it swiftly, whacking Blaine square in the side. Blaine instantly rose to his knees and swung, hitting Kurt first on his head than on his backside when he tried to scurry away. Their laughter nearly drowned out their shrieks and they were lucky that the walls were thick as concrete in the building.

They struggled to get their breathing under control and reached for their clothes on the floor. Quickly dressing in their pajamas, they crawled back into bed, a truce silently accepted.

Blaine broke the silence first. "I'm sorry I accused Elliott."

But Kurt held no anger because of that. "Look, we both know you've had hang-ups about him since the first time you saw him on that video Santana sent you. But it's endearing Blaine, that you think other men could love me as much as you do."

"Everyone should love you like I do." Blaine's voice was reverent and he turned to the love of his life, cupping his face. "But is it wrong that I'm glad they don't?"

"No," Kurt whispered. "I'm sorry I called you psycho," Kurt offered.

"And pouty and weird and annoying?" Blaine smirked.

Kurt blushed with shame remembering the words. "Yes, and those too."

"It's okay Kurt, I was being all those things." Blaine softly twirled his fingers in Kurt's hair, brushing them softly. "In a way I'm glad you felt you could yell at me like that. I mean it hurt, but it was also kinda reassuring, You not baby stepping around me anymore."

"I don't feel like I should baby step anymore." Kurt said. "You're stronger than you know." He leaned in to the kiss Blaine was offering. Before it had been messy and passionate but now it was soft, loving, full of promise as Blaine's kisses so often were. When they pulled apart, Blaine lowered his head, a breath escaping in a chuckle. "What?" Kurt asked self-consciously.

"I just…." He blinked, refusing to let himself cry, not now. "I'm just going to miss this."

"No, you're not, Blaine," Kurt said, taking his hand. "Because this isn't going to end. The last three months have shown us just how good we are together and that hasn't changed at all. We just need to know we're as good on our own." Blaine nodded because he understood, he really did, but it didn't make it any easier. On the phone with his father, out on Liberty Island it had all made sense, but now, together in bed, it was hard to remember why. But then of course Kurt reminded him. "The theater gods willing Blaine, you'll be offered a National tour or I'll be offered a National tour, or we'll have Broadway out of town tryouts, or a Regional Production across the country. I don't want to be afraid to go because I don't know you'll be okay. And I don't want you to decide not to go because you're afraid to be on your own. You were right, what you said. You need your own corner of the sky."

Blaine listened to Kurt, his eyes locked on their hands, intertwined, fitting together like a glove. "I know Kurt, I do, and I agree, I really do," he said quickly trying to convince himself as much as Kurt because it was hard. So hard to let Kurt go. "I won't lie. It scares me. But I guess that's exactly why I need to do it." He smoothly pulled his hand away and looked up to loving, proud beautiful eyes. "We both need our space. Because I can't learn to fly if I don't have room to spread my wings."

Kurt's chest heaved at Blaine's words, his eyes misted over, and he raised a stern finger. "Don't you ever think for one minute that I don't love you, do you hear me?" he scolded. "Whether I'm by your side or thousands of miles away our love is the most precious thing in the world to me. We almost lost it once. Never again."

Blaine fell into Kurt's arms once more, a soft melody playing in his head.

_Finding my strength I'm spreading my wings_  
_Put trust in the wind and see what it brings  
_

"Never again," he whispered.

_And I'm ready_  
_I'm ready to fly._  



	2. Bash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not While I'm Around was a gift to this story. It was everything I could have possibly wanted and more. And No One Is Alone was just a beautiful bonus.
> 
> There are two sets of lyrics in this chapter. The regular italics is simply underscoring for the chapter. The bold italics are sung.
> 
> I do not own Glee, but if I did I wouldn't have changed a thing.

_Mother cannot guide you_  
_Now you're on your own_  
_Only me beside you_  
_Still, you're not alone  
_

It was interesting how the news hit social media first. Kurt and Blaine's phones lit up with warnings and well wishes from every New York LGBTQ group on the internet. The story spread quickly throughout NYADA and Rachel went to find them as soon as she had heard. Surprisingly, it wasn't until the three had returned back to the loft that they learned the attack had hit so very close to home.

"I think we should bake something for him," Blaine said, already pulling the ingredients out of the cupboards above, grabbing the muffin tin from below. "Hospital food tastes terrible."

"We can bring it over tomorrow when we head into the city," Rachel agreed. She grabbed what they needed from the fridge, grateful that the boys had just gone shopping the day before.

The urge to _do_ something was strong. Baking muffins wasn't much, but it was something.

Blaine glanced over to Kurt while he filled the tins with cupcake wrappers. Kurt had been quiet since they'd heard, lost in thought. Now he sat on the chair, lost in his phone.

"What are they saying?" Blaine asked, lines of worry and sadness creasing his forehead.

"There's not a lot of information yet. Just warnings to be careful in the area." Kurt sighed heavily. He felt like his world was spinning. His phone buzzed again and he opened the text. "Elliott says there's gonna be a candlelight vigil. They're gathering a pretty big crowd from NYU."

"We should do the same at NYADA," Rachel suggested. "They won't be able to ignore a hundred voices rising up in song."

"They can ignore whatever they want," Kurt muttered under his breath. Defeat. That was what he was feeling more than anything. The sense that no matter where they went and no matter what they did, they could never truly escape the hate. They had been naïve to trust that it couldn't happen here.

Blaine could feel Kurt's emotions rolling off of him and he left the baking to Rachel. Sitting on the arm of the chair he combed his fingers through Kurt's hair and was left breathless, as he sometimes was, by Kurt's flawless beauty. "They can't touch us," Blaine reminded him and Kurt looked up at him. "Or what we have."

_No one is alone, truly_  
_No one is alone_

Kurt gave a weak smile and handed Blaine his phone before getting up, too worked up to sit still. "They're sending out links for health care proxies and hospital visitation authorization forms. Just in case," he said.

Blaine scrolled through the document Kurt had handed him. "It's a good idea Kurt. We were so wrapped up in everything when I got here that we forgot to change things, but I know if there was an emergency I would want to make sure you were by my side."

"My dads have all those signed and copies everywhere including every hospital within a hundred miles, I think," Rachel piped in. "I have a copy somewhere in my things we can look at."

"We can print the forms from the computer and then just bring them to a notary," Kurt said. "Keep them with us in our wallets or something. We may not need it here, but in Ohio-"

Blaine could only watch Kurt pace for a few seconds before he was across the room taking hold of Kurt's hand. Kurt's wild eyes tempered at the touch and Blaine pulled him into his arms. "We'll be alright," he promised.

"I know," Kurt said. "I just…it makes you feel so helpless, like a sitting duck."

"We'll do everything we have to to stay safe and make sure we'll always be here for one another," Blaine promised.

They found the documents and called the notary at Bellevue, scheduling an appointment for early the next morning before they dropped the muffins off for Russ. After the baking was done and packed and the night had settled, they each filled out their forms. When they exchanged papers and Blaine read Kurt's, well, he wasn't sure how Kurt felt about it, but to him it felt like a promise.

_I, Kurt Hummel, a resident of Kings County, State of New York do hereby give notice and authorization that if I should become ill or incapacitated through any cause that necessitates my hospitalization, treatment, or long-term care in a medical facility, it is my wish that the following person(s), Blaine Devon Anderson and Burt Hummel, be given first preference in visiting me in such medical or treatment facility, and that said person(s) be given final determination as to all others who wish to visit me in such medical or treatment facility, whether or not there are parties related to me by blood or law or other parties desiring to visit me, unless or until I freely give contrary instructions to medical personnel on the premises involved._

* * *

Blaine jogged up to the front door of the theater and walked inside. He looked around, trying to find his bearings, when a woman with blonde hair in her 30's rushed up to him.

"I'm sorry you can't be in here, this is a closed rehearsal," she stopped him anxiously.

"Oh, um, I'm Blaine Anderson?" He threw on his disarming smile and Dalton charm. "Rachel Berry asked me to meet her here on her dinner break? We're rehearsing a song together for the NYADA midwinter critique," he explained.

"Oh okay, sure," she said and she turned gesturing for him to follow. "Come on in, they're just finishing up a wet tech of Act 1."

"Thanks," he grinned. He took off his earmuffs and gloves, shoving them in his pockets as he followed who was likely the house manager into the theater. He ducked inside, the house dark, and he slowly walked down the aisle. It only took a moment before he was mesmerized by the girl onstage. She wasn't in costume but she wasn't Rachel either. Bathed in a soft amber glow, Rachel was Fanny Brice, heart and soul. And though he'd heard her sing it over and over again in the loft, the majesty of it all; the Broadway stage, the lights, the flys, took his breath away. Things he had only dreamed about when he sat in the audience of How to Succeed two years ago were right before his eyes and he was so close he could taste it. And here was Rachel, her dreams coming true.

"Ok folks, that's dinner," the stage manager yelled from the house. "Two hours, please be back at 7:15, we will go with Act 2 at 7:30."

Rachel looked down at Blaine with a curious smile, his wide eyes transfixed on her. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, slowly descending the stage stairs.

_Sometimes people leave you_  
_Halfway through the wood_  
_Others may deceive you_  
_You decide what's good_  
_You decide alone_  
_But no one is alone_

"Finn would be so proud of you." His voice was a reverent hum and though Rachel wrapped her arms around herself at the mention of his name, her smile never faded.

"I feel him here," she admitted, looking up at the beautiful architecture of the building as if Finn's soul hid amongst it. "I know it sounds crazy but I know he's here with me."

"It's not crazy at all," Blaine assured her. "I believe it."

Rachel's eyes dipped, letting out a soft chuckle. "I can't talk to Kurt about this stuff. He wouldn't understand."

Blaine laughed fondly with her. "Kurt might surprise you. He talks a good game, but…" he trailed off with a shrug.

Rachel nodded then grabbed his hand. "Come on, let me show you around, then we can use the stage to practice."

She took him on a mini grand tour and chattered away about this room and that, this actor and that gossip. Though he'd lived in her apartment for nearly six months they'd barely seen one another and his focus had been so much on Kurt. He'd almost forgotten just how similar they were and how good their friendship could be.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the stage. "We better rehearse before the crew comes back and kicks us off the stage. They'll only take an hour tops."

"Ok."

"We could have rehearsed at NYADA," Rachel continued to chatter, "but I thought there was no better way to truly feel like Broadway Babies than for you to really perform on a Broadway stage."

Blaine couldn't have agreed more and he had the time of his life playing piano for her, choreographing, and rehearsing. On the stage was where they both belonged, where they lived and breathed. It was where everyone in the house was family, where dreams came alive and where memories were as real as you wanted them to be.

The hour went by in a flash and the crew started filing back in.

"Come on, let's go get some dinner," Rachel said. She grabbed her purse and coat. He put his on and her hand slipped into his. She led him back up the aisle but at the doors he turned back at the stage, his heart aching with a sense of longing.

"I wish…" he started, but he didn't need to finish.

Rachel squeezed his hand and smiled tenderly. "I know."

* * *

Blaine had been so excited about the duet that it broke Kurt's heart to see that excitement turn to panic the moment Carmen had flunked them. The fact that she was giving them a second chance was a relief to him, but little consolation to Blaine, and Rachel was well on her way to making things worse before Blaine thankfully guided her out of the room. Kurt sighed and, knowing exactly what he'd be walking into, took a moment to center himself before heading out to them.

He found Blaine pacing the hallway. Rachel was no help to calm him down, ranting herself about Carmen and how dare she fail her, she was a Broadway star, and all sorts of nonsense that was entirely untrue and completely unhelpful. Kurt ignored her for the moment, instead placing himself directly in front of Blaine and grabbing his shoulders.

"Blaine, stop," he said.

_Mother isn't here now_  
_Wrong things, right things  
_

"He's going to kill me Kurt. I've never failed anything in my life." The words spilled out wildly. "You know what happened when I just got B's and C's Kurt-"

"Blaine, stop!" Kurt firmly took Blaine's face in his hand and forced his eyes to him. "You aren't a kid anymore. You haven't failed, you are going to redo your song and it's going to be wonderful and your father never needs to know."

"He told me to call when I was done with the critique," Blaine explained miserably.

"So don't," Kurt said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Get busy, forget to call."

"He'll call me."

Kurt rolled his eyes with frustration. His fiancé was 18 going on 8. "So you ignore it, Blaine, or you tell him you don't know your grade yet. Reschedule your performance to tomorrow and let him know you'll tell him then. You don't have to answer to him."

_Who knows what she'd say?_  
_Who can say what's true?  
_

Blaine dipped his head, and remained quiet. Kurt didn't understand, but he didn't want to fight either. "I'll go reschedule."

"Good," he said with a smile. "I'll deal with Rachel while you do. And then you'll come back with me to the loft, we'll deal with your father or not, and then after I have dinner with Rachel I will make you feel all better," he winked and added with a sly smile. "You can stay over tonight."

With that in mind, Blaine hurried off to catch Carmen before she left the auditorium, apologized profusely, and rescheduled for the next day.

He was quiet on the trip home with Kurt, mulling over in his mind the things that Kurt had said. It was still hard to wrap his head around the fact that he had a choice whether or not to tell his father things. After promises in counseling to start trying to always tell the truth, he felt like he was betraying their progress by not. But he also knew that even in the best of times, even with Cooper, school had always been his father's hot button issue. And Kurt was right, he didn't have to put himself through that.

It was only moments after they got inside the loft that the phone rang.

_Nothing's quite so clear now_  
_Do things, fight things_  
_Feel you've lost your way?_

Blaine looked at his cell, then Kurt. Kurt looked back at Blaine and shrugged. "It's your choice," Kurt told him.

_You decide, but_  
_You are not alone_  
_Believe me,  
_

Blaine answered.

"Hey Dad." He sat down on the couch, attempting casual as best he could, knowing that he still had the choice to tell the truth or lie his way out of it.

"Hey, so how was your performance?" the Colonel asked eagerly.

"She said Rachel and I were good…" Blaine trailed off. His nerves itched in anticipation, memories of his father's last words to him before he'd boarded the plane scratching at his skin.

"But…" the Colonel coaxed.

Blaine looked at Kurt whose eyes still urged him to lie, to let it go until his next performance. "What?" he choked, stalling, making every attempt to sound innocent but knowing he was failing miserably. He could lie to nearly everyone else, but the problem with going to counseling together was that his father now knew him far too well.

"There's a _but_ Blaine, I hear it in your voice," he said with a growing impatience.  No matter what, to Blaine the Colonel would always sound like his words were a command.

Blaine took a breath and clenched his eyes shut. He didn't want to see Kurt's face when he gave in. "But the assignment was to do individual performances, not duets."

There was silence on the line. And then his father's too calm voice echoed in his ear like a dull roar. "And whose idea was that?"

That voice always sent chills down Blaine's spine. His leg bounced nervously on its own accord until Kurt sat down next to him and laid a steadying hand on it.

_No one is alone_

Blaine gripped it for strength. "It was mine, sir," he admitted weakly.

"So you thought you could just balk the assignment?" the Colonel admonished. "Do whatever you wanted? Is that giving your education the respect it deserves Blaine? College isn't Glee club Blaine, you don't get to do whatever you want."

"I know that Sir," Blaine said defensively.

"No I don't think you do," the Colonel continued. "I warned you this wasn't going to be like Dalton or McKinley but apparently you didn't listen."

Blaine wanted to curl up in a ball, feeling like a kid all over again under the harsh stare of his father. But he could feel Kurt's gaze on him as well, urging him to be an adult, fight back, refuse to be spoken to that way. His head fell into his hand, frozen in place, caught in the middle.

"So what happened?" His father asked before he could get out a word.

His voice dropped to a defeated whisper. "She flunked us."

"Good," the Colonel said. "You deserved it. When someone gives you an order you follow it. Imagine if someone pulled rank on the battlefield."

Blaine had long since stopped trying to explain to his father that not all the world was a battlefield. "But she said our performance was good so she's giving us another chance to do the assignment right," Blaine said, trying to offer a glimmer of hope.

"Well, you told me you wanted to claw your way to the top like your friends. Now's your chance." The Colonel sighed. "I'm very disappointed in you, Blaine."

Blaine blinked back tears that he refused to let fall. Those words hit harder than any blow. "I'm sorry."

"You should be," his father said sternly. "Call me after your next performance."

"Yes sir," Blaine muttered and hung up. He threw the phone down on the couch and closed in on himself. His father hadn't touched him but his body ached as though he had.

But Kurt was going to have none of that. "No," Kurt declared, grabbing Blaine's hands and pulling him up. "I am not going to let him do this to you and neither are you. You're 18 years old and you're an adult and you messed up, fine, but I am not going to let him knock you down."

"I'm fine Kurt," Blaine muttered completely unconvincingly. "I just need a few minutes."

"Ordinarily I would absolutely respect your request for alone time, but I know you," Kurt said, his hands on his hips. "You're going to spiral down into panic or depression and there is no way I am going to let that happen over an F that won't even stay on F. Not on my watch. I'll go to dinner and come back to you and Sam acting out some god awful Star Wars fanfiction which would probably traumatize me for life. Or I'd find a loft full of Carmen Tibedeaux puppets and one of that woman is far more than enough. I swear you and Rachel are cut from the same overly dramatic cloth-"

Blaine listened, a smile teasing at the corner of his lips the more Kurt ranted and though part of him wanted to know how long he could go on, another part, a much louder part, just wanted to kiss him.

For a second Kurt continued his tirade against Blaine's lips, but Blaine wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close and Kurt surrendered. He melted into Blaine's arms, an embrace so strong, and a kiss so fierce that he had to smile at his mission accomplished. Kurt knew Blaine. And he always knew what he needed.

_No one is alone_  
_Believe me_  
_Truly_

"I love you," Blaine breathed, only when he was desperate for air. He rested his forehead on Kurt's forehead, their eyes both closed.

"You can't let him do that to you," Kurt said gently.

"It's the one trigger that's left," Blaine tried to explain.

But Kurt understood better than Blaine thought. "For both of you." He pulled back, resting his hands on Blaine's chest. His heart still beat quickly beneath Kurt's fingers. There was still a part of Blaine that believed he had to be perfect. And a part of the Colonel that believed he should be. "He may still be your father Blaine but he can't yell at you anymore."

Blaine's eyes dipped and he stifled a laugh. "I don't think it works like that Kurt."

Kurt thought to argue but he knew it would do no good. Instead he glanced at the time. "I have to go, I don't want to leave Rachel waiting, she only gets a short time for dinner. Are you going to be okay?" he asked, searching his face for the truth.

"I'm fine," Blaine assured him with a smile and this time Kurt believed it.

"You could come," Kurt suggested, a small pout almost convincing him to go.

"No," Blaine decided instead. "I wouldn't want to interrupt your Hummelberry date night," he smirked.

"Alright." Kurt bent down to give him one more quick kiss on the lips. "When I come home we'll go through all the Sondheim songbooks and pick the perfect song. And tomorrow you will blow Carmen Tibideaux away."

Blaine smiled. "I like the sound of that." He grabbed Kurt's hand once more with a smile. "Be careful."

Kurt smiled fondly and let his hand trail away. "I will."

* * *

_You move just a finger_

"Is this Blaine Anderson?"

_Say the slightest word_

"Yes this is Blaine."

_Something's bound to linger_

"This is Nurse Johnson at Bellevue Hospital Emergency Room. There's been an incident involving Kurt Hummel, and your name is on the paperwork in his wallet. Is he a relative?"

_Be heard_

"Yes, yes, he's my fiancé. Oh my god, is he okay, what happened?"

_No one acts alone_

"The police are still trying to piece things together. It seems likely he was a victim of an assault. "

_Careful_

"He's in with the doctors right now. They'll give you an update when you get here. "

_No one is alone_

* * *

Numb. That was all Blaine felt. The kind of numbness where your body doesn't seem your own and the world rushes by while you move in slow motion. The kind of numbness that comes from a panic so deep that the tears don't even fall because crying would mean that this was real and happening and part of you still believes that you will blink your eyes and awake from the nightmare.

If he'd been alone he wasn't sure how he would have made it to the hospital because he didn't even remember how he'd gotten there. Sam's voice as he told the hospital staff they were there for Kurt was distant, muffled. He knew Rachel was hugging him, he could see her in front of him, but he felt nothing.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not here. Not to Kurt, never to Kurt. His beautiful, gentle Kurt who had been through enough and didn't deserve to have to fight this fight. Not again.

There was nothing worse than waiting. He leaned against the counter and he clasped his hands, his eyes staring but not seeing. Surely God or Elizabeth or Finn could make this right, could make him okay, could keep his heart beating and his lungs breathing and his soul from giving in to the defeat Kurt had felt so strongly after the first attack.

The click of the door woke him from his prayers, and he rushed to the doctor. "Is he okay?" Blaine's heart beat wildly in his chest.

"He has a hairline fracture above his right eye socket, some other cuts and bruises. He's alive and he will be okay," the doctor said. At his words relief washed over Blaine and he raised his eyes to thank whoever up there had protected Kurt. "He's sleeping now from the morphine but you can see him."

He stilled for a moment, stealing himself for what he knew all too well he would find inside. "Thank you," he whispered. A hand on his back waited, and with a step guided him into the room.

Walking through the door he went straight to Kurt's side. He took in the damage. The cuts on his lip and cheek and eyes were bad enough but the bruises around his neck broke his heart. He didn't even want to imagine what Kurt must have gone through to cause those. He looked so fragile. So broken. And he knew Kurt was alive and okay and only asleep because of the medication but in this moment it was just so easy to imagine how it could have been different. And he remembered being in the hospital himself after the dance, lost and lonely and so very scared and more than anything he needed Kurt to know he was not alone.

"I just wish he could hear me," he thought aloud, "so I could tell him I was here."

"He knows we're here. He does," Rachel told him.

But Kurt just looked so far away. Blaine wasn't sure he knew the right words to say to make it past the medication and the nightmares that were sure to plague him. And then he remembered a different night, a night that felt like forever ago and yesterday, his own face battered and bruised, sobbing in Kurt's arms. Until a song had rung out, and woke him from his nightmare.

_**Nothing's gonna harm you  
Not while I'm around** _

Blaine was singing before he even knew it, grasping Kurt's hand, caressing his skin, hoping beyond hope that Kurt could feel him. And though the roles were reversed now, Blaine could hear Kurt singing in his head, soothing him, the voice of his angel, singing like a whisper, and he was there again as sure as he was here.

_**Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir  
Not while I'm around** _

_Buried in Kurt's chest, Blaine whispered, "I'm so scared."_

_"Don't be scared," Kurt tried to reassure him. "Everything will be alright."_

_Blaine tried to believe him. He tried to imagine how things could possibly be made alright. But all he could think of was everything he had lost; Dalton, the Warblers, his friends, his family…_

_**Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,** _   
_**I'll send 'em howling,** _   
_**I don't care, I got ways.** _

The shadows of that night played in his head and he didn't notice everyone leave the room. The only people in the world were him and Kurt, lost in space and time, in the past and present, in the Hummel living room and here and all Blaine wanted to see were the beautiful blue-green eyes filled again with warmth and determination.

**_Being close and being clever_ **   
**_Ain't like being true_ **   
**_I don't need to,_ **   
**_I would never hide a thing from you like some._ **

That was the day he'd promised; no more secrets. No more hiding. No more pretending to be someone he was not. No more masks.

_**Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,**_  
**_But in time…_  
**

The scent of his skin. That's what Blaine remembered most from that day. That and the complete sense of love and safety he had felt curled up in Kurt's arms. Every moment of his life since then he'd worked as hard as he could to give back to Kurt all he had received. Curling up beside him now, Blaine breathed him in again. He held Kurt as close as he could, which wasn't nearly close enough, and he whispered in his ear the dreams of their future, the family they would have, and the world they would create together.

_**Nothing can harm you** _  
_**Not while I'm around.** **  
** _

* * *

Even before he opened his eyes, the bright light over head sent darts of pain through Kurt's head and he groaned. Blaine stirred, waking quickly, holding him close, still nuzzled into Kurt's side.

"What's going on?" Kurt croaked, trying to gain his bearings, search his mind for the source of the pain and the warmth against his body. His hand reached over to feel Blaine before his eyes opened to see him, but when he did he turned and smiled weakly. "Hey you," Kurt whispered.

"Hey," Blaine choked, tears immediately coming to his eyes, but Kurt reached his good arm around him and drew him close to his chest.

"Hey, don't cry, I'm okay," Kurt tried to soothe. "My head hurts like a bitch but I'm okay," he added with a rough laugh.

Blaine started to get up. "I'll get the nurse."

"No," Kurt said, pulling him back into him. "I think I want to feel it for a little bit."

They laid in heavy silence for a few minutes. Blaine had so much he wanted to say but all he truly wanted was for Kurt to be okay, to not hurt, to be safe. "Rachel called your Dad," he said. "He's taking the first flight out this morning."

Kurt tried to nod but it hurt too much. He ran his thumb up and down Blaine's arm, just happy to have the man he loved in his arms, to be alive to have him in his arms, and so grateful that he was the one in bed and not the other way around. Slowly he came to realize that Blaine was shaking and he began to feel silent tears wetting his hospital gown. "Shhh…"

"I was so scared Kurt," Blaine cried, unable to keep the words inside even though he desperately wanted to. "What were you thinking?"

"Of you," Kurt answered softly. He brushed his fingers in Blaine's hair, twirling the curls free absentmindedly, his eyes trained on the ceiling but seeing a different scene before them. "I was just imagining…what if it were you? What would I want someone else to do?"

"I told you to be careful Kurt," he said, his voice broken and small and unable to shake the fear.

But Kurt wasn't broken, or small or afraid. "Yes, but you've also told me to have courage. Not to run away. To refuse to be the victim." Kurt reached as best he could to brush Blaine's tears away. "I couldn't let them win. And honestly it felt good to fight back. It _feels_ good to have fought back."

Blaine pushed up to truly see Kurt's eyes for the first time since the attack. His skin was still so battered and bruised, but his eyes weren't. His eyes glowed with pride and determination and the fire that Blaine loved so much about him, the fire that no matter what refused to die. He reached a hand out and gently brushed his battered cheek. "I just don't know what I would do if I lost you."

Kurt knew. He would grieve and he would mourn, but he would not be alone and somehow day by day he would continue to go on. But he didn't say that. "Well you haven't lost me," he said instead. "And I do believe that you have a solo this afternoon to prepare for."

"I can't leave you," Blaine said firmly. "I'll have to reschedule if she'll let me or just take the F, it doesn't matter."

"Blaine, my Dad will be here soon and when you leave I'll just take some more morphine and go back to sleep for a bit. I'll be fine," Kurt promised. "You need to do this."

Blaine shook his head, knowing Kurt was right but it didn't make leaving his side any easier. "I don't even know what to sing."

Kurt smiled and cupped Blaine's face tenderly. The song that had turned nightmares into dreams and reached his heart in breathtaking remembrance came back to him. Softly he assured him, "Yes you do."

Blaine realized what Kurt was saying and smiled shyly, nuzzling into Kurt's hand. "You heard me?"

Kurt brushed his lips, then reached down to clasp Blaine's hand. "I'll always hear you."

* * *

_People make mistakes_   
_Fathers, Mothers_

The Colonel followed Burt's directions to NYADA then asked around. Soon all he had to do was follow the signs to the midwinter critique. He just hoped he wasn't too late. And that Blaine would forgive him.

_People make mistakes_   
_Holding to their own_   
_Thinking their alone_

He heard Blaine's voice before he saw him, hunched over and singing as if there was no one else in the room. The relief came first for John, seeing that he was okay. The regret soon followed, for having left things the way he had.

_**Being close and being clever ain't like being true** _   
_**I don't need to I would never hide a thing from you** _   
_**Like some** _

He'd been so afraid of letting him go, trusting him on his own to be the man he'd tried so hard to raise. He'd made so many mistakes trying to protect him from exactly this, when all he had ever wanted was to know he had a son that could make it in the world and make him proud.

_**Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,  
But in time…** _

And despite all that he had done, the boy who poured his heart and soul into his music was everything he ever wanted. He was strong and resilient and not afraid of anything, not really. And the way he loved, but loved gently, with every fiber of his being, John continually strived to be more like him.

_**Nothing can harm you** _   
_**Not while I'm around.** _

There was no applause when Blaine finished. The room was heavy with silence, but sitting on the stool, his head down, Blaine didn't even notice.

"That was raw and powerful and from the heart and it deserves an A, Mr. Anderson." Blaine lifted heavy tear filled eyes to meet Madam Tibedeaux's and he knew he should be proud but he didn't have the heart to care. Not now. "Tell Mr. Hummel that everyone at NYADA is wishing him a speedy recovery."

"Thank you," Blaine whispered. He slipped off the stool and grabbed his things from the table where he'd dropped them. He turned to head back out the door, back to the hospital, when he noticed the man standing just inside the door frame.

The Colonel watched, barely breathing as Blaine slowly walked toward him. John stepped out into the hallway, holding the door open for his son. Blaine walked silently passed him to the stairs, but paused, gripping the railing.

"What are you doing here?" He wasn't angry. He wasn't scared. He was exhausted. Too exhausted to fight.

The Colonel took a step toward him. Blaine didn't turn, but he didn't step away either. "You did a good job in there son. That was a beautiful performance. You deserve that A."

"Did you come just to talk about my grades Dad, because I have more important things to worry about right now," Blaine said flatly.

"No." John took another tentative step, and then another. "I came because I needed to see your face. Burt called me. Told me what happened." He reached a hand out wanting to touch him, but lowered it on the rail beside Blaine's instead. "I wish you had called."

"I haven't really talked to anyone," he muttered.

The Colonel's skin creased with worry. "I needed to see you were okay."

"Well I'm fine," he snapped bitterly, and it was a relief to the Colonel to finally see an emotion from Blaine, even if it was anger. "Kurt was out there fighting for his life and I'm fine! But I shouldn't be fine. It should have been me." He turned to his father, eyes hard and piercing. "You taught me how to fight, how to take it, it should have been me!"

This time John reached a hand to Blaine's and he didn't hesitate to grasp it. "It shouldn't have been either of you, do you hear me?" he said firmly and repeated it just to make sure the words reached Blaine's ears. "It shouldn't have been either of you."

Blaine let the words wash over him and despite everything he crumbled into his father's arms. He let his father hold him, soothe him, and though his eyes were dry he felt some of the tension he'd held onto all day finally fade away.

The Colonel's guilt held fast though. "Blaine. Yesterday." He paused, waiting to see if Blaine would pull away or lash out, but he didn't. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did on the phone."

"It's ok," Blaine said, stepping out of his arms, but not away.

"No it's not," the Colonel insisted. "You're right, there are things more important than grades."

"But you were right too Dad," Blaine admitted shamefully. "I was treating the class like Glee club and it's not. And, well," he gave a tiny laugh, and his eyes brightened just a touch with a bit of teasing. "Sometimes it's reassuring that you really still are my father."

_Honor their mistakes_   
_Fight for their mistakes_   
_Everybody makes_   
_One another's terrible mistakes_

Blaine would never cease to amaze him. "So how's Kurt?"

"They say he's going to be okay," Blaine said, trying not to let doubt and fear take over. "I'm heading back now. Do you want to come?"

His father looked away, off into the distance. A shadow fell over his face, memories swarming back. "After your attack, I was so angry. Angry at the kids that had hurt you, angry at myself for not stopping you from going, setting you up to fail. And I was angry at you Blaine, I was just so damn angry at you," he admitted. "But a part of me must have remembered that you were just my little boy, and I went to the hospital."

"No you didn't-" Blaine started to protest but his father cut him off.

"Yes I did. It was the first night you were there. You were fast asleep on painkillers. Your mother had already gone home. She never knew I went."

Blaine stared at him, stunned. He'd always believed his father had never come, never cared. But even during the worst days, a little part of him still had.

_Witches can be right_   
_Giants can be good_   
_You decide what's right_   
_You decide what's good_

"I was… _exactly_ …. like the men that did this to Kurt." He looked at Blaine. He needed him to understand. Needed him to know it didn't mean he didn't care. "I don't think I can go see him. Because in my mind I would only see you."

Blaine lowered his head. In his heart he understood. "How long are you here?"

"I can stay a couple of days," the Colonel said hopefully. "If you want."

"Yeah," Blaine said softly. "That would be nice."

* * *

"Ohio Democratic Congressman, Burt Hummel's son was involved yesterday in an alleged hate crime, the second in a week against gay men in New York City. Congressman Hummel is best known for championing federal marriage equality laws."

Kurt grabbed the clicker and shut CNN off. "Not exactly how I wanted my name in the news for the first time," he told his Dad wryly.

"No publicity is bad publicity," Blaine said, peeking his head in the doorway with a smile. "Right?"

"Kids got a point," Burt smirked.

Blaine crossed the room quickly and kissed Kurt carefully on the lips. "How are you feeling?" He straightened up Kurt's blankets, if for no other reason than to feel that he was helping.

"A little bit better," Kurt said. "They've taken me off the morphine and now I'm just on regular pain meds. They say I'll live," he shrugged. "How was your critique?"

"It was good," Blaine answered with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "I got an A."

"Then what's the matter?" Kurt asked.

"My Dad's here," he said and turned to Burt for the first time, a hint of accusation in his glare.

Burt had the decency to look a little bit guilty. "I told him to call you first, but you know how stubborn the Anderson men are," Burt said.

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him to sit beside him on the bed. "Did you talk to him? Is he really here because of your grade?"

"Yes I talked to him. And no," he said softly. He brushed the soft skin of Kurt's knuckles. Kurt's hands were one of his favorite things about him. Always gentle. And now they were turning purple with bruising. "He didn't come because of my grade. He says he's here because of you."

Kurt pursed his lips in silence, but Burt's low rumble drew both of their attention. "When something like this happens, a Dad needs to see his kid. He just wanted to make sure you were okay Blaine." Blaine nodded. He understood and it meant more to him than he could say.

"Mr. Hummel?" Everyone looked up, a nurse interrupting them from the door. "The police are asking again when they can see you."

"Kurt you don't need to deal with them yet," Blaine insisted protectively. "You have to concentrate on getting better."

"Right now I have to concentrate on peeing," Kurt declared. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and Blaine jumped off, grabbing his arm. "Tell them they can come in an hour. Blaine don't look at me like that, we need to get these guys off the street."

Blaine shook his head. The Andersons weren't any more stubborn than the Hummels, he thought while they slowly made their way to the bathroom. Blaine tried to stay but Kurt kicked him out, swearing that if he couldn't pee by himself than they had bigger problems than the police coming. Burt laughed from the armchair in the corner, suddenly picturing them as an old married couple, bickering about everything and nothing. It was an image he adored.

"I don't think he's ready for the police yet," Blaine worried, sitting back down on the bed.

"I don't think _you're_ ready for the police yet," Burt corrected him. "I think he's been ready since his eyes opened."

Blaine sighed, running his hands over his face. "I just-."

The buzz of Kurt's phone interrupted them. Shuffling back from the bathroom across the room Kurt called, "Blaine can you get that? It's probably just Rachel calling for the hundredth time."

Blaine was torn between helping Kurt back to his bed and reaching for the cell on the nightstand beside him, but his hand froze inches above it when he caught sight of the name. "It's David Karofsky," he breathed.

_Someone is on your side_   
_Someone else is not_

Kurt stilled for just a second before he looked up, determined. "Answer it."

Against his better judgment, Blaine did the absolute last thing he wanted to do and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello," he answered. His voice was hard.

"Oh, Blaine." David's startled voice rang in Blaine's ears. This was his fault. If it weren't for Karofsky, Kurt wouldn't have ever gone after these guys and he wouldn't be suffering. And now he had the audacity to call and for what? "It's David Karofsky. I heard about Kurt and I just wanted to see how he was."

_He's battered and bruised and he wouldn't have felt the need to charge head first into a gay bashing if you hadn't tortured him all through high school_ , Blaine thought. "He's strong," he said instead, squeezing his eyes shut with the force it took to hold back the words that fought to escape.

"Can I talk to him?"

Blaine bit his lip and lowered the phone. "He wants to talk to you." Kurt had made it back to the bed and met Blaine's eyes, golden mirrors to his soul, pleading for him not to say yes.

_While we're seeing our side_   
_Maybe we forgot._

"Sure." Kurt reached out and Blaine handed it over, both holding on to it for a brief instant where their eyes locked and unspoken words flew between them.

_He did this_ , Blaine pleaded in protest.

_He did this_ , Kurt answered proudly.

_They are not alone_   
_No one is alone_

Burt saw it all and understood both of them. As Blaine let go of the phone, let go of his need to protect Kurt from a man from whom he didn't want protection, he felt Burt's hand on his shoulder. "Come on," Burt steered him gently. "Let's get some coffee."

* * *

They were silent as they rode the elevator downstairs to the cafeteria. At the counter Burt picked up the tab and Blaine followed him to a table. Blaine sat, fiddling with his coffee, waiting for it to cool. His thoughts just kept drifting upstairs to Kurt, talking to his first tormentor. The bully who had driven Kurt so close to the edge that it hadn't even been frightening to Kurt to jump.

Staring at his cup, he asked Burt quietly, "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Burt answered.

Blaine just shook his head. He didn't even really know what he was asking. "I keep thinking 'what if?'. And that I should have been there. He invited me to come and I said no so I could mope over a grade. A stupid grade that I let my father blow up at me about and what does it even matter in the long run? Kurt was on the street fighting for his life and I was reaching for stupid Star Wars…" he trailed off. He knew his father was right, this shouldn't have happened at all. But Blaine had known it could have. He had told Kurt to be careful. "I should have been there to protect him."

"You know what Kurt did in high school every time he knew you were going to be with your father?" Burt asked. Blaine looked up, his forehead creased in question. "He paced. He went through all the 'what ifs'. He went back and forth about whether he should be there for you, to protect you like he had that first time, because he had promised. And you know what he decided?"

"What?" Blaine swallowed.

"He decided that the only way that you would truly be able to feel that you could fight back was if you did it on your own," Burt told him. "It's the hardest part of loving someone. Letting them go."

_It's your choice,_ Kurt had told him when his father had called.

"I just…" Blaine tried to let go of the pain in his heart but it wouldn't leave. "If I can't take care of him then I just need him to take care of himself."

"He was taking care of himself," Burt said. "Look kid, I know exactly how you feel. When I came in here I came in guns blazing, shouted at him for putting himself at risk like that, but you know what? I think he'd do it again in a heartbeat. With or without you or me by his side. And that may be the hardest thing in the world for either one of us to deal with, but we have to. We love a stubborn man." Blaine laughed roughly, shaking his head. "But he's a good man."

"He's the best," Blaine whispered.

* * *

Blaine rushed out of class to meet Kurt near the memorial, texting along the way, picking up his pace when he saw Kurt waiting against the wall.

"Hey," Blaine said. "You sure you're up for this? You just got out of the hospital; you don't have to do this."

"I do." Kurt told Blaine. This hadn't just been his battle to fight. "I want to."

They walked down the street, hands stuffed in their pockets.

Kurt's strength throughout all this had been what kept Blaine going and now he wondered how he'd ever thought he would have been stronger. He watched as Kurt crouched down, swapping out the old flowers for new for the man that Kurt had saved. "I heard he woke up," Blaine shared. "I heard he's gonna be okay."

Kurt though was quiet, lost in his own thoughts. Blaine didn't push. He just linked his arm with Kurt's and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder, knowing even in their pain how lucky they were.

They stayed that way until Burt and John walked up and joined them. "He's the one that just got out of the hospital Blaine, he should be leaning on you," Burt smirked.

"Now that would be admitting he's not Braveheart, and I don't think that's gonna happen," Blaine teased.

"You're looking good Kurt," John said, holding his hand out.

Kurt shook it with only a moment's hesitation. "Thank you. The healing is slow but it gets better day by day."

John's eyes met Blaine's and he nodded with his own meaning. "Day by day," he agreed.

Blaine smiled softly. "I should get you to the airport Dad, don't want you to miss your flight. Here let me take that for you." He reached for his father's suitcase then turned back to Kurt, worry in his eyes. "You gonna be okay?"

"I got here just fine on my own Blaine," Kurt reminded him.

"I'll walk him back," Burt said with wink, laying a steady hand on his son's shoulder. "Better not to take our chances." He raised a brow. "Right Kurt?"

"Well since Blaine is apparently right and we're not too old for our fathers to yell at us, I better listen," Kurt said wryly.

Burt laughed and ruffled his hair. "You'll never get too old for me to yell at you, now come on, let's get you home."

"I'll see you at dinner Kurt," Blaine promised and the Hummel's walked away. "Take it easy," he called after him.

John wrapped an arm around his son and gave him a squeeze. "He's gonna be fine Blaine. Kurt can take care of himself," he said with respect.

Blaine looked at his father and smiled. "We're gonna be fine too," he said.

* * *

"Now I will see you two soon," Burt was lecturing at the airport. "You keep each other safe and don't go barreling head first into any more fights, at least until you're all healed up from this one." He passed it off lightly, but Blaine and Kurt both knew he was serious.

"We'll be alright Sir," Blaine promised and shook his hand. "You have a safe flight. And go give 'em hell in DC." The republicans had been having a field day with Kurt's attack. "Say hi to Carole for us."

"Will do." Burt reached out and pulled Kurt into his arms. "You take care of yourself," he said softly, choking up. "I don't know how many more frequent flyer miles I have left."

"Well, for the sake of your mileage awards then, I will refrain from saving the world at least for a few weeks," Kurt joked, then hugged him tighter. "I love you Dad."

"Love you too." Burt turned to grab his bags before wiping his eyes and Kurt and Blaine politely pretended not to see. "I'll call you when I land."

The boys waved as he went, falling quiet at the loss. It was nice having their parents around again, even if the reasons had been all wrong. They took a breath, as if the world had shifted and they weren't quite sure where to go from here.

_Hard to see the light now_

Kurt's gaze was low and Blaine followed it to his own hand. Kurt stared, as if unsure whether to take it or not. "You haven't held my hand in public since Russ was attacked," Blaine suddenly realized.

"I know."

_Just don't let it go_

Blaine looked up at him, not wanting to push, just wanting to know. "Why is that?"

It hadn't been intentional. But it had been instinctual. "I guess it just felt like we were back in Ohio."

_Things will come out right now_

"I know we both thought it couldn't happen here but the truth is, it can happen anywhere. My Dad knew that," Blaine remembered. "But we can't let them win like that. You're a Hummel."

"And you're a soldier's son," Kurt said.

_We can make it so_

Blaine reached his hand out, offering his palm, and his eyes turned to Kurt in earnest. "So we keep fighting?"

Kurt gently placed his hand atop of Blaine's and slowly laced their fingers together. "Together. We keep fighting together."

_Someone is on your side  
No one is alone._

 


	3. Tested

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tested is arguably my favorite Glee episode ever. My children and I are obsessed with Love is a Battlefield. I believe it is my favorite number Glee has ever done. Brooke Lipton was my Gleek of the week.
> 
> For some reason, despite the fact that I am Blaine in so many many ways, I had a much easier time writing and understanding Kurt in this one. That's a rare occurrence so I enjoyed it while I could.
> 
> Glee's words are Glee's. The rest are mine.

If it had happened slowly it may have been easier for Blaine to handle. But overnight, Kurt went from swimming just beneath the radar to hero.

Kurt's first day back to NYADA after the attack, Blaine had walked proudly by his side, hand in hand. But he quickly got lost in the shuffle as professors, students, and staff crowded him out in an attempt to wish Kurt well, tell him how proud they were of him and shake his hand for jumping in where others might have run. Blaine stood back and watched as Kurt's gait grew stronger, his face grew brighter and his body stood taller. Pride did not even begin to define the swell in Blaine's chest. Kurt deserved every bit of the attention and praise and there was nothing in the world he wanted more. But overwhelming was the force by which he wanted to just shout _He's Mine_ , sweep Kurt into his arms to kiss him and show the world that the most incredible man in New York belonged to him. That they belonged to each other.

Instead he stayed by the wall, forgotten and invisible and knowing all too well that Kurt wouldn't want that kind of affection in school. And as the attention grew, as men older than him and taller than him and far more toned than him all showered their attentions on the man he loved, Blaine began to wonder if maybe he was holding Kurt back. If maybe the scars from his past were wounds too deep to allow Kurt the life and the love he deserved. If maybe Kurt deserved a man, and not a boy trying to be one.

"Hey," Kurt said a bit breathlessly finally breaking through the crowd to reach Blaine's side. "Some of the guys invited me out to Karaoke after class today, you wanna come?"

"No," Blaine blinked once then twice, trying to come back from that place in his mind he knew was unhelpful. "Thank you. But I, um…" His mouth suddenly went dry with the feeling like he was coming up with an excuse and he didn't know why. "I mean, Sam and I have plans already. You have fun."

Kurt grinned and gave him a quick squeeze of his hand. "Ok, you and Sam have fun too. I'll text you tonight," he said happily bouncing back off into the crowd.

The hallway soon emptied and Blaine was left alone, wondering if anyone had even noticed he'd been standing there. He kicked off the wall and tugged his messenger bag tight. He was being ridiculous. Sure he was having trouble making friends and Kurt was better in all of their classes than him and had this whole life in New York that was separate from him but that was okay.

Because New York was his oyster, he thought as he stepped out on the street, and it was full of amazing sights and amazing people and most especially amazing food.

He stopped in at his favorite coffee shop on the way to the subway and the girl behind the counter, Jenny, he knew by now, flashed him a bright smile as soon as he made his way to the front of the line. "Hey Blaine," she greeted, her eyes warm and welcoming and well, if they were just a little bit flirty he wasn't going to turn down the attention. "Can I get you your usual today?"

"You betcha," Blaine said happily. "How'd that audition go yesterday?" he asked with genuine interest while she prepared his order.

Jenny shrugged. "Eh, you know how it is," she said. "You're great but you're not what we're looking for, blah, blah, blah."

"Aw, the right role is coming for you someday I know it," he said encouragingly, trading her his cash for the coffee and cronut.

"Thanks," she said sincerely. "And this way I get to see your smiling face every day instead."

Blaine beamed and took his food to a table. Yeah New York was tough and it was hard to figure out exactly where he belonged, but at least he had Jenny's smiling face and cronuts to cheer him up when things got tough.

* * *

He stopped at the restaurant Saturday night on the way to Kurt's. After the horror of his pants splitting from the extra weight he'd gained, he'd resolved to get back on track, go back to salads and healthy foods like he'd eaten in high school. But the moment he stepped foot in the Filipino restaurant the delicious smells of ginger and soy filled his senses and his stomach growled with desire. Before he even really had a chance to register what he was doing he'd ordered the Pancit Palabok and took a seat on the bench to wait. He could have a salad tomorrow.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:03pm]: Band rehearsal's running late, Elliott's got these amazing new moves to show us and a brand new song._

Of course he does, Blaine thought wryly.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:05pm]: Be home about 9. Eat without me of course, I'll grab a salad when I get home. There's fresh veges in the fridge if you want them._

_From Blaine to Kurt [6:07pm]: Ok. See you then._

"Blaine?" A girl came out behind the register holding his bag of dinner. She smiled sweetly at him.

"Thanks Anna," he said, offering her his credit card with his own charming smile. "Busy night tonight," he commented looking around.

"Saturday night is always busy. But eating at home is better," she said with a wink.

Blaine hid his blush looking down to sign the receipt and traded the pen for his food. "Have a great night," he told her.

"You too."

He took his dinner to the loft, hugging his things to slip his key into the lock. He threw his bag and his coat by the door and grabbed chopsticks, sitting alone at the table to savor the delicious meal.

It was funny how Kurt had ever thought the loft was too crowded. But at least Blaine had his food for company and with one bite of the rice noodle dish, shrimp popping just right in his mouth, he moaned into the rich flavors that reminded him of home, glad he had time to eat before Kurt could come back and yell at him for finishing the entire thing in one sitting.

* * *

"So how did rehearsal with Rachel and Elliott go tonight?" Blaine asked. He was perched on the couch, his chin resting on his arms on the back watching Kurt make himself a salad. Kurt had offered him one but Blaine politely declined. His stomach was still heavy from his own dinner. Maybe he'd had about ten mouthfuls too many. "Are things working out with just the three of you?"

"Well it would certainly be better if Santana would return from wherever the hell she is," Kurt said with great snark, dripping a bit of oil and balsamic vinegar atop his greens. "But I think the three of us sound really good together. We could be a modern day Peter, Paul and Mary," he grinned impishly. God Blaine loved that smile.

"Well I can't wait to hear you. When's your next gig?" He curled himself up on one side of the couch, a pillow comfortably in his lap, hiding what felt like the giant swell of his stomach. It had been delicious but now he just felt guilty, like he'd let himself down. Tomorrow he would stop this foolishness.

Kurt joined him on the couch with his healthful salad, taking a seat on the other side. "Not for another couple of weeks. We wanted to wait for Rachel and now we're waiting for Santana, and at least this way we have lots of time to practice. Plus with things getting crazy at school it's hard to find the time," Kurt said.

Blaine stilled for a second. "What's going on at school?"

"Oh you know, just the usual. I've got more people asking if I'll perform in their director's projects and Professor Jaumin wants me to sing for a demo for Voice I." Kurt rolled his eyes as if this new found demand was a horrible burden, but Blaine knew he was loving every second of it. "I'm actually surprised she didn't ask you."

Blaine resisted the urge to frown. "Well I am just a freshman," he shrugged with forced indifference, but his eyes fell with the heaviness in his chest. He knew that back at Dalton or McKinley he would have been the one chosen, not Kurt. And he didn't want to be jealous because Kurt deserved everything he was getting. But then again, didn't he deserve it too?

He grabbed the remote and turned on the television. It was Saturday night and little was on so he loaded up an old Bridezilla and went to the kitchen. He looked in the fridge. He just needed a little something. He knew Kurt would want him to eat something healthy. There was a bag of celery that looked completely unappetizing and instead he grabbed the butter. "You want some coffee and popcorn?" he asked.

"Coffee yes, popcorn no," Kurt called behind him. Blaine set the machine humming and threw the bag in the microwave. "Do you believe these women Blaine? I mean, how much money do the producers have to be paying them to make complete fools of themselves and destroy their own wedding?"

"Some people just want their 15 minutes of fame, they don't really much care how they get it," Blaine said, swapping out Kurt's mug for his own and setting the machine once more. "They should make a new show. Groomzilla."

"Every gay man in New York would clamor for the role." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Even you?" Blaine arched a brow as the microwave went off. He pulled it out, burning himself of course on the first attempt to open the bag, then dumped the popcorn into a bowl. He quickly microwaved a larger dollop of butter than he probably he should have and drizzled it on top. He grabbed their two coffee mugs and balanced all of it carefully back to the coffee table.

"No, definitely not me," Kurt stated firmly. But a smile pulled at his lips and he set his salad bowl down. "But you on the other hand." He looked up at Blaine, waiting for him to sit then slid in right next to him. His eyelids grew heavy as he leaned in close. "You would make a gorgeous Groomzilla." Kurt closed the distance and kissed Blaine softly at first but quickly set to deepen it. Blaine allowed himself to get lost in the kiss, he wanted it so much, wanted Kurt so much. Blaine hummed into his lips when he felt Kurt's hand trace over his shoulder and down his back, resting on his ass. The ass that just yesterday had split his new pair of pants. He pulled back quickly, aiming for nonchalance but failing, and picked up his coffee mug. "What's wrong?" Kurt frowned.

Blaine blinked and took a drink, stalling as he thought. "I just don't think I'd be too zilla a groom I guess. I mean, I hope I won't be." He put his coffee down and pulled the popcorn onto his lap. He tried to ignore Kurt's sigh at him, and the move back against the other end of the couch in a huff. "I mean watch this," he said pointing the TV. "I'm nothing like this."

They watched for the hour, Kurt finishing his salad, Blaine munching away at his popcorn, commenting every once in a while on the show. He popped the corn into his mouth, barely even tasting it, until the bowl was empty and the show was over.

Kurt took it from his hands and placed it on the table with a sultry look in his eyes. "What do you say you and I practice for our wedding night," Kurt whispered in his ear and Blaine's eyes rolled back when he felt Kurt's lips and teeth and tip of his tongue begin to work first on his ear and then his neck. "We can worry about what we're going to wear later. We could just practice taking it off now."

Kurt's hand was strong on his thigh and moving upwards to his side and every nerve in Blaine's body came alive with anticipation before Kurt's fingers slid beneath his shirt and his hand stroked over his belly button.

Blaine jumped back again, without thought and without warning, anything to get Kurt's hand away from the softness of his stomach. "Why don't we just talk tonight Kurt. Imagine Dragons and Melissa McCarthy are on Saturday Night Live."

"Blaine what's the matter with you?" Kurt asked, his eyes narrowing. "You didn't hear something back from the clinic like Artie, did you?"

Blaine's face went pale and his eyes went wide. "Oh no, Kurt, god no, definitely not. I just…" He just what? Didn't want Kurt to know how fat he was? How undesirable? How incredibly unlike all the men who wanted him at NYADA he was? "I just miss you," he said, sliding in closer to take Kurt's hand. "I want to talk, I feel like we never see each other anymore."

"We see each other all the time Blaine," Kurt argued.

A pang went through Blaine's heart but he hid it. "Yeah, no I just mean, we're always in class and you've been really busy lately and I miss," _making love with you,_ "talking to you. You know, just talking."

Kurt was staring at him, as if he couldn't figure out who this person in front of him was and maybe that was so much truer a problem than Kurt even knew. Then his face hardened. "Yeah, sure, whatever." Regret struck Blaine for just a moment, but he knew he couldn't be with Kurt, not tonight. Not when the moment Kurt undressed him he'd realize that he wasn't the guy that he'd fallen in love with anymore, that he was just some dumb kid. That he deserved someone better. "What do you want to talk about?" Kurt asked with a tired sigh. But he wrapped an arm around Blaine and pulled him in close.

Blaine smiled softly. This he could do. This is what he needed. To know that he and Kurt could still sit up all night and cuddle and talk about nothing and everything and no matter what those other guys had on the outside, no matter how they looked at Kurt or Kurt looked at them, they didn't have this with him. They couldn't have this with him.

* * *

He'd begged out of the loft late Sunday morning with an excuse that he had homework to do. Which wasn't a lie, but it was also not really the truth. If the idea of Kurt seeing him naked had been worrisome the night before it had been terrifying in broad daylight. And after breakfast in bed, Kurt had seemed quite intent on making that happen and Blaine had so badly wanted to say yes that he had to get out of there while he could still say no.

So instead Kurt texted his friends at school and walked Rachel to the theater before heading to the gym with the guys that Blaine was beginning to hate. Watching him walk off to the subway arm linked with Rachel, he couldn't help but truly look at Kurt as everyone at school saw him. He wasn't that boy who had for so long been told he was unmanly that he couldn't even imagine being sexy. He wasn't the boy that had needed the walls of Dalton for protection or someone by his side to make a stand. He wasn't even the boy that had nervously stood up to the Colonel or feared Blaine's friendship with Santana or worried that Blaine was going to take the leading role from him. Because the boy that had left Blaine behind at McKinley was nothing like the man that walked away from him now. That man was the leading man, he had proven beyond a doubt that he could protect himself on his own, and he was stronger than anyone back home could have imagined he'd ever be.

And Blaine was starting to believe that maybe Kurt was better off where he was going to, instead of being held back by where he'd come from.

* * *

A note told him that Sam and Mercedes had gone to church and he had the house to himself. He went to his room, grabbed his books and opened his laptop, staring at the screen with his mind racing instead of writing his five page theater history paper due Tuesday. Bargaining with himself that he'd just spend a minute online he opened his email and a new message.

_To: Santana Lopez_  
_From: Blaine Anderson_  
 _Subject: Hurry Home_

_Dear Santana,_

_You need to hurry home, there's this Spanish restaurant that makes a seafood paella as good as your mother always made, maybe even better, and I need a date since Kurt's been on this health kick since the attack._

_Plus I miss you._

_You were supposed to be here when I came to New York you know. You were gonna be my girl and keep me sane and smack me upside the head when I started fucking things up with Kurt._

_He's changed so much. And not just since the attack, though everything's changed since then. He's a hero at school and he's getting all these amazing opportunities and he's working out in the gym and he's incredible at Stage Combat Santana, you should see him wield a sword. He's so different you almost wouldn't recognize him. I almost don't recognize him._

_It's almost like that day at Dalton I proposed to a memory. And I was blind to it before but now that other people are looking I can't help but open my eyes and I'm finally realizing that he isn't the boy who needed my permission to leave Ohio. Honestly I'm not sure he needs me at all anymore._

_I know now why you did what you did with Rachel. Because when you've always been on top afraid to fall and suddenly you're crashing down it's easier to grasp hold of anything to keep you from plummeting rather than feel the pain of hitting bottom._

_It hurts to know that maybe he's moving past me. Maybe I was meant to be with that memory but too much time has passed and he's changed too much. Maybe in this lifetime we were only meant to be together for a time. Maybe we weren't meant to be forever._

He'd just let the words pour out without thinking and pushed send before he could reread or rethink it. He meant to go right back to his homework but the feeling inside him would not fade away. The feeling that he was lost, that he was losing, that he was floating and needed something to ground him, Kurt's arms, Kurt's hands, Kurt's lips and skin and something to assure him that despite all his fears Kurt did still love him. Lost in his head, his fingers acting without instruction, his cursor hovered on the search bar above. He told himself he was just searching for inspiration, for something to show him the kind of body he could have if he just started trying again and stopped stuffing his emptiness with food. The kind of body that Kurt could love, could be proud to stand next to, that Kurt would want to stand up in public and declare _he's mine_. And the image of that, the image of Kurt claiming him threw him over the edge and he knew exactly what he was looking for and he knew exactly what he was going to do with it because he needed this, he needed to let go of the stress that was bottled up inside, the things he had so desperately wanted to do with Kurt this morning but couldn't bring himself to do because he knew the moment Kurt saw him he would realize how much better he could do. Leaving his book behind, he brought his laptop over to his bed. Just once and then he would fix this. He would get himself in shape and he would make Kurt still love him. Just once and he would leave this all behind him and prove to himself and everyone else at school that he could be the man that Kurt deserved.

* * *

One look at the website Blaine had left open was all Kurt had needed.

He grabbed his coat and stormed out of Blaine's apartment, so grateful that he had an apartment of his own to storm out to. He should have known. He should have seen the signs, hell he _had_ seen the signs but he'd been an idiot, thinking that Blaine would come to him when he was ready before he ran away to some other guy.

It didn't even matter that it had just been bodies on a computer screen. What mattered was that after all this time, after the constant reassurance, Blaine still didn't believe that Kurt would be there for him when he needed him. Blaine still didn't trust him. And Kurt understood that it wasn't a trust that he could earn, it was a trust deep inside Blaine that had never grown, a trust that should have told him he was worthy of being loved and cared for. But knowing didn't make it any less exhausting to deal with. It didn't make it any easier. It didn't make it hurt any less or make him feel like he wasn't doing something wrong every time Blaine pulled away. It just made him wish desperately that Blaine would someday feel okay in his own skin so they didn't have to do this anymore.

There was nothing he could do to tell Blaine. There was nothing he could say. All the _I Love You's_ and _we belong togethers_ and _this is forevers_ couldn't get past the walls guarding Blaine's heart. The only thing that broke through Blaine's defenses was showing him, making love with him, and Blaine had shut him out.

He knew that Blaine was struggling here. He knew that just like he and Rachel, the freshman doubts that plagued NYADA students were rearing their ugly head. And he knew that the attack had shattered a sense of safety for both of them that they'd believed would exist here. It was why Kurt had taken to the gym, why he was throwing himself into Stage Combat which he surprisingly excelled at. He had promised Blaine they would keep fighting, together, and he wasn't taking that promise lightly.

_From Blaine to Kurt [6:35pm]: Kurt, I'm sorry._

But he was tired of fighting Blaine's demons. And he was definitely tired of fighting them harder than Blaine.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:38pm]: I know._

_From Blaine to Kurt [6:39pm]: Can we still meet at the diner tomorrow before class?_

But Kurt loved him. And though he couldn't protect Blaine from himself, he could make him keep fighting.

_From Kurt to Blaine [6:41pm]: Yes_

* * *

_To: Blaine Anderson_  
_From: Santana Lopez_  
 _Subject: Re: Hurry Home_

_Blaine Anderson, that is the biggest load of crap email I have ever read, what the HELL is going on in New York?! I'm gonna come back if for no other reason then to slap you upside the head until I knock some sense into you. Then I'm going to do it again just for good measure. And don't go getting all triggery on me, you know it's a fucking metaphor, Boyfriend._

_Kurt loves you, you dumbass, and if you think for one second that's gonna change because he's finally graduated from Barbie to GI Joe then perhaps you've forgotten who you are. You claim to be a soldier's son, remember? So man up and act like it!_

* * *

 

Kurt could see it when Blaine took the helmet off, the anger turn to embarrassment and shame when he remembered this hadn't been their own private duel but a class full of students watching them.

"Alright guys, I think that's enough for one day," the instructor announced.

Kurt put his equipment away and piled into the dressing room to change out of his fencing gear. Blaine must have raced because he was nearly dressed by the time he arrived. He didn't look at Kurt, but as the rest of the guys in the class started piling in, they definitely looked at Blaine. Kurt could hear their snickering while he changed, their whispering, questions of _how'd he get in this class anyway_ , and he watched Blaine's neck turn red. He also saw his hands curl into fists. Blaine grabbed his bag and pushed through the small crowd to get out of the room without even once glance back at Kurt.

"Blaine," Kurt called after him.

Blaine paused for a just moment, then Kurt watched helpless and frustrated as Blaine stormed out the door.

"Trouble in paradise Hummel?" One of the guys asked. He sounded sympathetic, but Kurt was neither dumb nor blind. He knew the way the guys were looking at him now. And he could hear the glee in his voice at just the idea that Kurt might be single soon. "We're all going out to lunch, want to join?"

"No thanks," he muttered grabbing his things. "I have to go to work."

Kurt was still upset as he arrived at the diner, but the walk and the change in atmosphere calmed him some. He went to the employee bathroom to change into his uniform then came out to relieve Rachel.

"Thank you so much for covering for me during class. I have no idea how they screwed up the schedule," he said as he grabbed his apron and tied it around himself.

"No problem, I could use the money anyway," Rachel shrugged, taking her apron off. "Blaine came by earlier looking for you. I told him you'd already left."

"Thanks," Kurt mumbled and the scowl on his face was certainly not missed by his best friend.

"He seemed kinda upset you weren't here." Rachel leaned on the counter, with a frown. "Are you two fighting again?"

"Quite literally, yes," Kurt nodded with an eyeroll.

"What are you fighting about?" Rachel asked.

"Honestly I have no idea," Kurt muttered, though that wasn't exactly true. He knew exactly _what_. He just had no idea _why_. "He's just been really weird lately."

"Well maybe it has nothing to do with you?" Rachel suggested optimistically. "Maybe it's something with his Dad or classes. I mean, he is in mostly sophomore classes as a freshman. That would be a lot of pressure for anyone but Blaine's a perfectionist."

"No Rachel, I mean you're right about all that but…" the vision of Blaine's desktop flashed before his eyes. "Trust me, this has something to do with me." He ducked down for a second to grab the ketchup so he could fill the bottles. "It's like everything was fine and then snap. Suddenly he's force feeding me fat and calories and doesn't want to…" he looked around then leaned in to whisper to Rachel, "have sex."

Rachel smirked. "I had noticed it's been a little quiet behind your curtains lately, but I figured you were just going at it before I got home and honestly I was counting my blessings," she teased. Kurt though just glared and turned his back to work at the back counter. Rachel took pity on him. "Look Kurt, Blaine's lived a pretty sheltered life until now. I know you never looked at it like that, but…" Kurt turned back to listen, leaning against the counter. "It sounds to me like moving to New York's been harder for him than it was for you. Maybe you just need to cut him some slack and help him ease in a little bit more. Especially at NYADA."

Kurt knew Rachel was right and he frowned with a touch of regret. "Like not going at him quite so hard in our fencing match? I got two strikes on him without even breaking a sweat."

Rachel gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh no Kurt, you didn't!"

"What?" Kurt asked innocently. "Just because he's my boyfriend doesn't mean I can't try to beat him." But his choice of words brought Blaine's fighting back to him. The way he'd recoiled from the swing of the sword but punched with all his strength during boxing. The way he'd cringed and cried out each time the rapier had struck. And suddenly he realized exactly why Blaine was struggling so much and how big a mistake he might have made. "Oh god Rachel, I did."

* * *

"Hey Coop." Blaine tried to keep his voice steady, to hide the fact that his thoughts were racing and his heart was aching and Kurt's icy glare as he'd backed away from their match was etched into his mind.

He'd just had to get out of there as fast as he could. His hands had shook as he changed, an unbearable mix of anger and embarrassment and fear gripping him in a crowd that held none of the safety that he'd felt in Glee club. He'd wished he'd had Santana or Tina or Nick to whisk him away to the shelter of the auditorium or the chapel to laugh or cry or yell in a place that embraced him. But he wasn't in Ohio anymore and he didn't have a refuge here beyond the food he stuffed in his mouth. And he didn't want to do that anymore.

He could still feel the sting of the rapier on his back and side but whether it was real or imagined he didn't know. All he knew was that he hated the feeling.

He'd found himself in Central Park with the phone in his hand and Cooper on the line before he'd even really realized what he was doing. He supposed it was because only Cooper would truly understand.

"What's wrong Squirt?" Cooper asked with concern. "And don't tell me nothing because I hear it in your voice and you called me which means you want to talk."

"Why don't you have a girlfriend Coop?" Blaine asked. "And I don't mean girlfriends," he stressed the plural, "I mean a steady girlfriend."

"Is this about Kurt or did Mom send you fishing?" Cooper replied suspiciously.

"Just answer the question," Blaine pushed tiredly.

Blaine heard Cooper sigh, considering the question, and it sounded like he was settling in for what his brother suspected would not be a quick conversation. "I don't know. I think I'm just not really relationship material."

"Because of Dad?" He might as well cut to the chase.

"Well it's not like he was really the best of role models. It wasn't like things were perfect before you were born Squirt," Cooper reminded him and Blaine knew it answered the question. "Things were still bad. Just not _as_ bad."

Blaine frowned. He realized that though Cooper finally knew all about him, he still really didn't know much about what Cooper had been through. "You don't think you could, I don't know," Blaine shrugged. "Do better?"

Cooper gave a quick chuckle. "I'm not you Blaine."

Blaine scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not that special Coop." In fact he felt about as far from special as the earth to the sun.

"You and Kurt fighting, Blaine?" Cooper finally guessed.

Blaine looked up at the sky. White clouds drifted, forming and changing right before his eyes. Even though he sat right here, staying exactly the same, the world around him was always shifting. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't even know." Blaine wearily ran his hand down his face. "I did something he didn't like and he walked out on me and then he quote unquote _forgot_ to text me this morning before class that we weren't meeting and he says he's not still mad about what I did but he sure as hell seems to be because he beat the crap out of me in stage combat, which apparently I completely suck at-"

"Woah, hey, slow down their tiger," Cooper interrupted. "Breathe for God's sake." Blaine did as he was told and took a breath. "Now, what is this horrible thing you did?"

Blaine fingered his gloves. "It's kinda private Coop," he blushed.

"Oookay then," Coop said, trying again. "Why did you do it, whatever _it_ was?"

"I don't know," Blaine said honestly. "I guess I'm just feeling like I don't belong, like I'm not really good enough for anyone; Dad, you, everyone at NYADA, Kurt-"

"Wait, me?"

"And most of that's not a new feeling I know, but I've always been the best at school, I've always been good enough there and here…" He bit his lip, shame and doubt weighing on him like the world. "Here, I'm not even close."

"Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself, Squirt. You don't have to be good at everything."

"But Kurt is!" Blaine yelled. "You should see him Cooper, you wouldn't even recognize him. His body is incredible, everyone at school loves him, he's amazing in his classes, he's one of the most talented guys here and it's like, I'm none of those things and Kurt deserves all of that in the man he loves and I always thought I was before but I can't even say no to my own father for God's sake and the only thing I'm good at these days is stuffing my face full of cronuts." Tears pooled in his eyes and he got up, unable to sit still. "And what is there to love in that?"

Cooper was quiet a minute and Blaine leaned back against the bark of a tree, closing his eyes. "Have you told all this to Kurt?" he finally asked gently.

"No," Blaine said, his voice cracking. "I've tried but he says we talk too much, which is ridiculous because clearly we don't talk enough. Maybe he's just tired of what I have to say."

"Or maybe you're still just hiding." At Cooper's words Blaine fell silent. They hit him hard. "Blaine, he's been there a year longer than you. Of course he's going to be better. And I'm sure he went through this too."

"No," Blaine said defensively. "He was a star as soon as he got here, he had Vogue and Adam and then he beat Rachel in a diva off as soon as he got into NYADA and I know he's been here longer that's why there's no way I can keep up! He's on the fucking news as a hero for god's sake when three years ago he couldn't even stand up to a high school bully without me by his side and I still can't even stand up to my own father. He's better here, stronger here than he ever was with me there." He sniffed and wiped his eyes from the tears that fell. "Maybe he's better off that way," he whispered.

"Come on Squirt, Kurt loves you, you know that's not true."

"Yes it is!" Blaine cried, not even caring at this point who might hear him. "I used to know who I was. People looked up to me and respected me. _Kurt_ looked up to me and respected me. I was someone that he could be proud of and now…" He pulled his knees to his chest and pulled the phone in tight. "I'm nothing here Coop. I'm trying so hard but no matter what I do he's better than me. What could he possibly love about me? I'm a high school star who obviously can't make it in the real world."

"Blaine," Cooper said softly, softly enough that Blaine had to stop crying to hear him. "Those voices in your head, they aren't Kurt's. And they aren't right. Go home to him. Be honest with him. You want to be the man he deserves? Well he deserves that."

* * *

_For the first time in my life, I really feel like I'm losing._

_I loved being able to protect you…_

_You don't need me anymore, to protect or anything._

_I'd much rather be running this race with you rather than against you._

_As equals._

_I'm always going to love you._

Wrapped in Kurt's arms he worked so hard to believe it. To believe that Kurt would always love him and they would run the race together. To trust that Kurt would wait for him while he fought to catch up.

"I love you," Blaine sobbed into his shoulder.

Kurt just held him while he cried, letting out all the fear and frustration. He knew there was more they needed to talk about. What he'd meant to talk about before Blaine had thrown him for this loop, but there was time.

When he finally ran out of tears, Blaine pulled away, wiping his eyes with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," Blaine apologized again.

"You never need to apologize for how you feel Blaine, you just need to tell me. We have to be on the same side here for this to work. Love is _not_ a battlefield, Blaine," he said firmly but with care. "I know you grew up that way, but I didn't and I won't."

Blaine nodded, the tears starting to fall again. "I know," he whispered. And he looked away from Kurt, biting his lips with shame because he knew exactly where this was headed.

Kurt hesitated. They needed to talk about this, _he_ needed to talk about this, but the last thing he wanted to do was upset Blaine more. But looking at Blaine, Kurt knew he was just waiting for it. So he didn't hold back. "When you were coming at me in fencing-"

"I felt it," Blaine admitted, his voice full of what Kurt could only call disgust. Blaine shook his head, as if he was trying to get rid of everything inside of him. "Kurt, you have to know I would never hurt you."

Kurt reached for him and laid a hand on Blaine's arm in comfort. "I do know that," Kurt assured him. "Do you?" Blaine hung his head, unable to answer which told Kurt everything he needed to know. "I'm not scared of you Blaine, but are you scared of yourself?"

"No," he squeaked then cleared his throat. He finally gained the courage to meet Kurt's eyes. "Not really. But I didn't like it. That feeling that for even a second a small part of me wanted to hurt you."

"Blaine, I think it's natural," Kurt said. "It's not like I was holding back, I wanted to win too."

"No Kurt, this was different. I didn't want to win I wanted you to lose. I wanted to knock you down just so I would feel stronger. I know that's how my father would feel and to feel it for myself…" Blaine's face fell, but though his eyes filled with regret he kept them on Kurt as if he owed him that much. "To blame you when I was at fault…"

Kurt fought the urge to sigh and instead took his hand. He didn't wonder how many times they were going to have to go through this, how many times Blaine was going to have to fight for his freedom. Because he knew that it would take a lifetime and he'd signed up for this and was never going back. "It doesn't make you like him," Kurt insisted firmly as to make Blaine believe it.

"I know that Kurt, I know." Blaine took a deep breath, trying to let go of the past and come back to the present. "And I'm sorry I ran out of there, I just…I just needed some time. To sort that out. And some other things."

"And what did you figure out?"

"Well, first of all," Blaine started, his eyes serious, "we should never be partners in stage combat when we're mad at each other. I've never felt that way before and I never even want to chance feeling it again."

"I completely agree," Kurt said with a nod. He tugged Blaine's hand and pulled him over to the couch, where they could talk more comfortably. "What else?"

"We _don't_ talk too much Kurt," Blaine insisted. "It's not fair of you to tell me to talk to you when I'm going through things but shut me out when we're fighting. I tried twice, but both times you walked away."

"And twice you chose to walk away rather than be honest about why you didn't want to be intimate," Kurt pointed out. "I was mad. I shouldn't have said that. We need to talk before we start fighting, before you start running, and yes," Kurt confessed knowing Blaine was absolutely right, "I need to listen better, even when I'm mad." Blaine smiled softly and Kurt did too, just for a moment taking in the beauty of the man before him. He was gorgeous on the outside and Kurt knew no matter what he always would be, but it was his heart that made him beautiful. "Anything else?"

Blaine shook his head. "The rest is me Kurt," Blaine told him. "I need to figure out who I am. Away from my father. As a fiancé."

Kurt scooted closer and linked their fingers tighter to make sure Blaine heard him. "The only thing I want you to be as a fiancé is you. To be your amazing, handsome, loving, overdramatic self who needs me too much and knows me too well and crowds me with love." Kurt smiled and cupped his face, brushing a thumb across his lips to make him smile too. "Who whether I'm ridiculously angry at you or passionately making love to you, makes me know I'm alive."

Blaine blushed shyly and teased, "Sondheim week was last week Kurt."

"Well what's this week's assignment then?" Kurt raised a brow with a smirk.

"Um, sex?" Blaine guessed with a furrowed brow, half joking and half serious. "I mean there was Sam and Mercedes, Artie and, well, whoever the heck he was dating, me and my website…" he trailed off when he realized he'd let the words slip.

"Yes, let's talk about that website for a minute, while we're talking," Kurt said, his eyes narrowing.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, I won't-"

"As long as we're going back to discussing Dalton, I've known you were into those websites since the first time we talked about sex," Kurt said.

Blaine winced. "And I've known you don't like them-"

He was cut off by Kurt's finger on his lips.

"But I was thinking," Kurt hinted. His smile turned flirtatious, his eyes darkened quickly and Blaine's heart skipped a beat. "Maybe they wouldn't be quite so bad if we looked at them together?"

Blaine swallowed hard and licked his suddenly dry lips. "Are you serious Kurt, you don't have to."

"I'm very serious Blaine," Kurt purred and leaned in to kiss Blaine just enough to leave him wanting before pulling back. "And I know I don't have to."

Blaine's heart raced. "Well, if this is the lesson of the week, they can certainly be very educational," he breathed.

Kurt tilted his head the way he did that drove Blaine wild. "As long as it's an advanced class. I think we've got the basics down pretty well, don't you?"

Heat crept up Blaine's spine, his nerves tingled beneath his skin and he couldn't stop the images that flashed through his mind. "Yes I do," he breathed. He grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him into the bedroom, swiping the laptop from the desk and landing on the bed in one motion. Kurt laughed watching Blaine open it and log on as quickly as he could, talking while he typed. "Oh god Kurt, there's this one where the bottom has his legs…well I think you have to see it for yourself, but I just kept imagining you, I'm pretty sure you're flexible enough-"

"You're pretty sure _I'm_ flexible enough," Kurt arched a brow.

Blaine stopped what he was doing and stared Kurt down. "Yes Kurt," he maintained adamantly, accentuating the 't'. "I think _you're_ flexible enough," he repeated.

Kurt grinned deviously as he grabbed the laptop and placed it aside. In what seemed to be the same graceful movement he pushed Blaine down on the bed, throwing a leg over one side to rest atop him. "And is _that_ the way you want it?" Kurt smirked.

Blaine though would not be beaten this time and he grabbed Kurt and flipped him over, hovering above him pressing his hips against Kurt's just for good measure. "Yes, Kurt that's exactly the way I want it," he said roughly and he bent down and kissed him, firm and claiming until they were both out of breath. Only then did he push back up resting just inches from Kurt's face, his eyes now soft and pleading. "Please," he whispered.

Kurt looked up at beautiful smoky amber eyes. "You really imagine me when you look at those websites?" he asked and the touch of insecurity in Kurt's voice made Blaine's heart swell. He'd been crazy to think that Kurt would ever judge him.

"Of course Kurt," he said tenderly. "Even before I knew you."

Even if he'd wanted to Kurt couldn't stop himself from pulling Blaine down on top of him, and kissing him fiercely. He was done talking. There were times when talk was highly overrated. And Kurt knew exactly what the man he loved needed.

"Show me how strong you are Blaine," he whispered.


	4. Backup Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter after my trip to LA and my visit to Paramount Studios. Here was my Author's Note:
> 
> This chapter encompasses Opening Night, Back Up Plan, and Old Dogs New Tricks, though it is primarily 5x18. It picks up pretty much where Opening Night ends. 
> 
> I don't own Glee but I can now pinpoint every exterior scene that is filmed on the Paramount Lot. (Especially anything on the steps of Blaine and Samcedes apartment…which I may have squealed a little when I saw…and the Spotlight Diner, and the subway, and the NYADA doors, but I digress…)

"Ugh, my head is killing me right now," Kurt groaned. He rolled over in Blaine's bed away from the window and the glare of light that was penetrating his delicate eyeballs.

Blaine chuckled unsympathetically. "You didn't even drink anything last night Kurt." He swung out of bed and unceremoniously dropped his pillow over Kurt's eyes.

Kurt pushed it off and rolled over on top of it instead. He watched Blaine's gorgeous form as he stood to dress, his perfect view of his perfectly imperfect fiancé. "No I didn't drink. But we partied at Elliott's favorite gay bar all night, came home to Sue Sylvester having slept with some random in my bed, went out at the butt crack of dawn to stress over Rachel's reviews, learned Mr. Schue named the baby after Finn and finally came back here for a whopping three hours of sleep."

"You could have had five hours of sleep Kurt," Blaine smirked. "That was all your doing."

"You're sexy as hell dancing in a club full of half naked men with your bowtie undone. I didn't even stand a chance." Blaine laughed and Kurt groaned. "How the hell are you so chipper?"

"Because I only got three hours of sleep instead of five," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "And because I got to spend the evening with Tay Tay and 'Tana, and your best friend just opened on Broadway." Blaine's eyes were wide with delight. "And I personally think it's hysterical that Sue Sylvester slept with some random in your bed."

"And all over the loft Blaine, that place needs to be disinfected," Kurt insisted.

"I'll do it for you," Blaine promised with a kiss.

"Well while you're doing stuff for me, go make me some breakfast and coffee please before I pass out again and we miss our 3 o'clock class."

Blaine smiled and gave a quick salute. "You are my Gay Bar Superstar, Kurt Hummel, and your wish is my command."

Blaine went to the kitchen to set the coffee running, a dark roast hazelnut that they both enjoyed. Soon the smell filled the kitchen as he worked on the pancake batter. Kurt's gorgeous voice in the shower carried throughout the apartment and Blaine didn't think that a morning could ever be more perfect. Especially since it was already afternoon.

Kurt made his entrance just as Blaine was flipping the pancakes onto their plates and he poured them both cups of coffee. Kurt settled into a seat at the table. "So I saw you and Santana talking at the bar," Kurt mentioned while he sprinkled the tiniest amount of powdered sugar onto the plate Blaine placed in front of him. "You find out what her plans are?"

"She doesn't seem to really have any, other than crashing on our couch," Blaine said. "I can't believe you called her in the taxi. I was too afraid she would make everything worse honestly."

"Well, the one person Rachel really needed isn't here." Kurt said with a frown. "For better or worse there's no one more capable of getting Rachel to hear his voice in her head than Santana." Blaine nodded. He wasn't sure he'd ever understand the relationship between those two but he had to admit there was a connection there. "Besides," Kurt continued. "She always gets _your_ head on straight. I figured it couldn't really hurt at that point."

"You are a smart man," Blaine agreed. He took a sip of his coffee and a bite of his food and watched Kurt carefully for a moment. Part of him thought he shouldn't bring it up. But the other part needed to make sure he was alright. "So are you okay?"

Kurt glanced up. By all rights he should have had absolutely no idea what Blaine was talking about. But the soft amber glow of Blaine's eyes and the lip being worried between his teeth told Kurt all he needed to know. "I should be used to it by now, right?" Kurt asked with a sigh. Blaine reached across the table and took his hand. "It's not like it's a surprise. I think everyone knew he'd name the baby Finn."

"Still…" Blaine said softly. He rubbed his thumb against Kurt's knuckles soothingly.

"I guess I just wonder how many more things I'm going to lose to him?" Kurt thought aloud. He'd never put these thoughts into words before, he felt guilty even for thinking them sometimes, but they had been there for a long time now. "It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. He was my brother but sometimes it seems Mr. Schue thinks he is instead. Best Man at his wedding, the letterman jacket, now his name-"

Blaine's brow rose in shock. "You really think he took the letterman jacket?" he asked.

"I'd bet on it," Kurt shrugged dismissively. He'd come to terms with that a long time ago. The fact that Finn wouldn't be there standing beside him when he married was another story. "But it's nice. That he named the baby after Finn."

"It is, I just…I don't know." Blaine frowned. "I kinda feel like it's something he should have talked to you about first. Given you first dibs."

"It doesn't stop us Blaine," Kurt said, squeezing Blaine's hand tightly. Kurt understood that when it came to Finn, Blaine had his own unresolved feelings. Unfinished business that he felt he still needed to make right. Besides, Blaine had always been the far more sentimental one of the two of them. "If we have a boy and you want to name him after Finn then that's what we'll do. It doesn't matter if Schue did it first. The way I see it, the more Finn's in the world the better."

Blaine's eyes watered and he tilted his head in awe. "I love you."

Kurt smiled softly. "I love you too."

* * *

"Oh my god Blaine, sometimes I wonder how you even keep your gay card," Kurt snapped in frustration.

There were magazines sprawled all over the coffee table and Kurt had been pouring over them in study. Blaine strummed away on his guitar paying absolutely no attention until Kurt snatched it from his fingers.

Blaine could have pouted but instead his eyes grew heavy and he grinned hungrily. "I could show you," he said, crawling up Kurt's body temptingly. He never gave Kurt a chance to resist, just dove in and captured his fiancé's lips in a delicious kiss that sent blood flowing directly south. He pressed his hips lightly, letting Kurt feel him. "Gay card. Right here," Blaine quipped against Kurt's lips. Kurt smirked but pushed Blaine off of him unrelentingly. Blaine toppled over and laughed. Kurt glared at him sternly and Blaine regained his composure, curling his legs beneath him but otherwise sitting up straight and tall like the good student he was. "Fine Professor Hummel. Tell me everything you know about June Dolloway."

Kurt opened up website after website, reading to him about all the events she'd attended and people she'd known. Blaine had to admit that the more he learned the more excited he became to sing for her and maybe even get to meet her and ask her a question or two about all of the fascinating people she'd met in her lifetime. He was snuggled into Kurt's side, reading over his shoulder and listening intently to a story from ten years ago, when a tiny little picture and blurb on the bottom right hand side of the page caught his attention and sent his mind stirring.

* * *

"Cooper do you know who June Dolloway is?"

Kurt had gone home for the night after school. Blaine had long ago climbed into bed, but he lay awake until his brother was likely to be home from set. The memory had held firm, tugging at the back of his mind. And he knew his brother held the answer.

"Of course I do Squirt, she's only one of the biggest socialites America has ever seen," Cooper said. "American Royalty. But you know her too."

Blaine's brow raised. "I do?"

"Sure." Blaine could hear his brother's grin through the phone. "Let's see, you were about 7 and I was 17 and Grandfather had brought us to one of those rich dish Galas he loved so much, some Westerville Symphony Fundraiser or something. He always paraded us around the room and introduced us to all the elite, though I never knew if he was showing us off to them or them off to us. Either way, that night we both met June Dolloway."

"I don't remember," Blaine said softly, deep in thought, but a part of him had suspected as much because that event was exactly the one in the article.

"Well I'm not surprised, you were only 7. That night may have actually been our first public performance together of Rio though, Grandfather had us up on stage singing for our supper," Cooper remembered. "We brought in a pretty penny too. I killed it."

"Was she nice? June I mean?"

"Well if I remember correctly she took a very special liking to me, of course," Cooper gloated. "Why all the questions Blaine?"

"Kurt and I are gonna being singing for her at NYADA. She's donated a bunch of money and Kurt was chosen to perform for her and he asked me to join him."

"Blaine that's amazing!" Cooper shouted. Blaine laughed at his enthusiasm.

"It's for Kurt, he's the one that really wants to meet her. Maybe see if she'll take him under her wing, which would be just amazing." Blaine said. "I'm only singing 'cause he asked me, but it should be fun."

"It'll be more than fun Blaine. She's gonna love you. You are my brother after all," Cooper told him. "Kurt better watch out."

* * *

Kurt skittered around the soon to be dedicated Dolloway Dance Lab, wringing his hands and biting his lip. "Oh my god I'm so nervous," he breathed, bouncing from toe to toe.

Blaine looked over at him and smiled. One of the things he loved about Kurt was just how nervous he still got in front of a crowd even though he had one of the most incredible voices Blaine had ever heard. "Don't be nervous, she is going to love you," he promised.

"But what if she doesn't?" Kurt looked at him with earnest. He was used to being overlooked and rejected because of who he was or the sound that came out of his mouth. The acceptance he'd been feeling lately at NYADA was foreign to him.

Blaine knew this and he knew how to deal with it. He wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist and held him close, letting Kurt's racing heart settle into the slower rhythm of his own. "If she doesn't then you and I will keep fighting and working until somebody does notice just how incredible a talent you are." Blaine nuzzled into the crook of Kurt's neck, one of his most favorite places in the world. "Just like everyone at NYADA has learned, and just like I have always known from the moment I heard you sing."

Kurt looked over his shoulder at Blaine and smirked. "Not before?" he teased.

"No," Blaine hummed into his ear. "Before I just knew I loved you."

Kurt's worries melted into a bright smile. "Me too."

* * *

"Now June, you know as well as I do we couldn't ask a freshmen to sing at the dedication." Carmen Tibedeaux looked up sternly at the socialite from behind her desk. June may have had the money but Carmen still had the authority to make this decision. "But Mr. Hummel is very talented, a rising star at this school and quite predictably he has asked his fiancé to sing along with him."

"And he's doing well?" June asked, settling into the chair across from Carmen. "Blaine I mean?"

Carmen frowned slightly. "We've had some issues with a sense of entitlement but I think we've nipped that in the bud. Otherwise yes, he's doing as well as you said he would."

"Good. Now let me judge for myself."

June rose to her feet and made her way to the door to await her introduction. When the doors opened she thanked the crowd and took her seat in the audience, glancing over at the boys surreptitiously. She hadn't seen him perform in person since he was at Dalton but she'd followed him online. She had to admit she'd been worried that his star might burn out surrounded by true competition, but it seemed he was burning as bright as ever.

She scrutinized his performance intently, but less than a minute in with a shy flutter of the eyes she saw exactly what she'd seen so long ago in that 7 year old boy. Though she'd lost track of him after that first time until he'd started leading the Warblers at Dalton, she'd been right from the very beginning. He was a star, inside and out. The charisma that had always been there had only matured over time. Every love and every heartache adding beautiful layer upon beautiful layer to the soul that made him shine.

Kurt, on the other hand, didn't have that. Carmen was right, he had a beautiful voice, but much like Blaine's brother Cooper, he tried too hard. But it wasn't just that. June could see that Kurt kept a distance from his pain, walling it off instead of inviting it in to let it sit and simmer to develop flavor. Kurt was talented, but he wasn't right. Not for her crowd.

Not for her plans.

* * *

_Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change_   
_Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage_   
_I know that in the morning now I see us in the light upon a hill_   
_Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still_

Blaine waved to June on the front stoop of his apartment and rolled into his apartment at one in the morning, barely able to keep his eyes open. The night had been amazing but exhausting as well, emotionally and physically, performing on and off the stage. Fighting the demons that he refused to let surface. Because walking into the Soho gala was like walking into a memory for Blaine.

Even though he and the Warblers had occasionally performed at events like this inevitably hosted by Dalton parents or alum, what Blaine vividly remembered now was exactly what Cooper had described. June led him around the room just like his grandfather had so many years ago and throughout the night introduced him to every single one of her very influential friends. They'd all seemed bigger so long ago but so much came back to him. Most especially his grandfather's words.

_Find yourself a pretty lady to walk on your arm Blaine and the society magazines will keep a handsome boy like you set for life._

After his grandfather had died the parties became a little bit smaller and a little less luxurious but no less snobbish. In fact, because the money was less and the country club crowd was trying so hard it was probably even more so. And the pressure to find a pretty lady for his arm grew more and more.

"Blaine, come up please, I want to introduce you," June had called. Blaine looked around. By his brother's side when he was 7 years old and carefree was one thing, but now he had to meet June's expectations. His performance would reflect on her. "Blaine Anderson."

Stepping onto the stage, looking out at the crowd he couldn't help but flashback to the fateful day he'd sung _Baby Its Cold Outside_. But the moment the music had started and he'd looked up at June the Dalton mask and performance settled deep inside him. It was so easy to fall back into old patterns.

If he had been straight, this was exactly what his life would have been.

Walking into his bedroom, trying to let go of the night, he stripped off his coat and tie, hanging them both on the back of his chair before switching on the light to get ready for bed.

"What the hell!"

He jumped back slightly as his sheets rustled and a sleepy Santana sat up in his bed rubbing her eyes. "What's a girl got to do to get a little shut eye around here?"

"Uh, stay in your own bed maybe?" Blaine suggested with a brow cocked. "What are you doing in here?"

Santana though didn't move, she just grabbed his pillow and snuggled into it again. "I am pretty sure they call it sleeping Boyfriend, you should look it up. It's something you and Kurt don't do when you're together and apparently neither do Sam and Mercedes even though they're flying Virgin."

"Virgin doesn't mean dead 'Tana," Blaine smirked.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure it does," Santana countered.

Blaine just rolled his eyes and pulled back the sheets. "It doesn't, believe me. Now get the hell out of my bed."

Santana though pulled the sheets back up. "You snooze you lose. I'll move over. It's the best offer you're going to get tonight," she said.

Blaine sighed. "Fine." He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower before putting on some pajamas and climbing into bed with Santana. "I get my pillow though." He yanked it out from under her head and laid down. He closed his eyes in frustration when she stole the blankets from him in retaliation but eventually they settled in. Quiet fell over the room and Blaine was almost asleep when Santana woke him.

"So how was the party rich boy?" she asked.

"Like déjà vu," Blaine muttered, his eyes slowly opening again.

Santana rolled over onto her side and tucked her hand beneath her chin. "How so?"

Blaine shifted to face her, but his eyes were distant in memory. "When I was young, especially when my dad was deployed, my grandfather used to come around a lot, probably to keep an eye on us. He would take Coop and my mom and me to these tremendous galas. Maybe not quite the 1% of the 1% like tonight, but close enough. I remember being just so mesmerized by everything, the lights and the excitement and just the electricity that buzzed around the room. I wanted so badly to be a part of it, to live that life where it seemed that everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." He met Santana's eyes shining in the darkness. "And my grandfather wanted it too. I was raised for it Santana. I was groomed to be the golden boy on the beautiful girl's arm."

"Except you were looking for the handsome boy's arm instead," Santana noted gently.

"Yeah." Blaine closed his eyes. The pain was still deep in his heart. He was coming to terms with the fact that it would probably never fully leave. "But now it's different, you know?" he said softly. "I'm out and proud and engaged to Kurt and June doesn't care. And I wonder if maybe I really can have that life anyway?"

"Except there's still no man on your arm Blaine," Santana pointed out and her tone was a touch harsh. "You're still leaving Kurt behind."

Blaine's heart sunk slightly, guilt rolling through him. "That's not why though," he said defensively.

Santana would have bet all of June's money it was but she didn't say that. "Why did you stop going to these things? When you were a kid?"

"Dad loved that world, fit in perfectly, and he always greatly approved of us learning proper etiquette and diplomacy and all the other things that high society showed to the outside word. But my mom hated it. She said she didn't like the types of people he was exposing us to though I never really understood what she was so afraid of. Even after my grandfather died, when my Dad returned from Iraq we kept going for a bit. Dad was this big war hero and it was fashionable then to honor veterans. But eventually that grew out of style and with too much of my grandfather's money tied up in trust funds for me and Cooper my Dad settled for the country club life instead. I still performed all the time," Blaine said then grew quieter. "Until word got out."

"Was that after the Sadie Hawkins dance?" Santana asked carefully.

"No. Dad was somehow able to keep that all quiet then and Dalton played right into the beautiful lie he told the world," Blaine said. "It was after Christmas three years ago." He'd told her before about what had happened. "That was the last time I was invited to sing."

"That world is full of beautiful lies Blaine, you know that," Santana warned him. "You should be careful. I know it's easy to get caught back up in it, it's rich and glamorous and it holds opportunities you can't find anywhere else. But it also forces sacrifices Blaine. Ones you may not be willing to make."

Blaine thought back to his evening and he frowned. "June isn't like that," he told Santana. And himself.

"Just be careful," she said softly. "Things are never quite what they seem."

Blaine nodded. He knew that better than anyone. "I will."

* * *

Blaine was out another night with June and Kurt was curled up on his couch very happily watching television when Santana came barging in dressed to the nines. He tried to get her to leave. He failed miserably.

"Look Hummel, I am not going to let you sit around here rewatching season after season of whatever god awful show you are watching," Santana snapped, staring at the screen with disgust. There were girls with nose jobs that looked worse than Berry's original and booties bigger than the ones in Sam's last ad campaign. "Get your ass up and go out with me. The jazz club awaits."

Kurt pouted and settled further into the couch. "I'm just not really feeling like going out Santana," he groaned.

She picked up the remote and turned the television off. "Don't care." Ignoring his death glare she grabbed his wallet and threw it at him. "Listen to me. They're plastic," she said pointing to the television. "Smoke and mirrors pretending to be people they aren't in order to make a name for themselves. Sound familiar?" she raised a brow.

That got Kurt's attention. "That's not what Blaine's doing with June," he insisted, standing up and putting his wallet in his pocket.

"Sure. And it's not what Mercedes is doing on her album either," she said sarcastically. "You and I, we have just as much of what it takes to make it, the difference is that we aren't willing to compromise who we are to be what they want."

"Blaine isn't either," Kurt protested but Santana just hummed.

"We'll see," she muttered and pushed him out the door. They walked in silence toward the club, the horns and sirens surrounding them as dusk fell over the city. "I've been gone too long. None of you can manage life on your own without me. You're all falling to pieces."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I think that's a little egotistical Santana." They rounded the corner and headed down the two blocks to the subway. "Blaine can handle himself in that crowd just fine."

"It won't be hard for him Kurt. To slip back into that life. A life with a lot of not so good memories." Kurt shoved his hands in his pockets, trying not to believe her but knowing she was right. "And no matter how beautiful it looks on the outside, it isn't really a pretty place." Santana stopped at the top of the subway stairs, leaning against the rail. "You know that and he knows that and yet you're both so willing to let him fall." She looked at him and she could see his mind turning. _Take one for the team_ , Kurt had told him. Would the price be too high? "You might want to ask yourself why." Santana raised a brow before heading down into the station.

Kurt paused a minute, considering her words. The fact was he knew exactly why. It was the same reason Rachel had flown off to Los Angeles.

Chasing a dream was always more exhilarating than catching one.

* * *

"Hey Mom, what's up?" Blaine was walking from class to meet June at the restaurant. June had told him she had something important she wanted to talk about and Kurt had just kissed him on the cheek and told him to go ahead.

"Is it true that you've been spending time with June Dolloway?" his obviously upset mother asked.

He hesitated slightly to answer. "Where did you hear that?"

Amy scoffed. "You don't hang out with a woman like that and have it go unnoticed Blaine," she chastised. "I have people stopping me in the grocery store. Gossip magazines prey on these kinds of stories and I don't like it."

"Mom, I don't know-"

"Blaine I know it's been a while but you know exactly how I feel about that crowd. You were still pretty young when we were in the thick of it but I steered Cooper away from those benefactors on purpose and you…" she stopped short, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "Those people wouldn't accept you for who you were Blaine. I'm not sure why you'd want to go back into that world."

"June's not like that," Blaine protested, anger building because he was sick of having to defend himself and June. If Santana had called her and the magazines were just an excuse then he had a thing or two to say to his best friend. "And maybe the world's changed."

"And maybe it hasn't," she countered.

"Well then maybe _I_ have," Blaine snapped. "Maybe I'm old enough and smart enough to make my own decisions about who I spend time with and where I go. Kurt supports me, I don't know why you and Santana won't."

Amy sighed, a silence falling over the call. Blaine rounded the corner to the restaurant and he saw June waiting for him inside. He tried to let his anger go before he said something he'd regret to either of them. "Look Blaine, I will always support you," his mother assured him. "But I also want what's best for you and I don't know that this is it."

Blaine bit his lip and he glanced to June then down to the ground. "I don't know if it is either Mom," he admitted. "But June's my friend and she's done a lot for me already. And I love it Mom. I love her stories and the parties and being in the middle of so many amazing people. And they don't seem to care that I'm gay Mom, not anymore, not like it used to be."

"Do you see any other gay couples there?" Amy asked. Blaine pressed his hand to his face. He didn't want to have to deal with this, not anymore. "These people say one thing and do another. I know you want to believe in the best of people and I love that about you, but please, just be careful."

Blaine nodded, his stomach clenching and for the second time he made the same promise. "I will."

* * *

It was the footsteps in the dark that woke her for the third time in thirty minutes. "I swear to God Blaine if you pace back and forth between the kitchen and your bedroom one more time I am going to tie you to your bed and not in any sort of a good way," Santana growled. Her eyes were squinting with sleep as she sat up on the couch, curling up with her pillow in her arms. "Now what the hell is eating you up so much?"

"It's nothing, I'm sorry I woke you," Blaine muttered starting back to his room but Santana stopped him.

"It's clearly not nothing, Boyfriend, so now that you've woken me up you best get your perky little ass sitting on this couch and talk to me," Santana ordered.

If there was one thing in the world that Blaine needed to learn it was how to say no, but tonight would not be the night and Santana would not be his first attempt. And reality was, if he didn't talk this out he would be much to wracked with guilt to fall asleep and he knew that no matter what he could always tell Santana the truth. "It's Kurt," Blaine sighed, sitting down across from her. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. "Well actually it's me. I kinda lied to him."

"I don't think _kinda_ and _lie_ really go together in Kurt's mind," Santana said.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, running his hand through his hair. "I know, and I didn't mean to it's just, I wanted so badly for June to let Kurt be in my showcase and then, god Santana you should have seen how his face lit up when I told him he could sing, I just want to always be able to do that for him, you know, make his face light up like that? And he deserves it Santana, he really does and June is wrong, the world _does_ need to see his talent, but now I have to convince her of that and I don't think I can." Blaine finally stopped to breathe and Santana stared back at him like he had just confessed to killing three puppies.

"I don't even know what to say to you right now Anderson." Santana shook her head angrily. "What is it about you and Mercedes that makes you think you can get the rest of the world to love us when we're clearly not wanted."

Blaine's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean you're not wanted?"

Santana's fierceness softened and she bit her lip with a vulnerability that was rarely seen by anyone other than Brittany or Blaine. "Mercedes tried to get me on her album as a duet partner. And apparently I'm not what the label is looking for. Which is fine." Her eyes raised to Blaine with a sternness that made him shrink slightly. "I'm glad I know rather than thinking I am and having the rug pulled out from under me."

"I won't let that happen," Blaine swore, but he knew that Santana was right. June had been very clear she didn't want to showcase Kurt, didn't even want him to _be_ with Kurt. Just like Santana and her mother had both tried to warn him. His fingers twirled a phantom wedding band on his left hand. "I _can't_ let that happen. I can't hurt him like that."

"You're playing a dangerous game Boyfriend," Santana warned her. "This June Dolloway isn't going to give a crap about what you want or what's good for you. People like that are what folks in Lima Heights Adjacent would call a vulture. She'll pick and pick at you until she's had her fill and then she'll drop you and move on."

Blaine wished he could once again say that June wasn't like that. But at least a little part of Blaine had to finally admit that maybe Santana and his mom were right. "Well if that's true than I need to take my chance while I can," Blaine said firmly. "But I promise I will take Kurt with me. We're running this race together or not at all."

* * *

Kurt swung Blaine's hand exiting the Spotlight Diner, nearly skipping down the shadowed New York City streets. It wasn't just how much he'd missed Kurt over the last week that made Blaine unable take his eyes off of him. It was simply that there was absolutely nothing better than seeing Kurt glow with the happiness that everything at the nursing home and Rachel's project had given him.

He hated that soon he'd be the one to crash it all down around them with his own lies. Because though he'd been trying all week to get June to change her mind about Kurt, he was having no luck. And now he'd dug his own grave and soon would have to face the music. But now wasn't that time. Now he'd enjoy this moment as much as he could and his eyes shined, a smile teasing at his lips.

Kurt glanced at Blaine out of the corner of his eye. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked with a crooked grin.

"I just…" Blaine bowed his head as his heart swelled. "I'm just really proud of you Kurt. Everything you did tonight. Watching you fly…it was amazing."

"Well the harness helped," Kurt smirked.

"I don't mean the harness," Blaine said softly. He stopped out front of a bookstore and he took Kurt's hands, holding them tight. Proud tears shined in eyes full of love. "You are my lucky star Kurt. You have been for so long now and you always _always_ will be no matter what."

Kurt blushed. "You're such a sap," he teased.

But Blaine was too lost in his eyes and in the past to care. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight-"

"There aren't stars in New York," Kurt interrupted.

"Don't ruin this," Blaine scolded quickly and Kurt lowered his eyes and smiled demurely. "Do you remember, about two years ago? We stood outside my father's house in the freezing cold and you asked me what I used to wish for on the stars when I was a kid."

Of course Kurt remembered. "You said you wished for me."

"And you asked me what I used to wish for before you," Blaine reminded him. When Kurt had sung tonight it had all come back. "And I wouldn't tell you because then it wouldn't come true. So you wrapped me in your arms," he said as he wrapped Kurt in his, "and whispered in my ear: Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight."

"I wish I may," Kurt continued, "I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight."

Blaine nuzzled into Kurt's neck. He didn't care at all who was watching. "I know how you felt about my dad that night Kurt. But even so you encouraged me to keep trying. Because he was trying and he was alive and as long as he was alive I should have a chance to have a father. Because once they're gone, they're gone. And you were right." A tear slipped from Blaine's eyes and he swallowed against the rising tide, brushing it away. He looked up to the empty sky and let out a breath. "I wished not to lose him. When I was a kid, that was what I wished for." Kurt turned in Blaine's arms. He could see the pain in Blaine's eyes though he wasn't sure exactly where it was coming from. "Though I always hated the way he treated me I was still terrified every day that I would go too far, I would make one mistake too many and finally he'd just give up on me and walk away forever."

"Blaine," Kurt sighed.

Blaine shook his head, reaching up to caress Kurt's cheek. "I just wanted you to know," he said softly. "Watching you sing that song, watching you fly. I just…" He rolled his lips nervously between his teeth. He still had time to make things right, but just in case he couldn't… "I just wanted you to know my wish."

Kurt's brow furrowed with worry, but he gave a quick nod and a small smile. "Okay." Kurt linked his arm in Blaine's and started back down the street. And quietly he sang as they walked home.

_Just come with me where dreams are born_   
_And time is never planned_   
_Just think of happy things_   
_And your heart will fly on wings_   
_In Never Never Land._


	5. All of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finale chapters are so hard! (She says as she still hasn't written the series finale chapter yet!)
> 
> The Josh Groban song used in this chapter came out two weeks after the posted chapter of "Moving Out" and it would have been absolutely perfect for that episode. I've been crying ever since but luckily Glee gave me a second chance in this episode.
> 
> Glee does not belong to me. Neither do some of the words in the chapter, although I think they were written just for me ;P

Blaine couldn't help but think about how best friends seemed to come in and out of his life on a fairly regular basis, there for the time he needed them until one or both of them were ready to move on. Try as he might he couldn't silence the little voice in the back of his head that said it could be the same thing with Kurt. He'd read enough soulmate stories to know that not all ended in happily ever after.

He knew his mind was wandering to avoid the situation right in front of him. He sat on the couch watching Santana pack her meager belongings into a suitcase she could carry onto the plane.

"You're not coming back, are you?" Blaine's voice was heavy with the weight of that possibility.

She found it hard to look him in the eye to answer, but she did with a mix of sadness and excitement. "I don't know," she admitted.

"What am I going to do without you?" he asked, pulling a pillow into his lap.

"Same thing you'd do with me, Boyfriend," she snapped. "Stop being stupid. Tell Kurt the truth."

Throwing his head back, Blaine groaned. "He's going to hate me, Santana. Lying is the one thing he can't stand me doing."

"Then you need to figure out a way to stop." She stated the obvious with a raised brow.

"I know, I know," Blaine whined and Santana rolled her eyes. "I don't even know why I do it."

Santana sighed. "Yes you do," she said gently, pulling the pillow from his arms and sitting down next to him. "And so does Kurt."

Memories came back to him in a flood, the hundreds of lies he must have told over his lifetime. His eyes darkened and fell on his best friend. "It's just, I've been doing it my whole life."

"Well this is the start of a new life Blaine," Santana told him firmly. "You don't have to pretend for him. You don't have to be perfect for him. And you don't need to protect him."

He knew she was right in every way and yet one worry kept running through his mind. "What if it's too late?" he asked.

She pulled him into his arms and held him as he rested his head on her shoulder. Her thoughts turned to Brittany and the way they'd last ended things. "It's never too late for love Blaine. It's the one thing Kurt will always trust about you. So trust him."

* * *

"You're up late," the Colonel said with a soft smile as he sat down beside his wife in the backyard swing. She returned the smile but said nothing, just staring up at the crescent moon as it shined down on them both. "Which kid is worrying you now?" he asked with a bit of a tease. "Or is it me who's in trouble?"

"You're safe this time," she teased back, leaning her head on his shoulder as her smiled faded. "It's Blaine."

John hummed against her hair. "Is this about June? He's a big boy, Amy, he can handle himself."

"He's a trusting boy," she corrected. "Too trusting, especially when he doesn't want to believe that someone isn't all that they say they are. But I know that woman, she doesn't have Blaine's best interest at heart."

"Maybe he'll win her over. He's good at that," John said with an embarrassed grin. "Worked for me and I'm about as stubborn as they come."

Amy shook her head though. "She won't accept him as he is. And he's suffered enough with that, I don't want him to have to go through it again. I thought in New York-"

"He will handle whatever comes his way, he's had a lot of practice. He and Kurt both have." He kissed her softly on her temple. "They're both going to be fine."

She sat up, leaning her head against the cushioned back. "When he's scared he holds on too tight. And Kurt-"

"And Kurt pulls away," he said looking at her pointedly. "But somehow even through the worst they find their way back to one another. Kurt has a big heart to forgive. When he wants to."

She smiled, knowing though he talked of the kids, he spoke of themselves as well. "Love is worth forgiving for," she said.

* * *

_**Kurt to Blaine: You got some time for lunch? I don't have class until 1.** _

_Blaine to Kurt: I'm sorry Kurt, I really have to rehearse as much as I can while the dance lab is free. I can do dinner tonight though._

_**Kurt to Blaine: I've got a dinner meeting for my scene study class. Why don't I come rehearse with you?** _

_Blaine to Kurt: June wants to work on our numbers today. Soon though…_

_**Kurt to Blaine: Okay. See you after dinner?** _

_Blaine to Kurt: I promised Sam I'd spend some time with him since Mercedes is meeting with her producers. You could come join :-)_

_**Kurt to Blaine: I think I'll pass. :-P** _

_Blaine to Kurt: K. I'm sorry. I really miss you._

_**Kurt to Blaine: Don't be sorry. <3** _

_Blaine to Kurt: <3_

Kurt's phone rang as he started to head out to the street. Blaine may not have time to go out to lunch, but if he was lucky he could meet Blaine before he'd eaten and without June there to rake her eyes over Kurt as if he was barely worthy to grace the stage with Blaine. He knew they'd only have a few minutes at best, but it was becoming harder and harder to sneak in time together the closer the showcase got, and he missed his fiancé.

"Hey," Rachel greeted cheerfully when he answered his cell. "You free for lunch? We're taking a writing break, thank god," she added on her breath.

"Oh gosh, I wish I could Rachel but I have to be in class at 1 and I'm going to try to sneak in a quickie with Blaine. Lunch that is," he quickly clarified. "Not, well, an afternoon delight," he blushed.

"Miss Pillsbury's version of an afternoon delight. Not as good Kurt, you should go for the original," Rachel teased. "Either way have a good time. I'll see you later."

"Bye," he said, putting his phone away just as he reached his and Blaine's favorite nearby take out place. Waiting for his food, he scrolled through Facebook, catching up on Tina and Mike and the NYADA gossip of the day. His name was called and he took the bag and walked the couple of blocks to school. He grabbed the brass handle to the NYADA door, swung it open and climbed the stairs up to the dance floor.

As soon as he topped the stairs he heard Blaine's voice ring out and he smiled walking toward it.

_Cause I give you all of me_   
_And you give me all of you_   
_Give me all of you, cards on the table we're both showing hearts_   
_Risking it all though it's hard_

The smile faded though, the closer he got. Blaine lifted his eyes and Kurt knew immediately that something was wrong, he could feel it in the crawling of his skin. Blaine's voice had always been a window to his soul and right now it was screaming out.

But Kurt ignored it. Blaine's face full of pain and guilt, he knew that face all too well by now not to recognize it in an instant, but he ignored it, hoping it was just his imagination. All he wanted was to see his fiancé and have lunch and steal a quick kiss before going another 24 hours without seeing him. All he wanted was a smile and wink and not the eyes that clenched his heart, so he ignored it just hoping that today wouldn't be the day that everything came full circle, and if it was he really didn't want to know. Because he just wasn't sure he could take it one more time.

But Blaine's confession that he lied broke the damn and he didn't even think about what Blaine's reaction might be when he flung the carefully selected lunch he'd brought halfway across the room. He didn't accept Blaine's pleas of apologies and explanations. The words were becoming meaningless, spoken too often like the boy who cried wolf. And most of all he was angry at himself for believing it every time. For trusting him when he'd been given so many reasons not to. For constantly coming back just for Blaine to lie to him over and over again.

He stormed out of the room, needing to get away, but he couldn't go far, he had classes and rehearsals and people relying on him and he wasn't one to let anyone down. He tried to let go of it, forget it as he sang songs that didn't matter and said words that weren't his and pretended to be someone he wasn't. But when dinner was finally done he walked, dodging his way around the millions of people in the city in a way that he never would have been able to just two years ago. He'd changed so much since the day he'd stepped off the plane and run into Rachel's arms. He'd grown physically and emotionally and how on earth was he just supposed to constantly stay by a man who couldn't seem to do the same?

He settled on a small stone ledge, leaning back on the grass to stare up at the dark sky. There was no moon and he could see only one tiny star trying to burn bright enough to be noticed. It blinked at him and in his head he sang _"I wish"_ and Blaine's words after his Peter Pan performance came crashing back.

" _Though I always hated the way he treated me I was still terrified every day that I would go too far, I would make one mistake too many and finally he'd just give up on me and walk away forever."_

Blaine had known when he'd said that what he had done. The words had been for him.  

How long would Blaine's childhood fears haunt them? How long would Kurt pay for the sins of the Colonel?

He pulled out his phone and looked at the time. Rachel would be home soon, worrying about him. Rolling the phone over in his hand, he meant to put it back in his pocket, but instead he found himself dialing the one person he thought might have the answer.

"Santana's pizza and pole," she blurted out but Kurt didn't laugh.

Instead he simply said, "You were right." It wasn't an easy admission to make and the heaviness in his voice told Santana everything she needed to know.

She exhaled heavily. "He told you," she guessed.

Kurt sighed, pulling one knee up to hug. "He always does eventually, doesn't he?" He stared out into the distance. Young couples in love were holding hands, carefree on a summer night. Those were the moments he cherished. "I guess that's the one thing I can trust, isn't it?" These were the moments he hated.

"The guilt eats away at him," Santana shared softly. "Old thoughts come back about what he deserves."

"What about what I deserve Santana?" Kurt snapped. "Don't I deserve a husband who can be honest? Who doesn't break my heart with every lie he tells? Tell me who is going to protect me if I don't protect myself?"

"Blaine is," Santana insisted with obvious frustration. "And if you don't believe that you're the most important thing in the world to him then that's your issue, Porcelain, not his. 'Cause I don't know how else he could possibly prove it to you."

Kurt rested his chin on his knee and closed his eyes. "It's exhausting Santana."

"Yeah," she said. "Well, just try to imagine how it is for him."

* * *

**_Blaine to Kurt: I'd really like if we could just talk about this._ **

_**Kurt to Blaine: I'd really like for you to just give me my space.** _

"I'm beginning to think you two fight just to have make up sex," Sam said, peering over Blaine's shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure make up sex requires making up Sam, and right now Kurt won't even talk to me."

"Well what exactly did you expect? Blaine Anderson, I don't even know what to do with you anymore," Sam lectured, pacing the living room. Blaine fell back on the couch, rolling his eyes, but he didn't say anything. He knew he deserved it. "How many times have we talked about this? You don't lie to Kurt. How hard is that?"

"Apparently very hard," Blaine muttered and Sam smacked at his knees with the pillow.

"Why. Just tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to lie to your fiancé," Sam demanded, crossing his arms angrily. When Blaine said nothing he tapped his foot. "Well? I'm waiting."

It seemed to Blaine that at every moment in his life he had that one friend who forgot his history and just told it like it was. As much as he hated being lectured, with Santana gone he was glad that Sam was here. It was somewhat reassuring. "I just…I knew it would make him happy and I thought I could make it happen." He sat up with a groan and grabbed the pillow to comfort himself. "I guess I figured that I could just charm June like I do everyone else. But it's not as easy here as it was in Ohio." Blaine frowned. "Maybe I've lost my touch."

"Maybe you've…?" Sam stared at him incredulously. "Maybe you've lost your touch for lying and manipulating? Well I should sure as hell hope so. You should be ashamed, young man. Ashamed!" Sam pointed sternly.

Blaine was saved from Sam's lecture by the doorbell and the arrival of Artie. "Hey hey hey, it's boys' night out time!" Artie called as he rolled in and immediately to the game system to set up. "Imma gonna kick yo' asses tonight. Mega tournament, no holds barred." He looked around at the boys. "Where's Kurt?"

"He's with the girls," Blaine muttered, avoiding Artie's raised brow.

"Because Blaine and Kurt are-" Sam smirked.

"You know I'm not the only one with relationship issues Sam," Blaine interrupted with an accusing glare as he sat down and picked up his controller. "It's not like you and Mercedes are in seventh heaven."

"You are just trying to escape my wrath," Sam said sitting next to him.

Blaine looked over at Sam with a plea in his eye. "Maybe I just feel bad enough already and I don't need your reminder of how I screwed up."

"Yeah fine," Sam allowed. "But this conversation is not over."

Blaine rolled his eyes as he blew up an enemy encampment. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

* * *

She rested her head in her hands only moments after the curtain call. Running her fingers through her hair she raised her eyes to the dressing room mirror. She looked tired. Worn. And at 20 years old that was entirely unacceptable.

She reached for her makeup remover, pulling a pad out of the container and slowly inching it along her face – her cheeks, her nose, beneath her eyes. She tossed a used one into the trash and grabbed another when she heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," Rachel called. As she worked the pad along her chin and to her ears, she glanced up in the mirror expecting the stage manager or producer, maybe one of her costars. Her heart flipped though as she saw her mother walk through the door, closing it behind her with a warm smile. Rachel spun around. "Shelby!" she exclaimed, jumping up to hug her, surprised and pleased and suddenly reviewing every move she'd made in her performance that evening to decide what mistakes her mother might have seen. "You didn't tell me you were coming!"

"Well I didn't want to make you nervous," Shelby said, grabbing a chair across from hers and they both sat down. She reached for Rachel's hand, and Rachel let it fall into the woman's she had grown to love and respect in the strangest of ways. "Because you have no need to be nervous. You were incredible Rachel. Born for the stage."

Rachel blushed and looked away sheepishly. "Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

"I don't give praise where it doesn't belong, Rachel, even to my own daughter." Rachel looked back and Shelby's eyes were soft but judging and Rachel knew that she hadn't come only for the show. "So what's this I hear about you heading to LA?"

"Oh." Rachel took her hand back, folding it on her lap with the other, wringing them together nervously. "It's nothing definite. Not yet. I just thought that I should try to branch out, try new-" Shelby's glare stopped her, the glare that looked a lot like whenever her fathers had caught her in a lie. She sighed and turned back to her mirror, finishing with her makeup and picking up the brush for her hair. "I can't stay here," she said softly. "It's too hard."

"Hard how?" Shelby asked gently.

Rachel put the brush down. She looked at her mother in the mirror. She'd understand, wouldn't she? They were alike in so many ways and being near Rachel had been hard for her. It wasn't the same, but it was close. "I see him in the audience. He's in the theater. Every night. And for a long time it was comforting, everything I needed to stay connected to him in that way, to know that he was still with me. But I can't do it anymore."

"The pain gradually fades," Shelby said.

Rachel turned, knowing there was only compassion in her mother's voice. "That's just the thing though. Some days are hard, sure, and I know that will never change. But the pain has faded. And a large part of me wants to move on, but I can't. Not as long as I'm here. It's like," she paused, searching for the right words. "Broadway was a part of _us._ Our dream. And I think I need a new dream now. One that's just for me."

Shelby pursed her lips, but she nodded her understanding. "I think that makes sense."

"You know," Rachel said, surprised at even the thought. "I'm not afraid of failure anymore. Not like I used to be. We can make all the plans in the world and do everything right and still you don't get the end you expected. The one you thought you deserved. From here on out my life is unchartered territory. So why not do something I never even dreamed would be possible?"

Shelby sat back and she looked at Rachel with a mother's pride. "I think there's no reason you shouldn't."

* * *

"Brittany sometimes you are just so stupid," Santana snapped. "Why can't you just be happy for me?"

"I am happy for you Santana, of course," Brittany said, curled up on the couch in the loft. Kurt was out, Rachel was sleeping and finally Santana had called her on the new cellphone Mercedes had insisted she get for tour. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me earlier."

"You know why Britt," came the quiet voice on the other end of the phone. "I'm just…I'm not good at this. When we're together it's amazing but…"

"But you're scared. I know."

The line went quiet. Brittany could still hear the music from Santana's night shoot softly playing in the background. "I love you," she said firmly. "Nothing you do or say is ever going to change that. And when you're ready to trust that, you know where to find me."

"I love you too," Santana whispered and hung up.

Brittany put the phone down and drew the blanket at her feet up over her. She laid down, closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. The song played over and over in her head, flowing into her dreams. She woke up with it embedded in her heart.

_The sun is setting in your quiet eyes  
You take for granted what we've always seen inside_

Music permeated Kurt's dream just moments before he awoke, his eyes fluttering open in the loft. He'd come home late, slept late, drowning himself in the darkness and maybe just a little bit of drink last night with some of the guys from school. But it hadn't been the same without Blaine.

_You run in circles_   
_And you don't know how_   
_You got to this place_   
_But you sure do live there now_

He picked up the phone, knowing it would be there despite telling him not to. In truth it soothed him. He wondered what exactly he'd do if one morning it didn't come.

_**Blaine to Kurt: Good morning Kurt. I love you.** _

It was always the same, every time they fought. They run, they follow. Round and round in circles, the same issues every time. Trust. Honesty. One terrified Kurt. The other terrified Blaine. Would they have believed on the staircase at Dalton that this would be where they would end up? But staircase after staircase their world constantly changed.

_And I won't blame you if you fall_   
_And I won't ask you to believe that life won't hurt at all_   
_When the tears stream down your face_   
_And you've given all your light away_   
_I'd like to be the safest place_   
_Your hideaway_

The music drawing him in, Kurt pushed a small corner of the curtain aside to find Brittany dancing beautifully in the living room, the furniture pushed aside, to the song she played. It was rare to see Brittany dance anything but pop, but she'd taken years of ballet. Kurt found himself wishing she danced it more often. She was absolutely stunning. He nearly stepped out when he realized her phone was sitting perched on the table, recording. He didn't know who it was for. He just knew that the words could have just as well been for him.

_The fear keeps coming back to you in waves_   
_When you catch the wrong side of the same mistakes you've made_   
_You're tuning out because it hurts too much to try_   
_You're giving up before you've had your chance to fly_

Blaming Blaine was easy. Easier than coming to terms with his own faults anyway. In the moments though where he could see Blaine's parents inside him, his fear did indeed come back. Blaine had so much to overcome and Kurt knew in his heart that he had to have patience, but sometimes it just hurt so much to try. So instead he tuned it out, pretended he didn't see the signs, hoping that they would just go away, that he was just being paranoid. But he knew. He always knew. And then he always walked away as if he hadn't.

He didn't want to give up before they'd had their chance to fly.

_And I won't blame you if you fall_   
_And I won't ask you to believe that life won't hurt at all_   
_But when the tears stream down your face_   
_And you've given all your light away I'd liked to be the safest place_   
_Your hideaway, Your hideaway_   
_And here comes the rain_

" _I can't stop you from failing, but I can promise to make it safe if you do."_

He'd promised. Was he a man of his word? Could he keep himself safe when Blaine falling meant breaking Kurt's heart?

_When you've given all your light away I'd like to be the safest place_   
_I will close the doors and lock the gates_   
_And give to you my safest place_   
_Your hideaway_   
_Your hideaway_

He stepped out from behind the curtain after she'd turned the video off. "That was beautiful," he said softly.

Brittany spun around, startled. "Oh Kurt, you scared me. I didn't think you were home, I thought you were at Blaine's last night."

"Sorry," he apologized, stepping out into the living room. "I didn't mean to scare you. Or pry. The song just…and your dancing was beautiful Britt," he said, leaning against one arm of the couch. She smiled at him and grabbed the other end of the couch. Together they put it back where it belonged. "I miss getting to watch you all the time. And it's been a really long time since I've seen you dance like that." He moved to the armchair, put it back in its place and took a seat. "Who was it for?"

Brittany went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. "Santana. We had a fight."

It had been a long time now, he and Britt, the unicorns, fighting to keep up with Santana and Blaine. Somehow Brittany never stopped, no matter what. "How do you do it Britt? She's certainly not the easiest person to love," Kurt said.

"Who said love was supposed to be easy?" Brittany asked breezily, but she looked at him and she knew. She always knew that look on Kurt. "Nobody's perfect Kurt. Santana and Blaine, they have their faults, but so do we. She puts up with me when nothing around me makes sense. And sometimes her words bite, but I know it always comes from a place of fear. She would never mean to hurt me with them."

"But what if she does?" Kurt asked quietly. "Hurt you with them?"

"When Santana messes up it's usually _because_ she loves me. Not because she doesn't." Things like this were so clear to her. These were the things that made sense. "Sometimes life hurts. Sometimes love hurts. It's how you know you're alive," Brittany explained. "Look, Kurt, I love Santana, all of her, the good and the bad." _All your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections._ Kurt's heart felt like it stopped and he took a deep breath to restart it. "So I just trust her that if she does hurt me she'll make it right."

"How?"

Brittany shrugged. "I just do."

* * *

_**Kurt to Blaine: I'm ready to talk.** _

_Blaine to Kurt: Do you want to come over?_

_**Kurt to Blaine: I'll meet you out front.** _

_Blaine to Kurt: I'll be waiting._

* * *

Blaine sat on the stoop feeding the birds. It was nothing like the lake back home where he and Kurt would walk hand in hand, soaking in the beauty of the world around them when the future seemed so bright, so sure. Now nothing was certain. He didn't blame Kurt at all. Blaine lied and lied again and though he never ever meant to hurt Kurt, he'd known in his heart that Kurt's trust was still shaky. And he couldn't blame him after everything he'd done. After where he'd come from. There were demons inside him that were so hard to shake, every time he tried they only weighed him down more.

" _What do you think it's like to fly for the first time?"_

Blaine remembered that day at Six Flags, he always did. Him and his keyboard, looking out on a sea of blazers, family and strangers. Kurt staring up at him, hoping for a chance at a life free of lies and pain. Blaine's eyes had met Burt's, full of a pride he'd never seen before and faith he'd never felt. For the first time, he'd been ready to fly and it had been terrifying. But with Burt by his side he took a step outside his nest and he jumped. He hadn't realized how many times he would fall.

" _I mean, here you are, up in this nest which is the only home you've ever known. Even though your DNA and millions of years of evolution are telling you that if you jump you won't hit the ground like a stone, you can never really know."_

He looked at Kurt. Sometimes he forgot how much hurt his falling could cause the one person in the world he always wanted to protect. Sometimes he forgot that they were one, and with every fall he took, Kurt came tumbling down as well.

" _Relationships are like that."_

Words he would never forget echoed in his mind. _"Relationships are about trust…and I don't trust you anymore."_

Blaine looked away. Because if Kurt couldn't trust him then the relationship was over. Kurt would decide that it was too hard, too much. That he couldn't keep holding his breath waiting for Blaine to soar.

" _You give someone your heart to look after and you tell yourself that you're safe, but you never know if today or tomorrow is the day they drop it like a stone."_

Blaine knew exactly what it was like, to give someone your heart, to expect it to be protected, and then have them drop it over and over again until it broke.

He'd promised himself that he would not follow in his parents' footsteps. He had promised himself that he would never do that to Kurt.

So many promises he had broken.

"Kurt, I'm really, really, really sorry," he said, his voice and his eyes begging for forgiveness. Searching for it.

Walking from his apartment to Blaine's, Kurt had thought about what Brittany had said. He knew how much Blaine loved him, he never doubted that. But every single time Kurt made the mistake that Brittany never did; forgetting that the running and the lying and the clinging, that it all came from fear. A fear so entrenched that it would take more than a gentle kiss, more than a night in bed, more than a ring to make him feel safe. It took him. Kurt. Changing. Being his safest place. Always.

"I get what happened," he told Blaine honestly. "The way that I was talking about the showcase there's no way that I would have been cool with not being in it. I would have lied to me too."

"I don't understand," Blaine said. "If you're not mad then where were you going with all this flying stuff?"

"Oh no, I was mad," Kurt said firmly.

Blaine looked away, broken. This was the moment Kurt would take off the ring and say that Blaine's demons were just too much for him. And Blaine couldn't blame him. They were too much for him sometimes too.

"But then I realized that trust is a choice," Kurt said. It was the hardest choice he thought he would ever make, letting someone hold his heart of glass in his hands every day where just the smallest fumble could make it shatter. But somewhere along his walk from home to this moment, Kurt remembered that his heart wasn't that delicate. It wasn't made of glass. It was so much stronger and if it was dropped like a stone, well, a stone was very hard to break. "Every day we're going to roll out of bed and send each other into the world just trusting that we have each other's backs."

Blaine looked at him, hope glowing in his eyes for the first time in days.

"And we will slip up, and we will be scared, but…" Kurt took his hand. Just like he had at every other crossroads on every other stair where they'd chosen to trust. A little more every time. This time he would choose completely. "I choose to trust and to love you through everything."

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you," Blaine muttered, hugging Kurt, burying himself in the crook of Kurt's neck. Kurt could feel Blaine's heart beating in his chest. He could feel the breath of relief on his skin.

Kurt wrapped an arm around him and held him close, but he knew it wouldn't be easy. Sixteen years of insecurity and negative patterns could not be erased in two. Loving Blaine would never be easy.

But whoever said that Kurt Hummel took the easy way out?

"I love you so much," Blaine said, his words not nearly enough to express the swell in his chest. Nothing mattered more to him than the chance to love Kurt the rest of his life. He would give up anything he had to for that chance. "I meant what I said about the showcase. Either we fly together or we don't fly at all."

But Kurt knew that he couldn't, he _shouldn't,_ be enough for Blaine. Blaine would easily drown in him if Kurt let him, but drowning wasn't soaring. Blaine was a star, and the world deserved to know. "I am very happy for you. And I'm very excited the world gets to see you spread your wings. Now it's your turn to fly."

* * *

Blaine grabbed his things from where he'd kept them behind the stage of the dance lab. "Come on Kurt, the party's gonna start and I'm kind of the guest of honor so I don't think it will do to be fashionably late," he said, grabbing Kurt's hand.

Instead of following though, Kurt pulled him back, taking his other hand in his. Blaine paused, looking up at him with the eyes of pure adoration that Kurt would never grow tired of seeing. "I can't believe you'd risk everything June was offering for me," Kurt said. "I'm proud of you."

Blaine shook his head and laughed softly. "It wasn't just for you Kurt. It was for us. I promised you Kurt, and I don't ever want to break your trust again. I meant what I said. We fly together or we don't fly at all."

Kurt smiled, then looked at Blaine seriously. "Well not flying is not an option," he declared and any lingering doubt he'd had in his mind slipped from his thoughts. "I think you should move back in."

Blaine blinked in surprise. "Oh. Wow, Kurt, I…" It was rare for Kurt to fluster him these days but he still loved the way his fiancé's zigzags could make his heart flutter like the very first day they'd met. "I would love to, of course. But…" He looked in Kurt's eyes, searching for whatever was going on inside that beautiful mind. "Rachel's still there, there are still curtains instead of doors. What's changed?" he asked nervously.

But Kurt's soft smile eased any worries. " _We_ have," he said simply. "And we're gonna be okay."

* * *

Sam was splayed out on his bed, strumming away softly on his guitar while Blaine packed his things once again. After moving so often in the last year, he was beginning to have it down to a science. He still hoped though that he wouldn't be doing it again anytime soon.

"I feel so bad leaving you," Blaine said, apologetically. "We just finished talking about splitting the rent when Mercedes moved out and then I up and leave too. What are you going to do? I can maybe try and find someone at NYADA who needs a roommate, or who wants to move in, what do you-"

"I think I'm gonna go home," Sam said, halting the strings. He looked up to find Blaine shocked into silence. "I don't think modeling's really my thing. Mercedes and Brittany are leaving. You and Kurt will be good as gone in your own little wedding planning world. Artie's all the way out in Brooklyn in a dorm and…this city isn't for me. I'm a country boy at heart. And I just don't have anything here that's for me."

Blaine sat down next to him, curling his leg beneath him. "What is there for you at home?"

Sam had been asking himself the same thing for a while now as he floundered around a city that was too big, too loud, too smelly and far too lonely. "You know whenever I thought of coming to New York, I always figured that Finn would be here too. I mean, I knew that someday he'd go home, but I always figured that with Rachel here he'd be here eventually." Sam looked at Blaine, eyes sad and tired. "But now I just feel further away from him and everything that mattered to him. And I worry, about what he left behind at home. I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do. But then again, neither did he."

Blaine nodded, understanding. "I'm gonna miss you man," he said. "Where am I gonna go when Kurt's being crazy?"

Sam laughed and started strumming his guitar again. "By his side Blaine," he said. "Right where you have always belonged."

* * *

"Are you sure you guys can handle this again," Rachel asked, helping Kurt put the finishing touches on Kurt's surprise for Blaine. "I mean, I certainly don't mind having him here at all, but I'm getting a little bit of whiplash," she teased.

Kurt chuckled. "Aren't we all? I can't even keep track of who lives here anymore." He straightened out the books he'd put on the desk then took them away again. Maybe he'd just let Blaine decorate it, it was his space anyway. "But yes. I'm sure. Are we going to fight? Yes. And then we're going to make up. Over and over and over again." A smile teased at his lips in memory.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You always were a drama queen," she said.

"And I have the crown to prove it," Kurt preened proudly. He looked back at the desk and back at Rachel. "What do you think?"

She stood to the side and smiled at him. "I think it's perfect."

Kurt grabbed the lamp just as the door slid open. Blaine came in, rolling the last of his suitcases behind him and his eyes widened at the sight of the desk. Letting the suitcase stand, he rushed over to Kurt and hugged him tight. "I can't believe you'd do this for me," he said.

"This is your home. Your safe place. I want it to be everything we've ever dreamed of," he smiled softly, holding Blaine's hands in his. "Plus Rachel," he shrugged with a grin.

"Minus doors," Blaine reminded him.

Kurt nodded. "Minus doors," he agreed and he looked down at the man he loved and thought of the vows he'd made and someday would be a making. "Your hideaway," he promised. "Whenever you need it."

Rachel watched as Blaine said nothing, merely leaning in to kiss Kurt with a softness that she desperately missed. Still, there was nothing more beautiful than love and she knew that in the world there was more out there for her. She smiled softly, grabbing her bag for work and slipping out the door to the theater. She walked through the city full of promises, memories, and dreams fulfilled. Seeing Kurt and Blaine start a new chapter in their lives, her heart beat with excitement, knowing her own new chapter was just around the corner.

* * *

"Look out for her Coop, okay?" Blaine looked back into Rachel's room, Kurt sorting her clothes into an "LA Chic" bag and an "absolutely not" bag. "I know she thinks that she's tough and she can do all this on her own, but it's a big city. Totally different from Ohio or even New York. She's gonna need someone she can trust."

"You know you can count on me Squirt," Cooper promised. "I found her that amazing deal in Los Feliz didn't I? Just took a little finagling, if you know what I mean, with the Subletter."

Blaine rolled his eyes. He really wished he didn't know what Cooper meant and he wished even more that those images were not now trying to fight their way to the forefront of his mind. "Well she appreciates it I know. And she appreciates even more that you'll be so close."

"Of course she does," Cooper said suggestively.

Blaine closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. Sometimes his brother was insufferable. "Whatever you're thinking she is off limits. Got it? O.F.F off limits."

"Woah, little brother, who do you think I am?" Cooper sounded deeply offended and Blaine almost felt bad. "I am nothing but a perfect gentleman and I would never go after your fiancé's girl. That would just be wrong."

"Okay, I'm sorry," he apologized. "Thank you. For all you've done."

"You just come out and visit her soon, okay?" Cooper said. "You and Kurt. I miss you guys."

Blaine couldn't help but smile. "We miss you too. I'll talk to you soon okay?"

"You better," Cooper warned and Blaine laughed. "Bye Squirt."

"Bye Coop."

* * *

"Finally, finally alone," Kurt said, pulling a champagne bottle he'd been saving for a special occasion from the cabinet next to the fridge. "No one around, not even the chance of being walked in on…" he turned to Blaine with a grin that immediately fell. Blaine had his arms wrapped around himself staring out the window onto the streets below. The lights from the blinking neon signs lit his form, on and off, on and off, but Blaine made no move. Walking toward him he left the bottle on the coffee table and wrapped his fiancé up in his arms. "What's the matter?" he asked gently.

"Everybody leaves," Blaine said. His voice was wistful and with a little urging he turned around in Kurt's arms, leaning his head back against the window. Tears shined in his eyes. "Cooper and Rachel in California, Nick in Boston, Santana and Brittany in Reno, Tina in Rhode Island and now Sam, going back to Lima. It's like I choose to love someone and they just walk out of my life. Gone."

Kurt's hands flew to his hips. "They are _not_ gone, Blaine," he said sternly. "They are in your phone, they're on the computer and they will be by your side the minute you need them. If this year has taught us nothing else it's taught us that when we truly need each other we are all there. Every single one of us."

Blaine nodded, knowing Kurt was right. "I just worry-"

"Now you listen to me Blaine Anderson," Kurt interrupted, knowing exactly where this was headed and held his hand up to Blaine's face. "Do you see this ring?" Blaine nodded. "It means forever."

"It can come off," Blaine pointed out.

Kurt lowered his head and heaved a sigh. "I know it's not easy for you to trust. I get it Blaine, I really do. But you need to realize that your father _never_ stopped loving you, he _never_ truly left you and neither will I." Blaine took a deep breath, letting that truth settle in his heart. "Save your wishes Blaine for things like Broadway or record deals. Because you don't need to waste them on me, I am not going anywhere. No matter what you do. And if the only way to get you to trust that is to wake up every morning and go to bed every night for the rest of our lives reminding you of that then I am more than prepared to do that, though I admit that I will run out of clever ways of doing so," Kurt said.

Blaine laughed wetly, then bit his lip. "Trust is a choice," he repeated quietly.

Over and over again Blaine always tried. And so Kurt always would too. "Trust is a choice," he nodded. "So make it. Trust that I love you. And for the first time ever we have our own apartment, completely to ourselves and I don't want to waste another moment of it."

"Okay," Blaine smiled.

Kurt smiled back. "Okay." He went back to the kitchen for two glasses and brought them to the coffee table while Blaine curled himself up on the couch. "Now how about we pop this champagne, watch a little Moulin Rouge, sing a little _Come What May_ and make a little love?"

"That sounds perfect Kurt," Blaine agreed, his face brightening already. Kurt went to get the DVD while Blaine popped the champagne cork and poured their glasses.

"You know there were a few days after Schue's wedding last year that I was snowed in here with Rachel, Santana and Adam?" Kurt slipped the DVD into the player then joined Blaine on the couch. "We watched Moulin Rouge, and when _Come What May_ came on, all I could think about was you and me."

Blaine didn't share that Santana had texted him that night, he only gathered Kurt in his arms, remembering what he'd told Kurt: _Take your time. I'll be here when you're ready._

"It's always been you Blaine," Kurt said softly. "From the very first moment I saw you. I've loved you when you were confident, and when you were insecure. I've loved you when you were scared, and when you had more courage than anyone I'd ever met before. I've loved you when you were hurting, and when you've hurt me. I've loved you when you protected me, and when you've needed my protection."

"Kurt," Blaine whispered.

Kurt sat up and turned to look at him, their eyes meeting like that first day on the stairs and like every day on every stair as they climbed through life together. "There is not a single thing you've ever done that has made me stop loving you. And there will never be a single thing you could do. I love _all_ of you," Kurt promised. "And I never give up on anything I love."

"Come what may?" Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded and picked up the champagne glasses, handing one to Blaine. "Come what may."

They clinked glasses, took a sip and laid back down. Kurt started the movie, snuggling into Blaine's chest. Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's head then rested his own against him.

He truly did love all of Kurt, with all his heart. And today, he trusted that Kurt loved him. And he would do whatever he had to in order to trust that for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look at naive little me and my hopes for season 6.


	6. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! Welcome back, it's season 6, and Blaine is spreading his wings far wider than any of us would have ever imagined! I am ridiculously excited.
> 
> I am sure there is much in this chapter I missed or haven't addressed and please feel free to let me know what that is. There are always chances in future chapters. But this is where my brain went and where it stopped and I think I shall settle it here. I hope you approve. Oh, and the Glee timeline doesn't make sense and I could find absolutely no way to fix it, so apologies there. It should be about January/February. It's probably early October.
> 
> I have been told you need a tissue warning. I certainly did writing it.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: References to cutting, depression, suicidal ideation

Blaine got off the plane, his bags in tow. Some of his things he'd shipped ahead. Others he had left behind. He didn't need the memories of Kurt anyway and if they simply left reminders of him behind, well, it served Kurt right. Blaine wasn't the one who had given up on them and he'd gone through enough pain already. Home was a fresh start.

If the Colonel would grant him that right.

He pulled his bags behind him, looking for his mother's car in the airport pick up lane. She was standing beside the black sedan, her face drawn, eyes tired. Blaine didn't need to be told anything.

"How mad is he?" Blaine asked.

She opened the trunk and he put his bags inside. Then she gathered her youngest son in her arms. "Come on," she said, kissing his temple. "We'll talk on the ride home."

* * *

_He's not mad he's disappointed_ , she had said and as he stood at the front door he remembered another time when disappointment would have been a blessing.

_Your education is important to him Blaine, it always has been. It's always been his hot button issue, you know that._ Blaine did know that. He knew that it was less than a year ago that his father had scolded him enough over the phone that it had almost sent him into a tailspin that only Kurt…

No. He couldn't think of Kurt. Not now. Not ever. That part of his life was over. And this part of his life…

He opened the door. The house was quiet, his father was nowhere to be seen and Blaine took his bags up to his room. The room that only a few months ago he'd believed he'd never return to, not to live, only to visit, with the husband he…

Finishing thoughts and sentences had never been this hard.

"Blaine."

He startled at the voice, deep and stern as ever in the doorway of his room and he turned on his heel as if ordered to attention. In a way Blaine was grateful. It grounded him. Even if everything else changed, some things would always stay the same.

"Hi dad." His voice broke. This wasn't how he wanted to come home. This wasn't how he wanted anything.

"You'll get a job. Pay rent. Earn your keep," the Colonel said and the words would have sat heavy on Blaine's chest if there had been room for anything above his grief.

"Yes sir," he answered.

"Blaine," he said and something flickered in his father's eyes, like a memory. "There are things more important than grades," he said.

Kurt. After Kurt had been attacked his father had told him that there were things more important than grades. But he didn't have Kurt anymore. NYADA had been all he'd had left.

Tears started falling as Blaine stood there, tears that he'd kept in because he'd been so busy crying for Kurt he had forgotten this part of his failure. "I promised I'd make you proud," he sobbed, standing at the foot of his bed. "When you put me on the plane to NYADA, I promised I would make you proud and now…"

The Colonel closed the gap between them and pulled Blaine into his arms. "I told you then son that you already had, and this doesn't change that." Blaine had always had such high expectations for himself but the Colonel knew better than anyone that a person's mistakes didn't make the man. How you came back from them did. "I am always proud of you."

* * *

_Blaine wished he had somewhere else to go, anywhere else to go, except he had fucking moved in with Kurt and everyone else had left the city and he had been right. Everyone he chose to love just walked out of his life. He was alone. There was no one and nowhere to go and he went back to the loft, not even able to pack his things because he still had fucking class in the morning and he would have slept on a park bench that night if it wasn't still fucking pouring outside._

_"Blaine," Kurt called behind him and Kurt was the absolute last person in the world he wanted to see right then. Kurt had other friends, other places he could go. Blaine had no one because he'd poured his entire fucking life into…_

_"Blaine," Kurt said again behind him, and he turned, hoping he could disguise the tears on his face as rain. "I just…" Kurt paused and Blaine hated that every bone in his body just wanted to wrap him up and take away the obvious pain in his eyes. "I don't want to end this way."_

_And then that instinct thankfully slipped away. "You know what Kurt?" If Kurt hadn't wanted it to end this way then he shouldn't have ended it at all. "You're the worst type of bully. You're the kind of bully that makes you think you're perfectly safe. That asks you for your trust and as soon as you give it, as soon as you let your guard down, they shoot you in the back."_

_Kurt looked as if Blaine had smacked him. If Blaine had been a different person, he would have. "I'll get my things," Kurt said quietly. "He'll kill me I'm sure, but I can stay with Elliott for a bit while you…while we…figure things out."_

_Blaine didn't say anything. He just stood there as Kurt grabbed a suitcase and some clothes and packed his belongings to walk out of Blaine's life. Kurt pulled his bag to the door, then turned back. He slipped the ring off his finger and held it out. "This…this belongs to you."_

_Blaine stared at it. Before his eyes flashed a staircase and confetti and a day filled with lies. "Keep it," Blaine snapped. "I don't want it anymore."_

* * *

_It was dark. It was dark and he was curled up and his pillow had long since dried as had the tears that stopped falling weeks ago. Somewhere in Blaine's brain he knew that he was supposed to be in class but he had long since stopped the farce of trying to step outside the loft much less getting himself across the city and risk seeing Kurt in the NYADA hallways._

_The phone vibrated. The phone always vibrated; texts from his parents or Sam or Nick or Santana, people who cared but didn't matter because he wasn't worth loving and it was better to put them out of their misery now than subject them to his exhausting nature. Besides, the more he relied on them the more it would hurt when they inevitably walked away._

* * *

_"Oh for the love of god, get your filthy ass out of bed."_

_It had taken two weeks of unanswered texts for Santana to decide to take matters into her own hands. She kissed Brittany goodbye, got on a plane and flew to New York to beat the crap out of her best friend._

_He was in worse shape than she'd even imagined. The whole apartment was. Dishes and three quarters full take out containers were everywhere, it reeked of old food and sweat and she didn't even want to think what else, and she was pretty sure that Blaine hadn't seen sunlight for an entire month._

_She'd been afraid to even pull back the covers, but Santana had never been known for her squeamishness. Still, it had been two years since she'd seen fetal position Blaine and she had absolutely no patience for it. "What the fuck Boyfriend," she groaned._

_"Leave me alone Santana," Blaine mumbled and he pulled the covers back over his head._

_She stomped out of the bedroom, opened the blinds and the windows to let in some much needed fresh air and went to the kitchen. Finding a clean glass was the hard part and Blaine was lucky because it let the water warm up before she filled it, carried it over to his bedroom, and dumped it unceremoniously over his head._

_"Jesus Christ Santana!" Blaine yelled, nearly falling out of bed with the shock. He threw his disgusting pillow at Santana, which she thankfully dodged. "Get out."_

_"No, you get out. Out of bed. When was the last time you had a shower Blaine, you stink like month old garbage left behind the China Buffet. How much takeout have you ordered?"_

_"I don't know," he said, and he tried to pull the covers back over himself but she grabbed them and stripped them off the bed._

_"When was the last time you cleaned anything Blaine? How about class, have you even gone to class?"_

_"I don't know Santana!" he yelled and he sat up. His hair was a disaster. His face was nearly unrecognizable. And for the first time, Santana began to really worry. "I don't know and I don't care. Don't you get it Santana? None of it matters anymore!"_

_"All of it matters Blaine." She knelt down to him and took his hands in hers. He flinched at her touch and she wondered how long it had been since anyone had touched him. She was pretty sure she knew. "You can't stay here," she told him softly._

_He looked at her. He looked at her and his eyes were wild, lost, clouded with the fear and the self-hate that she'd almost forgotten could exist in them. He shrugged slightly, and he looked ten years old. "Where am I supposed to go?" he choked._

_"Home Blaine," she said gently. "You need to go home."_

_Blaine shook his head. "I've failed out of NYADA Santana. No one has said it, but I haven't responded to any emails from my professors and I haven't been to any classes in over a month. I can't go home, my father will kill me. It's not safe."_

_"It's safer for you at home than lying here not eating or showering, staring at scissors on the dresser wondering if you should cut deep enough for the pain to go away or just enough to actually feel something again." Blaine's cheeks flushed as his eyes flashed to Kurt's shearing scissors that laid out on the dresser. She carefully ran her hands up and down his arms and he allowed it. He hadn't done anything. But thoughts were sometimes even more dangerous. "You should not be alone right now. You need your mom and your dad and Sam and Burt, yes Burt," Santana said as his eyes went wide as saucers. "He's always been there for you and he always will be no matter how much of a fucking moron his son is. Now come on," she said, pulling him up. "The first thing you're going to do is shower while I change these foul man-sweat stained sheets, and then we are going to NYADA so you can leave with a little bit of dignity still intact, and then together we are going to call your parents and make arrangements for you to go home."_

_"Home," Blaine muttered. "I don't even know where that is anymore."_

_"Welcome to young adulthood Blaine," she said wryly. "I assure you, none of us do."_

* * *

"It feels hard to even move sometimes," Blaine told his therapist, her office little changed since he'd last been there more than a year ago. "Like sucking in a breath and letting it go takes a ridiculous amount of concentration."

"At least you're tuned in enough to realize that," she said. "That's better than in New York. Right?"

"Yeah," he admitted. Going back to his therapist had been the easiest thing he'd done so far since everything had happened. It seemed natural, almost as if she was this routine in his life that he had somehow lost. He wondered if he'd found someone in New York if he'd be here right now or if he'd still be picking out invitations and floral arrangements. "It's better. It's not just not being where... _he_ … belonged. But also not having the guilt of knowing I should be in school and I wasn't. Plus it's somewhat reassuring, being back to the order and routine of my father."

"There is a certain peace that comes with knowing that someone's keeping an eye on you," his therapist acknowledged. "Accountability."

Blaine chuckled. "In a drill sergeant peaceful kinda way," he smirked.

She smiled. "Well, what's the drill sergeant barking at now?"

"Still the job." Blaine sat back in the leather seat, staring at the ceiling. "But how am I supposed to work if it takes everything I have to even get out of bed some days?"

"It's hard to get out of bed if you don't have a reason to," she pointed out. "Your father probably knows that. Maybe better than you think?"

"Maybe," Blaine said, his gaze drifting down to his fingers. It was hard, thinking of his father as depressed. But all those months without him and his Mom, them both walking out on him. He and his dad were far more alike than he cared to admit sometimes and he began to realize that maybe his father knew exactly what he was going through. "What am I supposed to do though?"

"How are things going with your music?" she asked. He ran his hands through his hair. She chuckled. "That good, huh?"

"I can't even seem to touch the keyboard. I just…I've always been able to do that you know? Sing how I feel? But now…" He dropped his hands and shrugged his shoulders. "Who am I gonna sing to?"

She smiled softly. "Maybe you can find the answer to all your questions in the same place. The reason to get up, the job, the audience?"

"I've thought about working at the music store, or teaching piano or voice but the idea of drumming up customers seems so daunting. Nick told me that the Warblers are looking for a faculty advisor but," Blaine scoffed and shook his head. "Going back to Dalton is out of the question."

"Why?"

He looked back at her. "Why is it out of the question?" The answer seemed obvious to him, but she nodded and maybe she just wanted him to say it out loud. "It's where we met, where we first kissed, where I proposed. Nearly every inch of Dalton is a reminder of him. How could I possibly go there every day?"

"Maybe it's exactly where you need to be," she said. "You've always run from your memories Blaine, when they hurt too much. But maybe it's time to face them." She leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze when his eyes dropped to his hands. "What if instead of focusing on the pain of it, what if it helped you to remember the good times instead?" He looked at her. He listened. "Hanging on to anger only keeps us frozen in that bad place. Maybe being at Dalton every day, remembering the good, maybe it'll help you let go of him. Change is scary. But you felt safe at Dalton before Kurt. Maybe you can feel safe there now."

Blaine nodded slightly. At this point he was willing to give almost anything a shot. "I'll go this week. I'll talk to them. I'll see…" he took a breath. It was shaky, but it was full. "I'll see how it feels."

* * *

It felt hard. It felt like possibly the hardest thing he'd ever done and yet there was success in just the doing it. There were places he avoided. The staircase especially. The room where they first kissed. But he faced down other rooms, other stairwells, other kisses, on the way to the Headmaster's office.

"Ah, Mr. Anderson, come in," the Headmaster grinned as he knocked on the door.

"Hello sir, it's nice to see you," Blaine said with a smile, putting on the Dalton mask. It almost scared him how easily it still fit. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

"Not at all. When we put out the call for a faculty advisor for the Warblers we never expected you to respond. We didn't even know you were back in town," the Headmaster said, returning to his seat.

Blaine sat down in the high leatherback chair meant for wayward students and consulting faculty. "Well, I decided to take a break from NYADA," he lied smoothly. "New York is not Ohio."

"No I'm sure it's not." The man swiveled in his chair, picking up a pen between his fingers. "So let's get down to business. I'm sure you know the reason for the advisor. The Warblers haven't done well since you left them and they've struggled with maintaining the propriety this institution requires without the proper guidance. We had been intending a licensed teacher to take the position, but you know and understand the Warblers better than anyone. We couldn't ask for a better mentor. If you want the job."

Ohio was not New York. New York was where he had to fight and claw and still nothing he hoped for would ever work out. Ohio was where the world was handed to him on a silver platter. Ohio was where he belonged. Dalton was where he had always belonged. If he could return the Warblers to their former glory, maybe he could find his own again.

"When do I start?" he asked.

* * *

Over the summer months Kurt had learned he was wrong about one thing. Loving Blaine was easy. Living with him was an entirely different story. He'd made promises to remind Blaine every morning and every night that he would always love him, would never leave him, but it had started to feel like he was reminding himself instead.

And then it rained.

And then he was alone.

And it was still raining.

He looked around at the street outside Blaine's old apartment, his umbrella in hand. His friends weren't there where they'd promised to be 6 months earlier, but other people were, going about their day as if the world hadn't stopped turning two months ago. He usually didn't allow himself to feel it. He'd jammed with Elliott and aced his classes and he'd just kept moving because no matter how bad the world around him got that's what Kurt Hummel had always done and would always do.

Though his therapist was starting to make him see that maybe what he'd always done wasn't working all that well for him.

Blaine had left the city a month ago. He knew that. Santana had come by to scream and yell and though much of it had been in Spanish and he had no idea what she'd said, he'd gotten the general idea. Kurt had destroyed him. In one brief horrible mistake of a moment, Kurt had destroyed _them_.

And it was still raining.

It was almost as if it had never stopped.

His tears certainly hadn't, not once he had gotten over the anger and realized with every man who sat across from him that they were not the right one. That there would never be another right one. He'd broken the heart of the love of his life and there was absolutely no way to ever get him back.

Unless there was.

He filled out the proper paperwork at NYADA and he subletted the loft and he packed his bags with only one goal in mind.

He would make it stop raining.

He would get Blaine back.

* * *

Blaine was in his office at Dalton. It was nice having an office. It made him feel adult. Alive. It made him feel like just maybe he could handle more than he thought he could. He'd had no idea how much paperwork being a faculty advisor required but even that didn't bother him. He was used to doing paperwork after spending hours in his father's recruiting office and in a way it was soothing, hypnotizing. He was just about finished with his third sheet when he heard a knock at the door. He looked up. And then he stood up.

"Burt. Sir." His eyes went wide with surprise. And worry.

"I called your Dad," Burt said, taking some steps inside with his hands inside his pockets. "I didn't think you'd come to me so…"

"You didn't have to drive all this way," Blaine stammered.

Burt though knew otherwise. "Yeah I did kid." Blaine lowered his eyes. He wasn't Burt's kid. He wasn't anything to Burt anymore. "Do you remember the first time we met? I don't mean when you were in my kid's bed with a hangover, I mean when you came to the shop. And you had just about the most embarrassing conversation any kid could have with a grown up. But you did it because you cared about my son so much that you put everything else aside for him."

Blaine nodded. He remembered. It seemed a lifetime ago.

"You had wanted to tell me about your Dad that day. Didn't you?"

Blaine looked up at him. "Yes sir."

"Because you thought you could trust me?" he asked.

Blaine nodded again. "Yes sir. And after that all I ever wanted was to earn your respect. The respect I couldn't get from him."

Burt closed the distance between him and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "None of that had to do with Kurt. That was you and me. You have earned my respect Kid. And you can still trust me."

Blaine looked away, blinking back the tears that came to his eyes. "I just thought-"

"I have told you before Blaine. Whatever happens between you and my son, I am always here for you if you need me."

Blaine looked at Burt. The man stared back with absolute sincerity. "Thank you sir."

Burt nodded and stepped back, that kind of retreat that said he'd done what he'd come to do. He turned to go, but then he quickly turned back. "You know, Rachel's back in town. She could probably use a friend." He raised a knowing brow. "Maybe someone who understands a little of what she's going through?"

Blaine pursed his lips. "I'll give her a call."

"Good. I'm glad you will. Stop by the garage or the house when you're in town," Burt said. "Don't be a stranger."

"I won't," Blaine smiled and he took a deeper breath than he had since he'd come home. "Thank you Burt."

"Anytime kid."

* * *

"Did you mean it?"

As Kurt looked around the therapist's office, bright and warm, he asked himself again the question he'd been asking for a while now. Had he really meant it when he'd told Blaine they shouldn't get married? And he knew the truth. "In the moment, yes. In the next moment?" Kurt shook his head.

"Men often fight to stay connected," his therapist said, leaning back in his chair. "You said that you'd been feeling distant."

"Blaine didn't fight like that though," Kurt said. "It tore him up. He grew up in a house where fighting meant horrible things happened."

"You've fought your entire life too, you've told me." The therapist raised a brow. "Only it brought you strength and power and freedom. Every fight for you was a victory. A step forward. You still anticipate that. But Blaine still anticipates pain and loss."

Kurt looked away. His chest twisted with guilt. "I used to tell him he shouldn't be afraid to fight with me, but maybe he was right. Maybe I am a bully. Maybe I don't fight any more fair than his father did."

"So what does Blaine do? Instead of fight?"

"He runs," Kurt frowned. "Usually to another guy."

"So, you fight to find intimacy, but the fighting scares him. So he runs and seeks that intimacy somewhere else? Somewhere safer?"

Kurt shook his head. "Somewhere else, yes. Somewhere safer?" Kurt thought about it. Sebastian, Eli, adult websites. "No. Not safer."

"Somewhere more familiar then?"

Kurt lowered his eyes. "Yeah. I guess. The idea of him being with someone else though…it tears my heart out."

"Even now?"

"Even now. Especially now," Kurt realized, his eyes tearing. "Because I feel like I've lost him forever."

"Could you tell him how you feel? That you think you made a mistake?"

Kurt shrugged. The memory of Blaine's face in the restaurant haunted him. "To be honest, I don't even know why I did it."

His therapist nodded. "Then that's our first step. To figure out why."

Kurt sighed. He had a feeling that was going to be far easier said than done.

* * *

"I'm sorry Boyfriend, we must have a bad connection, because I thought you just said you were dating David Karofsky."

"I…" Blaine got up to close the bedroom door before his parents accidentally overheard Santana screaming at him over the phone. "I am. I did. I mean, yes. David asked if I'd go out with him, and I said yes."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Santana screeched and he pulled the phone away from his ear. "That's it, isn't it? You have actually lost your ever-loving mind and I need to lock you up."

Blaine laughed uncomfortably. "Don't you think that's going a little far Santana? I mean, you dated him."

"Okay, first of all? All the more reason you shouldn't, that's just disgusting. And second of all? I never dated him Blaine. I pretended to date him." Santana paused. "Is that what this is? Are you pretending to date Karofsky to get Kurt back? It could work-"

"No Santana, no," Blaine said, stopping her dead in her tracks. "David and I are really dating."

Santana didn't respond. Blaine pursed his lips and looked around trying to find a way out of this conversation. But Santana could be relentless when he tried to bail.

"I don't understand," she finally said quietly.

"Well," he tried to explain. "We met at Scandals and we got to talking-"

"No, Blaine, I mean I Don't. Understand," she said sharply. "He's changed since high school, I get it, I changed him-"

Blaine rolled his eyes. "You didn't change him-"

"But it doesn't change everything he did then Blaine, everything he means. You were furious when he went after Kurt that Valentine's Day-"

"Santana-"

"When he called Kurt when he was in the hospital-"

"Santana-"

"How the hell do you trust him Blaine? He attacked you! He attacked you and he beat the crap out of the person you love, for years he tormented and terrorized-"

"So did my father!"

The silence on the line was deafening. Blaine took a deep breath. "Santana-"

"It's not the same thing," she said, her voice low and even.

"It's not that different," Blaine argued. "Do you know what I expected when I came home Santana? I expected yelling and name-calling. I expected to maybe not be allowed back. Maybe part of me even expected he'd hit me, but you know what he did Santana? He hugged me. He hugged me and he told me he was proud of me."

"It's not the same thing," Santana repeated, keeping every emotion she felt out of her voice.

"Kurt has asked me to forgive Dave numerous times. I was so caught up in the pain that Dave caused him that I couldn't let go, but Dave and I got to talking and he was helping me let go of Kurt and I realized that if my father could change so much, if I could forgive him…" Santana still didn't say anything and Blaine sighed. "I'm dating him, Santana. And if you can't support me…"

"What are you going to do when Kurt finds out?" she asked. "You really think he's going to be okay with this?"

Blaine closed his eyes. "I can't care whether he's okay with it or not. He broke up with me Santana. He's moved on with his life. All I've done is move on with mine."

"And you're okay with that?" she asked.

Blaine fought the tears. Of course he wasn't okay with it. "What else am I supposed to do?" he said.

* * *

Sam caught up with Blaine at the Lima Bean just as he was waving goodbye to Rachel and about to get in his car. "Hey," he called, walking up.

"Hey," Blaine smiled. "What's up?"

"So…umm….I don't want to sound jealous here, but…what's with you and Rachel being all besties now?" He squinted in the sun as her car drove away.

"Are you jealous Sam?" Blaine smiled fondly. "That's so cute."

"Well, it's just that you've been spending a lot of time with _you know who-_ "

"Dave," Blaine said with an air.

Sam shushed him. "Don't say his name dude, what are you like Harry Potter?" Blaine rolled his eyes. He knew that it wouldn't be easy for everyone to understand but Sam was being ridiculous. "And now you've like, taken Rachel under your wing."

"She needs me Sam," Blaine explained. "You've got everything together. You're happy, you're where you want to be, doing what you want to do. But Rachel? She's lost everything. She's adrift. I know how that feels."

"And you need to be needed," Sam said. Blaine lowered his eyes, but said nothing. "Okay, dude, I get it. But you're my best friend and I need you too. Friday night. My place. All night video game marathon session."

Blaine laughed. "Friday is date night. Make it Saturday and you're on."

Sam stuck his hand out and with another roll of his eyes, Blaine shook it. "Deal."

* * *

"Yeah, okay sure," Blaine hedged, willing his heart to stop racing. "Let me just talk to Dave and I'll text you the details." He hung up the phone and dropped it in his lap.

"What was that?" Dave asked, sitting next to him on the couch, draping an arm around his shoulder.

But Blaine bounced immediately out of his seat. "That was Rachel," he said, pacing the floor. "She says Kurt's back in Lima and he wants to see me."

"Oh." Dave sat up, trying to get a read on Blaine but he couldn't. "How do you feel about that?"

"How am I supposed to feel about that?" Blaine asked. He turned back to Dave, but the world suddenly looked a little different and it was disconcerting. "Of course I want to see him, but should I? I mean, would that be a good thing for me?" He'd finally moved on, he really didn't want to go backwards. What if it hurt so much he went backwards? "And then there's you and me. I don't think there's any way to soften this…"

"But he can't find out from someone else Blaine," Dave said, standing up. He gently rubbed Blaine's shoulders, and Blaine looked up at him. "We need to tell him. In person."

"We?"

"If you want me there, I mean," Dave corrected quickly. "I could understand if you want to go alone."

Blaine dropped his head and shook it. "I honestly have no idea what I want."

Dave gave a sigh. "Look, you meet in a neutral location. Like Scandals. Noise, Distractions." Blaine didn't say anything and Dave frowned. "Are you scared you'll want to go back to him?" he asked quietly.

Blaine looked up at Dave. He looked so worried and Blaine hated that he'd put that worry there. Dave had really been there for him since he'd come home. Helped him let go of the anger and bitterness. The feelings he was having right now weren't fair to Dave and he put them away. "He probably just wants to tell me he's move on. Seeing someone, same as me. Probably Elliott," he laughed wryly but he wasn't sure it sounded such a horrible thing. "And then it will be good. We'll be in the same place and we can both just keep moving forward." Blaine smiled, the tension in his shoulders relaxing. "Just like everyone says. So it's all good."

Dave took his hand and led him back to the couch, gathering him in his arms. "All good," he said.

* * *

"Santana Lopez!"

Santana looked up from where she was chatting in the auditorium with Quinn and Britt to find Kurt, eyes blazing, hands on his hips. She didn't have to be told what his problem was. "Excuse me ladies." She got up and before he could say a word, she grabbed his hand and pulled him someplace quiet backstage. "Kurt, it wasn't my place to tell you," she said.

Kurt had absolutely no intention of accepting that ridiculous excuse. "What, you can come over to the place I'm staying, scream at me in front of Elliott for destroying Blaine's life, but you sit here for days knowing he's dating Dave Karofsky and _then_ you're quiet!"

"What exactly would telling you have done lady lips?"

Kurt gaped at her. "I could have been prepared! I could have not gone at all!"

Santana folded her arms across her chest. "It needed to happen the way it happened. Honestly, I'm not really that sorry if it hurt you."

Kurt turned away, his fury too strong, but then he turned back, challenging. "And you support this? Him dating Karofsky?"

"I support him moving on," she answered carefully. "I support him trying to find happiness where he can."

"But do you support him dating Karofsky?" Kurt insisted. "Come on Santana, you and I have the biggest history with him, you cannot be okay with this!"

"Blaine told me you asked him to forgive Dave," Santana said.

Kurt blinked. "Forgiving is a far cry from dating Santana."

"Come on Kurt," she said. "You know Blaine better than anyone. He has always been all or nothing. Did it ever occur to you that maybe in some strange way in his trauma-addled brain that maybe he's really just doing this for you?"

Something triggered in Kurt's memory. Something his therapist had said. _Somewhere more familiar then?_

And it made it make sense.

"He's not doing this for me Santana," Kurt said quietly. "He's doing this because of me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your thoughts about this story mean the world to me, and I LOVE hearing them. Please don't complain about RIB's storyline though. Whether it works for you and the canon characters, it works amazingly well for the Ready to Fly verse, so I'm happy. Don't rain on my selfish parade. :-)


	7. Jagged Little Tapestry

"Hello. I would like to introduce myself. My name is Cooper Anderson. About 20 years ago you were born and I was informed that I was your older brother. Now maybe my intel was incorrect, but Mom assures me that it wasn't."

"I'm not so sure," Blaine muttered into the phone. He settled back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He knew this could go on for a long time. He knew it was long overdue.

"I'm not so sure either because I haven't heard from you in forever-"

"Calm down Cooper," Blaine sighed.

"And now I am informed you are dating a so-called bear…" Blaine's eyes went wide, and he snapped back up. "…which makes no sense at all to me because I've never in my life heard you interested in-"

"It's not like I've talked to you about the guys I've liked before, there's really only been one and who the heck are you hearing this from anyway?" he asked sharply. "Santana? Kurt?"

"My sources are to remain anonymous."

"Coop you are ridiculous." He got out of the bed, unable to sit still.

"Less ridiculous than you dating Dave Karofsky," Cooper pointed out.

Adopted. That was the only explanation, Cooper had been adopted for the sole purpose of tormenting him and they'd kept it a secret all these years.

"I am not having this conversation," Blaine declared, pacing back and forth. He willed his parents to come up any minute and ask him to do something. Or Santana could beep in. Cooper had to let him off the phone rather than face the wrath of Santana.

"Less ridiculous than you blaming your ex-fiance for stealing a glee club girl who made a choice to sing where she feels welcome rather than where she has to fight."

"Fighting isn't always a bad thing Coop," Blaine said.

"Something you've learned in therapy?" Cooper retorted.

"I hate you." Blaine wondered for a moment if he threw the phone out the window would Cooper land on his head back in LA. "With a passion."

"Not as passionately as you love Kurt." Blaine's breath hitched. He froze in the center of his room. "Okay, maybe that went a little far."

"Maybe?" Blaine bowed his head, letting his temper calm in the silence.

"You care about Dave?" Cooper asked with sincerity.

"He's a nice guy," Blaine said.

"I asked if you care about him." 

Blaine didn't want to think about what Dave meant to him and he certainly didn't want to discuss it with his brother. "We're dating Cooper. We're not getting married. Believe me, that ship has sailed."

"Maybe not as far as you think."

Blaine's stomach tightened. "Don't."

"Blaine he still-"

"I said don't," Blaine yelled. "I can't. It's too late. Even if I wasn't dating anyone. I can't trust him anymore Coop. I can't live in fear anymore that everything I say and everything I do is the wrong thing. I can't walk on eggshells anymore. I've done it too long." Blaine let out a shaky breath. "I'm tired."

Cooper paused. "Okay Squirt," he said. "Just remember what I told you back in New York the last time. Real life beats fairy tales any day."

"Real life sucks, Coop."

"Yeah," Cooper said. "It does. Sometimes. Until it doesn't."

* * *

If Blaine had thought that leading the Warblers was rewarding, he learned quickly that coaching them was even more so. He was proud of them, in a way he'd never really been before, and he was proud of himself. He was _good_ at this. And it was nice to find something he was good at.

They'd rehearsed into the evening, Sectionals looming near, and he pulled up to his house after dark. This part was still strange. He thought coming home would be something he'd get used to, but even though he and his parents were getting along surprisingly well, it still felt wrong. So when Dave had suggested moving in with him instead, the idea had its appeal.

He opened the door, wanting nothing more really than to grab himself a snack and fall exhausted into bed. He didn't expect his father to be up or even more waiting for him, but there he was in the living room, watching television.

"Hey Dad," he greeted, throwing his bag down on the floor by the door. He took off his shoes and hung up his coat. "Sorry I couldn't make it home for dinner. Sectionals and all."

"It's no problem Blaine, your job comes first," the Colonel said and Blaine smiled softly. "How are things coming along?"

"They're pretty good," he said before disappearing into the kitchen. "The guys are coming along nicely," he yelled, fishing around in the fridge for the makings of a sandwich. "Song choice is the hardest though. We have so many great options. It would have been better with Jane, but well…" He trailed off. Things with Jane had just gotten messed up and he'd said things he regretted to Kurt and Rachel. And then Kurt had seen him with Dave at Homecoming…

He shook his head, finished making his sandwich and took a bite. He grabbed a soda from the fridge and brought it back out to the living room.

"Choosing the right song is important," John said, looking at Blaine. "A song can't be unsung."

Blaine glanced over and stopped chewing for a second, shrinking slightly at his father's pointed gaze. "We aren't talking about the Warblers," he said. He put his sandwich down and picked up his drink.

"I want to talk with you about Dave," the Colonel said.

Blaine swallowed. He instantly grew wary. "What about him?"

"Are you safe with him?"

Blaine scoffed. He put his soda down and shook his head. "Oh that's just rich," he said leaning back with an air of disbelief. And he wondered if it was Santana or Kurt who kept sticking their nose in where it didn't belong. Or maybe they were tag-teaming him. He wouldn't be surprised.

"Blaine," his father said calmly. "I am allowed to worry about your safety. You've been hurt too much for too long by too many people and I don't want you just falling into another relationship with someone who's going to hurt you."

"Dave's not going to hurt me Dad," he said. "He's done things in his past, yes, but you of all people should know not to judge him based on that. He understands me. He understands how much things can hurt and he's sweet to me. He cares about me. He makes me feel…"

The Colonel waited, but Blaine simply pursed his lips and averted his eyes. "Loved?" he guessed.

"Wanted," Blaine admitted quietly, his eyes falling to his hands. "He makes me feel wanted." John didn't say anything. Blaine took a breath and looked back up. "He asked me to move in with him."

"And you said…?"

"I said I had to think about it." But he'd thought about it now and he thought he knew what was right. "I think I should. I think it's something I have to do."

"You don't have to Blaine, your mother and I-"

"Don't need your 19 year old college drop out living with you." His father's expression made it clear that he didn't agree with Blaine's assessment of himself, but that didn't change anything. "I have to do this Dad. I don't know that I can explain why, but I know I have to."

"Your mother and I always want you," John told him. "You know that right?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah dad, I do."

John sighed. "When do you plan on going?"

"I don't know exactly," Blaine said. "Dave's gotten a new place and we need to buy some stuff. I need to pack. But soon."

"Okay." Whether he liked it or not, The Colonel would accept Blaine's choice. He got up, grabbed his glasses and his book next to him to head upstairs. "Don't be a stranger though okay? You and Dave should come over for dinner some time."

"Yeah, sure okay," Blaine said with a smile. "Thanks."

Blaine let out a breath. He felt that with the decision made a weight that had been there since Kurt had come home was lifted from him. He took another bite of his forgotten sandwich and picked up his phone. This was right. He knew it was.

**From Blaine to Dave: Yes.**

* * *

**From Santana to Blaine: I'm sending you Brittany as a house warming gift.**

_From Blaine to Santana: Um, gee Tana. She's not exactly our type._

**From Santana to Blaine: To decorate you idiot. God, I don't share easy, you'd think I'd get your gratitude not your sass.**

_From Blaine to Santana: You love my sAss. ;P_

_From Blaine to Santana: And thank you Tana. For your enormous generosity. I'll try to pretend I don't know she's there to spy._

**From Santana to Blaine: If she finds a box of sex toys I'm having her burn them.**

_From Blaine to Santana: Now see? Why would I ever be ungrateful?_

* * *

It was supposed to just be a quick trip to the music store. His dad was right, a song couldn't be unsung and Blaine had to make sure he had just the right one to knock the socks off the judges. Dave kept making him second guess everything, but he knew if he could just browse for a while he'd find the right piece.

When he'd heard Kurt's voice he didn't even think. Not at first. For just a moment he was back to best friends when everything was easy. But then it wasn't easy at all.

He couldn't help but wonder if this was how it was for Kurt the first time, knowing Blaine had wanted him back but not being able to trust him. He remembered that horrible day in the hallway at McKinley. It had been Kurt running then. Blaine wondered if he was the one running now.

As he sat in the Lima Bean with Dave he tried to concentrate on the conversation, but images kept flooding back. The coffee shop was full of reminders of the days when Kurt had loved him without fear or regret. When they'd risked everything to be together. Kurt had taught him what love really was, he was his safe place to fall and his escape. And he was Kurt's.

Looking up at the man smiling down at him so adoringly, he realized how strange it was that Dave had been the one to bring them together. Would he now be the one to keep them apart?

"Hey," Dave said, looking at his watch. "Should we go back to your house to keep packing or…"

Blaine was pulled out of his memories and he blinked his eyes clear. "I need to stop back at Dalton to drop this stuff off. I want to try out a few arrangements before tomorrow."

"Okay," Dave said with a smile. "Drop me at home and tomorrow we can finish packing while Brittany works her magic on the apartment."

Blaine laughed as they grabbed their things and headed out to the car. "Doesn't Brittany's magic scare you a little bit?"

"I try not to be so scared anymore," Dave said and Blaine knew it was things like that that made him care for Dave. Fear was a trap. "Nothing good comes of being scared."

Blaine didn't respond. He turned the music on and Dave listened to him sing on their way back to his house. _It's Too Late_ came on the radio and he felt a pang in his chest. Dave didn't join in and Blaine was grateful.

"See you tomorrow," Blaine said, leaning over the seat to give him a kiss before Dave got out of the car. He pulled away as Dave waved goodbye from his front doorstep.

Once back at Dalton, he didn't go to his office, instead he went straight to the piano, sheet music in his hand. He set it out when his phone vibrated and he picked it up, his Dad asking when he'd be home. He answered and went to put the phone down but before he knew it he was flipping through photos of Kurt. He landed on one, Kurt at Finn and Rachel's non-wedding. The day that Kurt had forgiven Dave. The day Kurt had asked him about kids. The day Blaine had said he had their future all planned out. It was funny how much had changed since that day, how the world had flipped upside down, and yet two things remained the same.

He still loved Kurt. And with or without him, he still believed he could fly.

* * *

"I even baked you rainbow cookies," Brittany said, pulling a baking sheet out of the oven.

Dave didn't hesitate to take a piping hot one from the tray and bite into it. "Oh my gosh," he said with his mouth full. "This is delicious."

Brittany beamed. "Okay as fun as this is, I've got lady kisses waiting at home for me and she's gonna want a full report."

"Thanks Britt," Dave said, hugging her sweetly. "The room looks amazing."

"I'll walk you out," Blaine said, a hand on the small of her back as he opened the door for her and walked her out to the car. "Thank you Britt. For your decorating of course, but also just for being here. Supporting me. Without you and Santana…"

"We love you Blaine," Brittany smiled. "No matter what. We just want you to be happy."

Blaine nodded appreciatively. "I am," he said and the words came out before he realized that in a lot of ways, they were true. "You know, I think for so long I was holding on to a memory. We both were. It's hard to let go. But sometimes you have to and you just have to move on." He smiled slightly and looked back at the door leading to his new apartment. "Wherever it leads."

Brittany shrugged. "Well who can't be happy in a house full of rainbows?" She grinned and Blaine laughed, pulling her in for a hug.

"Smartest girl in the world," he said, kissing her softly on her head. "Tell Santana thank you for me."

Brittany pulled away and winked. "Oh you know I will."

Blaine shook his head fondly, opened the car door for her and watched her drive away. He turned back to the new place he'd call home. He'd always put so much stock in that word – home. But this was his seventh move since he'd walked out of the place he'd grown up, hand-in-hand with Kurt. And even though some of those moves had been back and forth and back again, this was really the first time he felt that he was moving out on his own. In a lot of ways it was the scariest move he had made. But nothing good comes of being scared Dave had said. And Blaine believed he was absolutely right.

* * *

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of your company," Blaine asked, grinning as he brought Santana over to Dalton's finest coffee. Her visit had been unexpected but certainly not unwanted. He missed her, seeing her. Talking on the phone or texting just wasn't the same.

She took the coffee from him and hesitated. She didn't know how he would take the news and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. "I asked Brittany to marry me," she said with a quiet delicateness so unlike her. "And she said yes."

"What!" His voice was high and excited and his smile reached all the way to his wide open eyes. "Santana that's amazing!"

Santana beamed and the tension disappeared from her shoulders, all the worry she'd had flowing out of her. "I just wanted you to hear it from me."

"Tell me everything," he said eagerly.

"Well, we were together the other night and I just…I just realized I never wanted to live without her." She blushed, her vulnerability rising to her cheeks. But Blaine was one of the only people she trusted with that. "So while Brittany was decorating your apartment I went out and bought a ring. And then this morning in Glee, we sang this mashup and then I proposed and she said yes."

"God Santana," Blaine breathed out. "That's incredible. I'm so happy for you."

"I'm glad you are," she said, taking a sip of her coffee. "I was worried you'd be as upset as Kurt." The words came out of her mouth before she could even think and she clamped her mouth shut as the smile faded from Blaine's lips.

"Kurt was upset?" he asked but he didn't even give her time to answer. "No of course he was," he muttered sadly.

"Don't you worry though, I ripped him a new one," she told him.

"Oh no Santana," Blaine said, leaning forward on the table. "You shouldn't have done that."

But Santana didn't need Blaine telling her what she should and shouldn't do. "Boy can't rip my best friend's heart to shreds and then get away with trying to destroy everyone else's happiness. Likes to climb on his high horse and tell us we're too young to get married but it's only because he's too afraid to admit that if it's not true for us then it hadn't really been true for him. Just because he's too stupid to hold onto the greatest thing that ever happened to him doesn't mean the rest of us are."

"Santana," Blaine said softly. He reached across the table and took her hand. "Kurt's your friend. You don't have to hate him for me or even be angry at him. I don't and I'm not. Not anymore."

"I just…" She looked down at their clasped hands and she squeezed them tight. "I just hate the way he hurt you."

"That doesn't mean you should hurt him back," Blaine said. He offered her a warm smile. "I love that you want to defend my honor but you don't have to. I'm a big boy."

"Wanky," she teased and they both let out a laugh. "Ok, you're right. I probably shouldn't have said the things I said."

"All that love you give to Britt and me? Spread it around a little bit," Blaine said. "The rest of the world deserves to see you like we do."

* * *

Kurt was standing backstage of the auditorium, arms folded, staring at the picture of Finn on the wall. Santana crossed the stage. "I thought Berry told you to go home."

"If you've come to tear me apart again-" he said bitterly.

"I haven't." She lowered her eyes. There were times when she came here too. Alone in the empty theater you could almost hear his voice. "Finn would tell you that you've never been afraid of getting married young," Santana said. "You're just afraid of getting married at all. Afraid of giving up even the tiniest bit of control to someone else."

_You've already won me over in spite of me_

"Do you think if he was here-"

"You'd still be a complete idiot?" Santana smiled at him, that warm smile that said that she was cruelest to the people she loved most. "Yeah. I do."

Kurt looked to her. Tears shined in his eyes. "Is he okay?" he asked softly. "Is he happy?" Santana just glanced away. If he wanted answers to those questions he could ask Blaine himself. The last thing they needed was a go between.

_Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

"I have never stopped loving him Santana," Kurt said and he wandered back on stage, sitting back down. The stools were still there and he just looked through them. "I remember everything. The moment we met, the moment we first kissed. How I felt at prom when Karofsky left me on the dance floor and Blaine held out his hand." Now they were the ones dancing and he was the one alone. "I remember every minute with his family, his dad and Cooper. Every fight. _I'm just so scared one day you're going to wake up and realize, I don't love him anymore_ he told me." Kurt wiped the tears from his cheeks where they fell in his heartbreak. "But there's never been a day Santana."

"I know," she said and she took his hand. "He knows."

"It was so easy in the beginning when we were just two kids. He was so easy to love." He looked up at Santana and she couldn't help but feel bad for him. "When did I become someone who gave up just because it wasn't easy anymore? I fought for solos and NYADA and for the right to walk down the street without being beaten up. I fought for me and I fought for him Santana. Why couldn't I fight for us?"

"Maybe because there wasn't really anything you needed to be fighting for anymore Kurt," Santana said. "Maybe the only thing you had to do was love him."

He did love him. He loved him more today than he ever had when it was easy. "Don't be stupid like me Santana," he told her. "Don't get scared and push her away. Don't ever take her for granted. What you and Brittany have? It's special."

She squeezed his hand and stood up. "You know what else Finn would say?" Santana said with a soft smile. "Don't stop believing."


	8. The Hurt Locker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Hello everyone! So sorry that this is finally being posted last minute but this was a really hard one to write. There was just so much going on emotionally in the elevator scene and parsing it out and painting the picture here was tough. I hope I did okay.
> 
> Just a quick warning, there is a fair amount of Blainofsky in the beginning. Nothing beyond PG but I know that some of you are sensitive to that. There's also a bunch of words written by Glee and not me. I don't own those.
> 
> The opening quote to the chapter is the opening quote to The Hurt Locker movie. I think the quote is obviously most relevant for Sue. But it works for Kurt too in the same way that I consider "Being Alive" his anthem for Blaine.

* * *

_"The rush of battle is a potent and often lethal addiction, for war is a drug."_

_~ The Hurt Locker / Chris Hedges_

* * *

"Alright Warblers, listen up," Blaine called and he walked around to the front of the room, perching himself on the edge of the council table. "We've been invited to McKinley High School for an invitational. The Warblers, the New Directions, and Vocal Adrenaline."

"And you accepted?" the Head Warbler asked from behind him.

Blaine turned and slipped his hands into his pockets. "Yes, I did. It will be good experience. For us, for New Directions-"

"You mean it will help your old show choir get a leg up," one of the other council members said. He rose to his feet, arms folded across his chest. "We all know the story. The great love story of Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel is as legendary in these halls as is your leading the Warblers. But the love story says that you abandoned Dalton for McKinley so you could be with Kurt. That you competed against the Warblers. That even when you had the chance to come back here, you gave it up for Kurt, even when you weren't together." The Warbler stared at Blaine with hard, narrow, accusing eyes, like he could see through his soul. "Like now."

"And now Kurt's leading the New Directions," a brunette tenor challenged from the couches. "So why should we believe this isn't all just a set up to get back in his good graces by blowing the invitational? By letting them win?"

Blaine tried to ignore the tug in his heart. "Guys, there aren't any judges and there won't be winners, it's just a friendly competition," he said.

"All the more reason for you to use us to get him back," the Head Warbler said. He came around the table to stand between the couches in the center of his team and turned back to Blaine. "How can we trust you?"

Blaine lowered his head. Everything they said was the truth, though certainly not the whole truth. Everything except one thing. "I didn't go to McKinley for Kurt. But you're right, I stayed there for him. Even after we broke up, yes, I stayed there for him. But I shouldn't have." It was something he'd been thinking about for a while now. Something he'd even talked to Dave and his counselor about. He had stayed at McKinley because there he thought he could become the person worthy of winning Kurt back. At the time it had been the right choice for him. But now he knew it hadn't been. There was nothing he could have done to make Kurt love him the way Blaine had needed him to. He looked back up at the boys. "Dalton is my birthright. I knew it then and coming back here again, I'm even more certain. It's where I've always belonged. It's where things go right for me. Which is how I know we'll win."

"But you still have friends there," the council secretary said. "Kurt is still there."

Blaine nodded. "Yes. I still have friends there. But our relationships are complicated right now." He looked at them, boys who reminded him so much of himself so long ago. When the world was so very black and white. Despite how difficult those years had been for him, he was envious of them. "I swear, my allegiance is to you. Not to New Directions and not to Kurt. The Warblers are my family. Dalton is my home."

* * *

"Did you mean it?" his therapist asked, a knowing smile on her face. "That the Warblers are your family? That Dalton is home?"

"I don't know," Blaine sighed, laying his head back to stare at the ceiling. "What is family? What is home? Those words hold so much power but I'm beginning to think that they're actually meaningless."

"With less meaning comes less power," she noted and he looked at her. "Easier to not think about it so much. Easier to put walls up. If it's not important."

"I don't have walls up," Blaine protested, but at the raise of the brow he sighed again. "Fine I have walls up. But doesn't everyone? Kurt always has, that was always one of our biggest problems," he said.

"So it's a problem to have walls?" she asked.

Blaine shook his head and rolled his eyes. He was having so much trouble today telling up from down and left from right. "It's not a problem. I mean it can be. I just…" He sat up and leaned forward, his eyes intent. "I've survived my father. I've survived two break ups with Kurt. Last time my guilt kept me tethered to him and then it smothered him until he left. This time though, it's a clean break. I didn't do anything. If Santana and Britt are getting married then certainly I wasn't wrong to think that we were old enough. So if you wanna call a clean break walls, then yeah, I guess they're up." He fell back into the chair. "I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"Stream of conscious is what therapy is for Blaine, you don't need to make sense."

With her words he went on as if he'd been granted permission. "Is Dave some great love affair of all time? No, probably not. But is he making me better right now? Yes, he is. Dalton too. I feel stronger than I have before. I feel like I don't have to let people tell me what to do. Sam can tell me a hundred times that since Kurt wants me back I should leave Dave and _go back where I belong,_ " he air quoted, "but I'm kind of done doing things to please other people. And that includes Kurt. Are those walls?"

"Sounds like self-confidence to me," she said with a smile. "Sounds like progress."

"So walls are good," he decided and sat back with a satisfied smile.

She looked at him carefully. "Depends how high you put them up."

* * *

Blaine got two bowls of whip cream and berries and two spoons and crawled back beneath the blankets on the couch with Dave, who snuggled in close.

"Hey, you okay?" Blaine asked, concern crossing his face. "I know that bear today totally freaked you out, but it really wasn't that bad. He was even kinda cute, I sort of felt bad when animal control came and got him."

"Was he as cute a bear as me?" Dave asked playfully.

Blaine blushed, but he shrugged airily. "He definitely wasn't as good a kisser." He leaned in to prove it, but his phone rang just as their lips were about to meet. With a quiet frustrated groan, he put his bowl down and pulled out his phone. "It's Sam," Blaine told Dave before answering.

"Hey Sam, what's up?" Blaine said and instinctively he rose from the couch for an illusion of privacy.

"Hey Dude," Sam said. "So Rachel and I were thinking that we should learn piano and I thought, well, who better to learn from than my bestie with the magic fingers?"

Blaine chuckled and looked over to Dave who was watching him with a questioning smile. "Well Sam, I don't know that I have magic fingers exactly-" he said with a flirtatious smile to his boyfriend.

"Yes you do," Dave chimed in and Blaine had to look away before he really started laughing.

"And I would love to teach both of you," he continued hesitantly, then lowered his voice. "But how do I know that this isn't gonna be video game night all over again?"

"It won't be dude, I promise," Sam said. "I was out of line. Whatever you and Kurt decide to do is your own business. I won't push and if you and Dave want to sext all night, well, who am I to stand in your way?"

The words sounded good but Blaine could hear the distaste dripping from them. "Well why don't you guys come out to Dalton tomorrow after school?" At least at Dalton there'd be no chance of Kurt being around and maybe they could even go out with him and Dave after. They could get to know him. Or re-know him.

"Oh no," Sam said quickly. "No, Rachel and I both need to be here for Glee and football. Why don't you come here at lunchtime, before you have to be back for Warblers rehearsal?"

Blaine sighed. He really didn't want to be running around like crazy, he had work he had to do. But he didn't want to distance himself from his friends. The only way this could get easier for everyone would be if they just kept going as if things were normal. "Alright, fine, I'll meet you in the auditorium at noon."

"Thanks Blaine, you're the best," Sam said and they both hung up.

"Something the matter magic fingers?" Dave smirked.

Blaine threw his phone on the table and curled back up, resting his head on Dave's chest. "It's just Rachel and Sam. They want me to drive all the way out there tomorrow just to give them piano lessons, as if I've got nothing better to do."

"If you don't want to do it, why did you say yes?" Dave asked.

"Because that's me," Blaine said with a mild dose of self-recrimination. "Because no matter how much progress I think I've made, I'm still mister bend over backwards for everyone else."

"No you're not," Dave said and Blaine looked up at him, startled. "If you were you wouldn't be dating me, and don't try to say it's not true," he added when Blaine moved to protest. "I heard Kurt tell you while we were waiting for animal control that Sue was trying to get you two back together. And I know he came back to Ohio to get you back. If you were really still the kid who bent over backwards for everyone, you wouldn't be here. In my arms. With your magic fingers," he teased mildly, but Blaine knew he was serious. "So why did you really say yes?"

Blaine thought about it. And he knew there was really only one answer. "I miss them," he admitted. "As annoying as they can be, I miss them."

Dave kissed him softly on the head and pulled him close. "It's okay to miss your friends Blaine," he said. "If I had friends like that I'd miss them too."

* * *

After the whole credit card scandal, Blaine thought that Sue could never really throw him for a loop again. But somehow, over and over, she always managed to hit him at his weakest points.  His insecurity faced with a parade of Dave's conquests was pretty weak.

The ride home from Breadstix was quiet. Dave was driving and Blaine stared out the window, into the blackness. Dave parked and Blaine got out and went inside. He threw his keys and his wallet on the kitchen counter then went straight to the bedroom. He stopped though at the sight of the bed. How many guys had Dave actually been with? Was he just another notch in his belt?

"Blaine, I think we should talk about this," Dave said, quietly standing in the doorway.

"Were you really with them all?" Blaine asked quietly. He turned and looked at Dave. He needed to see his face. "All those guys, were you really with them?"

Dave's eyes dipped to the floor before returning to meet Blaine's gaze. "After I came out, I went through this phase. All I had known really were you and Kurt and…I needed to meet other guys like me. So I went to Scandals and other bars in Columbus and I hung out with the other bears. I did a lot of hooking up then, I mean, everyone does, right?" Dave laughed uncomfortably, but Blaine just stared. Because he hadn't. Not really. "And yes, I dated some of them, over the years. I told you that."

Yes. Dave had told him that he'd had multiple partners. That he hadn't just been with the love his life for the past three years, minus one terrible mistake. Still. "Why me then?" Blaine asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I mean, I'm nothing like those guys."

Dave smiled and he walked over, sitting next to him. "I'm with you _because_ you're nothing like those guys. You're sweet and you're soft, in a good way," he added when Blaine glared up at him, "and you're hot, and your body is, god Blaine, you're incredible." Blaine felt himself blushing, even though he was still…he wasn't even sure what he was. He had no right to be mad. Jealous maybe? Insecure for sure. "And you're smart. Not that those guys weren't. Some of them were. But you're smart in such different ways. The way you think about music and politics and life, but you can still talk football with the best of them." Dave reached a hand up and cupped Blaine's face. "Those guys haven't meant to me what you mean to me Blaine. I need you to believe that."

Blaine did believe it. Because Dave was looking at him like Kurt sometimes had, when neither one of them could believe how lucky they were to have found each other. Blaine knew he wasn't looking back that way. Still, he nodded, and he didn't move away when Dave leaned in to kiss him. And he didn't move away when their lips met and Dave's hand landed on his knee. And he didn't move away when Dave deepened the kiss or when his hand slowly made its way up his thigh.

Because Blaine understood being with someone who was "nothing like those guys."

Dave didn't mean to him what Kurt had meant to him.

He never could.

* * *

_"I've actually met a really nice guy online. And we have our first date tonight."_

Blaine's heart was racing. He tried to believe the words he'd said. He tried not to think about the feel of Kurt's arms around him even thought it had been laced with awkwardness. He just got to his car as quickly as he could, his head spinning, his breath fast and he texted Sam and Rachel that he couldn't make their lesson. And then he drove.

He was furious at himself. Furious for caring and for losing hold of those goddamn walls when he had needed them most.

He was furious that just as he saw Dave possibly slipping through his fingers, Kurt had moved on.

But thirty minutes into the ride back home, without the scent of Kurt still in the air and the vision of him so beautiful before his eyes, Blaine's heart had slowed. His senses came back and he remembered this was a good thing. They both needed the space to move on. Because even if Kurt still wanted him back, he wasn't going back. It was too late. He couldn't put himself through that again.

They were better off as great friends, just like he'd said. Just like Kurt had said over and over the first time they had broken up. They were better off not fighting and making up and having everything they said and did matter so much to each other.

Even in the greatest stories, sometimes soulmates didn't end up together forever in every lifetime.

He would concentrate on the Warblers and Dave and Dalton and living the next chapter of his life. Tomorrow he would coach the Warblers to a win against New Directions and Vocal Adrenaline and then he'd put McKinley behind him. He'd focus on sectionals. He'd focus on his future. The future he was finally starting to redefine.

This was better. Kurt had been his first love. But he didn't have to be his last.

* * *

Kurt walked in the door, tossed his keys, hung up his coat and headed tiredly toward bed.

"Hey Kurt," Burt said from the couch as Kurt passed by. "How was your date?"

For a moment he wished he was in New York where he wouldn't have to answer questions he had no idea how to answer. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't draw a grand speech he wasn't in the mood to hear. Nothing other than, "It was find Dad," he said. "My date was…fine."

Burt arched a curious brow, not sure if he wanted to know anything more than that _fine_ or not. "Oh good," he answered as noncommittally as Kurt had. "I'm glad it was…fine."

"Yeah," Kurt breathed and he looked to the floor before letting his eyes meet his dad's again. "I'm just gonna…" He gestured toward the stairs, walking backwards toward them. "I'm gonna go to bed. It's been a long day. Night Dad."

"Night Kurt."

Kurt went upstairs to his room and fell backwards on his bed. His fingers clasped on top of his stomach, he stared firmly at the ceiling, wondering if Walter was older than his dad or if his dad was older. And then he groaned.

"What the hell am I doing?" he admonished himself aloud.

But then a little part of his brain asked what he would do if he were straight and Betty White asked him out on a date? There'd be no way he'd say no.

He ignored the nagging voice in his head, that sounded a little too much like Blaine, saying that Walter wasn't Betty White. And he ignored the pull on his heart knowing that he'd said yes to Walter just because he was so many things that Blaine was not.

Shaking the thoughts from his mind he dragged himself back up, showered and readied for bed. He checked his phone quickly to find a text from Walter.

**I had a great time tonight Kurt. I'd love to go out again, if you like.**

His fingers typed before he could let himself think on it too much.

**Sure. I'd really like that.**

Because if he thought on it too much then he couldn't ignore the truth he had realized on his way home. If he was old enough to date a man the same age as his father, then he was sure as hell old enough to get married to his one true love.

* * *

He wasn't sure how, but Blaine had somehow convinced himself and the Warblers that Vocal Adrenaline wouldn't be the powerhouse that it had been in previous years. Maybe he thought it was because Mr. Schuester was leading it, or maybe it had just been wishful thinking. But watching them on stage, he suddenly had this overwhelming sense of dread. If they were this good before sectionals, how much better would they be then?

He saw his dreams of a trophy slip away, and looking over at Kurt he could tell that he did too.

And then Sue announced that they wouldn't be performing until tomorrow.

The question of where the boys would sleep was a good one and Blaine made some phone calls to the Headmaster while Kurt talked to Rachel. In no time they had hotel rooms booked and parents were in the process of being notified.

"So you staying at the hotel with them?" Kurt asked with a smirk. "Chaperoning?"

"No," Blaine laughed and they started heading out toward the front of the school. "That was not part of the deal. Two of the house monitors are coming down. And _I_ am going back home."

"Aren't you getting tired of trekking back and forth?" Kurt pulled open the door and walked with Blaine out to his car.

"Yes I am," Blaine said. "But we can blame Sue for this one. What about you? Any raucous plans for the evening?"

"Well I don't know about raucous," Kurt said, his eyes sparkling just a little with excitement. "But yes, I do. I have a second date with Walter."

"Oh!" Blaine exclaimed. This time he was determined to keep his cool. "Well, that's great. Guess the first one went well then," he smiled.

"Yeah," Kurt said and he sounded somewhat surprised at himself that he meant it. "I think it did."

They got to Blaine's car and Blaine leaned against the door. "Well have a good time, okay? Be safe," he said and then inwardly kicked himself for saying it. "Yeah, okay, well I'll see you tomorrow." He opened the door to avoid a repeat of the other day's awkward hug.

"See ya Blaine," Kurt said and crossed his arms, waiting, waving stupidly as Blaine drove away. He turned with a sigh to go back inside and nearly slammed right into Sue.

"Don't worry Porcelain," she said before he could even get out a word. "You'll see each other again reeeaal soon."

* * *

"Dave what are you doing?"

Dave had been in the bedroom for most of the time it took Blaine to cook them both a quick dinner and when he came in to tell his boyfriend it was done he walked in to see a suitcase on the bed. A suitcase now being topped with bowties.

"Oh, well, I wasn't sure which ones you would want so I figured I'd just throw a bunch in," he said.

"I see that," Blaine said, rolling his eyes fondly. "What I meant was, why are you packing me a suitcase?"

Dave closed the top then closed the distance between him and Blaine. "I'm packing you a suitcase because it makes no sense for you to keep coming back here and going back to Lima for the next two days." He wrapped his large, strong arms around Blaine and pulled him in close. "Stay at the hotel with the Warblers," he said, kissing him softly on the head. "Check in in the morning."

Blaine looked up at him, his nose scrunched in concern. "Are you sure? I mean I don't mind-"

"I am sure and you do mind, you were complaining about it not 60 minutes ago," Dave reminded him with a smile. "And I can see you getting worn down. You're starting to get little dark circles under your eyes."

"What?" Blaine exclaimed and his hands flew to the skin beneath his eyes as he pulled out of Dave's embrace to examine himself in the mirror.

Dave laughed softly and came up behind him, snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him close. "I love the way you worry about your looks like that. As if you wouldn't be gorgeous with the darkest of circles."

"I wouldn't," Blaine pouted, still looking. It wasn't too bad, but he could see what Dave meant. He needed to get to bed early tonight and yes, he needed a night that was low travel and low stress. He turned in Dave's arms. "Ok. I'll stay at the hotel tomorrow night."

"Good," Dave smiled and he leaned in and kissed Blaine sweetly. "Now did I hear you say something about dinner?"

* * *

In the morning Blaine checked into his hotel room, dropped off his bags and drove to McKinley. The boys were already there he was sure, the council leading them in warmups. There was something about this, being on a "business trip," staying at a hotel, leading the Warblers, that made him feel independent. Grown up. And what better way was there to celebrate that than to finally use the McKinley Faculty Bathroom?

Explaining that to Kurt when they ran in to each other, on the other hand, felt a little bit childish. But Kurt didn't seem to mind and it was nice that they could just talk together like this as friends, walk together…

"Oh hey!" Blaine said, seeing an elevator in the hallway. "Is that new?

"Yeah, I guess so," Kurt said.

"That's convenient," Blaine mused.

It would have been far more convenient the previous five years. "Yeah sure we get an elevator after Artie graduates," Kurt muttered.

"All those years of carrying him up those stairs…"

They walked inside and the doors closed behind them. Blaine oddly found a bathroom in it. And then they waited. But it didn't move. They pressed all the buttons and it still didn't move. They panicked and tried to pry the doors open. The lights went out. Then clicked back on, and their hearts started beating wildly.

"I don't think this is a real elevator."

* * *

"Well," Blaine said throwing his hands in the air. "What the hell do we do now?"

"And why the hell is there a fake elevator in the middle of McKinley High School?

Blaine started looking around, for hidden cameras or microphones. "Maybe it's some sort of sociology experiment," he guessed. "Or media studies? A bloopers kinda thing? What happens when people get stuck in an elevator together?"

"Well, they're not gonna get anything from me," Kurt said and he slumped down in the corner. He took out his phone and tried to text, but he couldn't get any service. He pulled up his Kim Kardashian game instead.

And then Blaine started banging.

"School's probably over by now Blaine, no one's gonna answer," Kurt told him.

"This school's in session like 24 hours a day 7 days a week Kurt, there's always someone here," Blaine said and he started banging again. "Besides, everyone from the invitational is here."

"They're all upstairs in the auditorium, where we should be," Kurt grumbled. The vibrations were going through the entire wall and reverberating in Kurt's head. "Come on Blaine, you're giving me a headache."

"Do you want to get out of here or not Kurt?" Blaine snapped and he started banging again.

"Stop banging!" Kurt yelled. "No one can hear you."

Blaine sighed. At least he was doing something. Kurt was just sitting there tapping away. "Well why don't you use your phone," he asked exacerbated.

"I'm at 4%," he said but then it buzzed and turned off. "It just died," he sighed and he tossed it aside.

"You've gotta stop charging every night, I've told you a hundred times-"

"There's no reception in here anyway," Kurt said. Maybe being in here with Blaine would actually be a good thing. Maybe he'd remember all the reasons why he thought calling off the wedding was a good idea in the first place.

Blaine screamed into the door. He couldn't do this. He needed to get out. He needed to watch the Warblers and call Dave and most of all he needed to not be trapped in a goddamn fake elevator with his ex-fiancé who called off their wedding precisely because they couldn't get through a day without fighting exactly how they were fighting right then and god they couldn't possibly be stuck here all day could they? "Well at least we've got that bathroom," he said stupidly.

"God I'm losing my mind," Kurt groaned, his head thrown back against the wall. "We've got to find a way out of here."

And then Blaine wondered if they were both losing their minds. Because a little door in the side wall opened and what they were seeing couldn't possibly be real.

* * *

"Do you think the Warblers have performed yet?" Blaine asked as he put out the food from Sue on top of the blanket. "I can't believe I'm missing it, my first time teaching, I just wanted everything to go right and I'm not even there to see it. I promised them my allegiance was to them and not you and now-"

"To me?" Kurt asked, an eyebrow arching in surprise.

Blaine's eyes opened wide. "To New Directions, I meant. Not…not you specifically," he hedged. "Hey look at this cheese, I think it's one of your favorites," he said changing the subject as quickly as he could.

Kurt side-eyed him but let it go. "They're gonna get us out of here, right? I mean, they must have noticed us missing by now. Someone's got to be smart enough to put together the brand new elevator and us missing. Right?"

Blaine wasn't so sure. "Well, we weren't smart enough," he said wryly, scooping pasta onto his plate. "And I was valedictorian," he pointed out.

"You were valedictorian by default, because you're like this golden child that nothing bad happens to," Kurt blurted out.

Blaine froze.

"I didn't mean…" Kurt let his head fall into his hands. "God that was the stupidest thing to say," he muttered. _Well not exactly the stupidest_ , Kurt thought to himself.

"It's okay Kurt," Blaine said softly. "Things have gone pretty well for me in Ohio for a few years now." _Ever since I met you_ , Blaine tried not to think.

They were quiet a minute, plating their picnic lunch, tension floating in the air. They both stopped moving though once their dishes were ready. As if they were one they turned to one another.

"Do you think this is-" Kurt started.

"-drugged?" Blaine finished. "At least if Sue kills us we go together."

"Like Romeo and Juliet." Kurt rolled his eyes.

 _Like Romeo and Juliet_  
_'Twas written in the stars before they even met_  
_That love and fate and a touch of stupidity_  
_Would rob them of the hope of living happily_

_The endings are often a little bit gory_

The lyrics from Matilda came to Blaine's head like every good theater kid. And they couldn't have been more true. "Yeah," he said. "Like Romeo and Juliet."

_I wonder why they didn't just change their story._

* * *

Blaine was busy examining every inch of the elevator to find some kind of way out.

"I have to pee," Kurt whined in the corner.

"Uh, pretty sure that's why Sue put a bathroom in here," Blaine said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Blaine do you think I really want to go in there?" Kurt said, eyes wide and incredulous.

Blaine rolled his eyes and opened the door. "It looks perfectly fine to me. It's clean."

"I'm a little more worried about cameras actually," Kurt said as he carefully went inside, examining every nook and cranny before closing the door he then yelled through. "Who knows what she's doing in this place, maybe a shot of my dick is exactly what she wants."

"Pretty sure if she wanted that she'd force us to have sex and not just kiss," Blaine yelled back. All he heard was silence. He didn't hear flushing or washing hands. "Kurt are you okay?"

"Fine," Kurt said, his voice just a touch strangled. "Be right out."

Instantly the toilet flushed the sink went on and when Kurt came out he was wiping off water he'd splashed on his face with his sleeve. His cheeks were flushed and he slumped back down in the corner.

Blaine sighed and turned away. He felt like he was walking a tightrope and if they didn't get out of here soon he just might slip over the edge. And either way he fell, everyone would end up getting hurt. He looked up at the ceiling.

"Kurt. I think maybe if we can get up high enough and into that vent up there…"

Kurt looked up. Everything Blaine did was making him more and more irritable. "And how do you think we're going to get up there?"

"You can just lift me up on three, okay?"

"Seriously Blaine?" Kurt snapped.

"Yes, Kurt, seriously." Blaine looked at him, sweating already and it had only been a few hours. "Unless you just want to sit here and be at the mercy of Sue Sylvester."

It only took a moment for Kurt to make that decision and he walked over. "Okay Kurt, now one, two, three, go."

"Yes okay," Kurt said.

"On three, okay-"

"I know what _on three_ means," Kurt said.

"One, two, go!"

"One, two, three!"

"You didn't go at the right time Kurt!" Blaine snapped.

"You didn't jump!"

"Oh god, this is hopeless," Blaine said and he collapsed in the corner. "We're gonna be in here the rest of our lives."

Kurt took his seat back in his corner. One kiss. That's all it would take. _That's easy_ , Blaine had said. _That's all we gotta do?_ Blaine had said.

But apparently it wasn't easy at all. Apparently Blaine thought it was hopeless.

* * *

"Do you think she put sleeping pills in our drinks?" Kurt asked. "I'm so tired and I don't even have a clue what time it is."

"It's late Kurt, it's hot and it's stressful, that's gonna make both of us tired," Blaine said softly.

"I don't think we should sleep at the same time," Kurt said. "We need to take watches. Who knows what she intends to do to us in our sleep."

Blaine had been thinking the same thing. He was exhausted, but he wasn't sure he could sleep right now anyway. "You go first, you look wiped. It's okay." Unconsciously he reached out, brushing his fingertips in Kurt's hair until he realized what he was doing and pulled back. His voice though was as gentle as the wind. "I'll make sure we're safe."

Kurt looked at him. There had been moments after the attack in NY that Kurt had woken from nightmares. Blaine would caress his hair and tell him they were safe, and would look at him as if love could protect them from whatever wanted to harm them. For just a moment, Blaine was looking at him like that now.

Kurt couldn't take it. He grabbed his clothes and curled up with them bunched beneath his head for a pillow. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Blaine sat there, listening to the rise and fall of Kurt's breath. It had been a long time since he'd heard it, in a silence so loud. Even in New York there had always been too much background noise. It hadn't been since they were together back here. He was having trouble remembering when that even was.

It felt a lifetime ago and yet sitting here, confined with him for far too many hours so far, it felt like yesterday. It felt like minutes ago. It felt like seconds.

What was he doing? How did everything turn out this way, with him dating Dave and Kurt dating some other guy? How did it happen that the man he'd dreamed of marrying, having children with, growing old with, dying with…how had they gotten to a point where despite all that they couldn't even kiss for their freedom?

Or maybe it was because of all that.

They had both been trying so hard to give each other space. And now there was none.

One kiss was all it would take to get out of there. And it terrified him. It wouldn't be fair to Kurt and it sure as hell wouldn't be fair to Dave.

But he couldn't help but wonder what it might be like one last time. To touch him. To taste him. To feel him inside his heart one last time. Things between them had ended so abruptly, so horribly. This could be one last chance to remember. It was their chance to say goodbye, not to each other, but to what they could have had together.

Blaine looked over at him. Kurt was beautiful. He always had been when he was sleeping, his beautiful angel sent from the heavens to save him over and over and over again. His soulmate. In moments like these he couldn't deny it. But too much had happened. It hurt too much. Too much to be lovers.

 _That's easy_ , he had told Sue. But if it were easy they would have been out of the elevator hours ago. It wasn't easy at all, it was one of the hardest things he'd ever been asked to do.

Because a part of him knew a kiss would make it hurt all over again. And a part of him knew that the moment he kissed Kurt, he would never want to let go.

* * *

Kurt had never been that skilled at origami. It was just something he did sometimes to pass the time. To pass away the moments where his fingers needed to be moving and his mind needed to be empty and everything he was feeling in his body could be put into the paper.

He slipped his fingers softly over the top, tightening the fold. And he looked at Blaine.

And he wished that regret could be folded into paper and made into something beautiful. He wished that even the biggest mistakes could just be undone and remade into something slightly wrinkled, not necessarily the perfect pristine vision that the original had been intended. Just different. More worn. But better for it.

He wondered what would happen if forgiveness came easy. Not the forgiveness that said, _sure I'm okay with you dating my ex-bully_ , or the forgiveness that said, _you're right we've always been better off as just friends._ That forgiveness wasn't real, it was full of lies just covering up the hurt. No. Kurt meant the kind of forgiveness where you put everything that ever hurt you away in a locker and you latch it shut and you throw away the key. The kind of forgiveness where you turn around, or wake up, and everything is brand new. The kind of forgiveness that very few people were capable of. That he had never really been capable of before.

But it was a forgiveness that Blaine had shown long ago he could give.

Blaine had said he'd never forgive him and maybe it was true. Maybe he didn't even deserve it. Kurt had made the biggest mistake of his life, thrown away the one person who would have loved him forever despite anything. Blaine had no reason to trust him, no reason to believe it wouldn't happen again.

No reason but faith.

A faith that he knew so well Blaine was capable of. When he believed that it mattered.

He didn't want to hold out hope that someday he would matter again to Blaine. He just couldn't help it.

One kiss. That's all they needed to do to get out of here. If Kurt were honest with himself, he would do it in a heartbeat.

But he wouldn't be the one to agree. He'd already made enough decisions for the two of them. This one had to be Blaine's.

* * *

"Ugh, I was hoping I would wake up and this would all be a dream," Blaine muttered as he opened his eyes. He looked over to Kurt who was just getting out of the bathroom.

"Did you notice Sue put mints in there?" Kurt asked casually, popping one in his mouth. He caught a glimpse of Blaine's slightly messed up morning hair and he felt a pang in his heart that he tried hard to ignore.

Blaine yawned and covered his mouth, then wrinkled his nose. "Poison or not, I will definitely be partaking in one of those," he said and he got up and locked himself in the tiny boy's room.

"Do you think anyone's looking for us?" Kurt asked, stretching in the middle of the elevator.

The toilet flushed and the water went on. "Well," Blaine yelled through the door. "Dave thought I was staying at the hotel last night and I can guarantee no one thought to call him and let him know I'm missing. He might think it strange I didn't answer my phone but…" He walked out of the bathroom, hair wet and gelled back into place. "I'm sure he just assumed I ran out of battery and forgot my charger."

"Rachel has to be freaking out," Kurt said. "How the hell does no one realize there's a fake elevator here?" he argued for the second time.

"We've been over this Kurt, ridiculous things happen at McKinley all the time." He settled himself back on the floor, staring at the ceiling, just waiting for another arrival of JigSue. "I'm hungry," he whined.

"Well that's why we kept the grapes and some of those breadsticks in the basket," Kurt said and he got them out. Blaine grabbed a stick and started gnawing on it upside down. Kurt laughed and dug into the grapes. "I'm surprised Sue didn't prepare breakfast in bed for us."

Blaine rolled over and looked at him, eyes shining. "Do you remember that time after your senior prom when we tried to actually have breakfast in bed?"

Kurt laughed. "That was a disaster. I'm surprised we didn't get charged for spilling the coffee all over the pillows."

"Maybe we did and Cooper just paid it without even knowing," Blaine said.

Blaine took another bite of his breadstick. He wished he had some coffee now.

"Hey, how is Cooper?" Kurt asked. "And your parents? Your Mom okay?"

Blaine smiled at Kurt's sweetness. "They're all good, thanks. Even my dad. He's been better than I thought he'd be. With me coming back home and all."

"He probably missed you and just didn't want to tell you."

"Yeah," Blaine said quietly, rolling back over. "Maybe."

And maybe Kurt missed him too.

* * *

"God Blaine, I'm so bored!" Kurt whined.

"If your phone was still charged we could play Heads Up," he teased.

"You can play heads up on paper Blaine," he said, rolling his eyes, and he grabbed his pen and paper from his bag. "What on earth did people ever do before technology?"

"They got trapped in elevators with no way out," Blaine quipped, ripping up his sheets of paper. "So how do we do this, I've never played it without the phone."

"Well, I think I would have to write your clues and you would have to write mine," Kurt said, spreading out on the floor. "We need enough so we don't just know immediately how to describe stuff," Kurt said.

"Are there rules to this game? Things we can and cannot put on paper?"

Kurt glared at him. "Just use your common sense Blaine and I think we'll be fine."

Blaine pouted. "You mean I can't put anything about that one time that we-"

"Stop," Kurt said with a laugh. "Just write down the first things that come to your mind that are PG-13 at the most. Food is always a safe topic."

"Party pooper," Blaine said, but he started writing.

When they finished writing, they exchanged papers and Kurt rolled over onto his back. "Who's first?"

"You guess first," Blaine said, leaning up on his elbow as he sorted through the papers.

Suddenly the lights flashed. "Oh that can't be good," Kurt groaned.

Blaine glanced up but now that they were finally having fun, he wouldn't let Sue ruin it. "Okay you ready for this?" He put a paper to his head. "Alright cool."

Kurt gave the clues and Blaine guessed and god he couldn't believe that Kurt remembered that conversation they'd had about naming their celebrity child Fettuccine Alfredo. They'd been at this Italian restaurant in New York, right after Sunday Molly was born to Mike Meyers and they just started calling out the most outlandish names imaginable.

He held up another paper to his head.

"Okay, if I was an ironic rapper, this would be my name," Kurt offered but Blaine had no idea. He tried to think of a moment, a moment that was important to them, that Blaine would remember. "Okay, we drank it when we were playing, no when we went ice skating at Bryant Park…"

"Hot chocolate," Blaine guessed and Kurt was glad for the teasing that followed about his rap name because thinking on those times was so bittersweet.

"Okay, my turn," Kurt said and Blaine rattled on while he lifted the paper to his head.

"Um, okay," Blaine thought. "This is a dessert, it's cold…" He tried to think of something more personal and he blurted out the first image that came to mind and he couldn't help but laugh. "Oh Dave eats this all the time, I mean a little too much if you ask me."

Kurt dropped the paper to the floor, right beside the broken pieces of his heart. He pulled away, in on himself. He had to get away, so much further away than he could go trapped in this horribly suffocating, confining space and the only way out was to let Blaine take whatever was still holding him together. And such a big part of him wanted Blaine to take him apart. "It's so hot in here I'm going to be sick," he said.

Blaine turned away, knowing Kurt wasn't sick from the heat. He couldn't look at Kurt's face, the hurt that he'd put there by saying the most insensitive thing he possibly could have. Because Kurt still loved him and him being with Dave was killing Kurt. Kurt could try and hide it all he wanted, but Blaine knew him. He _knew_ Kurt, better than anyone. A few months apart hadn't changed that. Dating Dave hadn't changed that. Wishing that he could forget didn't change it at all, it only made the memories stronger. Memories of breakfasts in bed and dreaming of their future children running around and cold evenings made warm by hot chocolate and love.

The wrinkle in Kurt's nose and the defensiveness in his voice. Being angry, not forgiving, not trusting, it didn't change how much he _loved_ Kurt. How much he never wanted to hurt him. How much he had never wanted to leave him.

Blaine looked at his watch. It had been nearly 24 hours. And the two of them couldn't do this anymore. It hurt too much. They would hurt each other too much if they stayed.

So when Sue came back, there was only one choice.

_"Try to resist the love you have for one another, just know that if you choose to resist you choose to die."_

Kurt wondered how far from the truth she really was.

"I wanna get out of here," Blaine whined and looked at Kurt. Kurt stared back at him. "It's just so hot."

Kurt froze. He hadn't figured out how this would end, but he hadn't let himself believe that Blaine would actually agree to kiss him. But now his heart was racing, the heat in his skin wasn't caused by the heat in the elevator and as he absentmindedly rubbed his thumb along his arm, he couldn't take his eyes off of Blaine.

"Yesss-" JigSue crooned.

"Not sexually hot," Blaine snapped, though Kurt entirely disagreed, "it's just actually hot and I want to go home, I want to get out of here." Blaine looked at Kurt, curled in on himself.

"Yes, listen to Blaine," the Sue doll said.

Kurt looked at him. Blaine had to know. Blaine had to know that this could break him.

Dave flashed in Blaine's mind but he banished him, he had to put that away. Dave would understand. He would understand that he had no choice. That kissing Kurt just one more time was the only way out of this trap he was in.

A trap far bigger than this elevator.

"Why don't we just decide beforehand that this doesn't have to mean anything," Blaine said. He had to give Kurt that permission.

Kurt quickly cleared his head. "We make a promise right now that it means nothing." He had to guard his heart.

"Let's do what we have to do," Blaine said.

Kurt's breathing was heavy though it felt like he could barely get air. Blaine's eyes never left him. Eyes that he could fall into and never escape. He didn't know what Blaine was thinking, but he knew one thing. There was no way that this meant nothing. Not to him. This would break his heart.

And he wanted it more than anything.

At Blaine's encouragement they rose to their knees, meeting in the center of the elevator.

"So we're in agreement," Kurt said.

"Yeah." Blaine nodded, keeping his voice as light as his heart felt heavy. 24 hours trapped in an elevator and he just couldn't ignore the fact that Kurt looked more gorgeous than he ever had. He couldn't ignore the racing of his heart or the way his blood was pulsing through his veins. He wasn't doing this for Sue at all. He wanted this. He wanted Kurt. "This doesn't mean anything. The only reason that we're doing this is because it's the only way that Sue's gonna let us out."

"Because Sue is forcing us," Kurt made himself believe.

"Forcing us," Blaine breathed.

"On the count of three."

Blaine told himself this meant nothing.

"One." Kurt braced his heart. "Two." Blaine felt his walls drop. "Three."

And then their lips met and the world disappeared. Blaine reached up for Kurt's neck, pulling him closer, needing him like a flower needed the sun. He melted into him, remembering that Kurt's lips felt like silk, and he needed more. Kurt's hand traced up his arm, his touch sending shivers through his heated body, and Blaine deepened the kiss, opening for Kurt, remembering his taste and the feel of him inside, remembering every kiss and every embrace and every I love you. His whole body ached, ached for more, ached for the forever that Kurt had stolen from him and as Kurt pulled him even closer he went, he went willingly to the edge of forgiveness.

Kurt pulled away first, his heartbreak written all over his face and Blaine couldn't think. His mind spun. Love and betrayal and forgiveness and fear flooding him.

The chime of the elevator door snapped him out of it and he looked back at Kurt once before the freshness of the air hit them and they both raced out, raced away from what had just happened and back to the auditorium. He hugged Rachel and left Kurt to explain, but his hand reached out on its own accord. It shouldn't have been hard to leave him but it was.

 _I'm lying alone with my head on the phone_  
_Thinking of you till it hurts_  
_I know you hurt too, but what else can we do?_  
_Tormented and torn apart_

Because it was too late. There was too much hurt. Too much history. Too much betrayal.

And yet Blaine knew how to forgive that.

 _I wish I could carry your smile in my heart_  
_For times when my life seems so low_  
_It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring_  
_When today doesn't really know_

The question was, would he? He looked at Kurt across the auditorium, his hair a mess and never more beautiful. He could still feel his lips, the way Kurt pulled him in. Kurt smiled at him. And Blaine knew he had no choice. It wasn't supposed to have meant anything.

But they both knew it did. They both knew it meant everything.

 _I want you to come back and carry me home_  
_Away from these long lonely nights_  
_I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?_  
_Does the feeling seem oh so right?_

After the trophy ceremony, Blaine went back to the hotel and grabbed his things. He drove back to Westerville to the apartment he shared with Dave. He took a deep breath and he opened the door.

"Hey Boo Boo," Dave grinned and dropped what he was doing to wrap Blaine in his arms. "How did everything go?"

Blaine pulled away, his stomach turning.

_I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you_   
_I know you were right believing for so long_   
_I'm all out of love, what am I without you?_   
_I can't be too late, I know I was so wrong_

"Dave, I think we should talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That little ditty was from Matilda the Musical. Matilda sings about literary characters and wonders why they didn't just take charge of their own lives and change their story. Seemed rather fitting.


	9. What the World Needs Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, trying to predict the next episode was always so much fun...

"Hey Boo Boo." Dave grinned and dropped what he was doing to wrap Blaine in his arms. "How did everything go?"

Blaine pulled away, his stomach turning. "Dave." He dropped his gaze. It was hard to look in Dave's eyes and see the things he knew he'd never feel. "I think we should talk."

Dave looked down at him and his eyes suddenly shifted. "That good, huh?" he said in a clipped tone before he went off to the bedroom and sat down on the bed.

Blaine left his suitcase by the door, took a breath and followed. He pulled up a chair. "Look, Dave. Something happened-" 

"You were with Kurt." It wasn't a question. Blaine wondered if it was that plain on his face or if someone had told him. But no one knew except Kurt and Sue and even she wouldn't... "At the hotel. That's why you didn't answer my calls or my texts."

Blaine's eyes opened wide and he shook his head, instinctually grabbing Dave's hands. "Oh god, no, no, Dave, it wasn't like that."

Dave looked up at him, his eyes sad. Because in Blaine's denial was also confirmation. "Then what was it like?"

Blaine bit his lip. And he suddenly realized that the truth was so ridiculous there was no way on earth Dave would believe it. It didn't even seem real to him and he had lived through it. Dave was just going to think it was some outlandish lie to excuse what he'd done. Still he had no other choice, not really. "It was Sue, she um…" he paused and lowered his head into his hands, rubbing his neck. "I know this is going to sound completely insane, and it was, but she locked Kurt and me in a fake elevator and she wouldn't let us out unless we kissed."

Dave stared at him, dumfounded. And then he laughed. And then he dropped Blaine's hands, got up, and moved as far away from Blaine as he could. "Well I see you got out," he said sarcastically. "How long did it take? 5 minutes? An hour?"

"24 hours actually," Blaine said, his voice growing a little cold. "Do you really think that I could just forget everything and kiss him like that?"

"Like what Blaine?" Dave asked, turning, and now his eyes and voice were full of resignation. "What was it like exactly? Kissing him?"

Now it was Blaine's turn to stare. Unconsciously he shook his head, chasing away the feelings and the thoughts and everything that his brain was telling him was body memory, sense memory. But he couldn't help the quickening of his heart at the very thought of it. "I don't know," Blaine whispered.

"And what about me? Was I just the one convenient thing you forgot about?" Dave asked.

"No," Blaine said and he was out of his chair and back with his hands clasped in Dave's in no time. "I never forgot about you Dave, not once. We were playing this game of heads up and the clue was ice cream and I started telling Kurt about how you eat it all the time." Blaine laughed, but he was very well aware that Dave wasn't laughing with him. He looked up at him in earnest. "We were trapped. It was our only way out. What exactly was I supposed to do?"

Dave looked over Blaine's head as if he couldn't look him in the eye anymore. "I don't know Blaine. What exactly am _I_ supposed to do?"

* * *

"What do you mean you _had_ to kiss?" Rachel screeched.

"Shhh…" Kurt looked around the choir room as they sat on the floor, but there was no one left, everyone else had headed home after the trophy ceremony. "I mean Sue, or that crazy JigSue doll, god Rachel you should have seen it, wouldn't let us out of the elevator until we kissed."

Rachel shook her head. Sue had done some very low things, but this was appalling. Criminal even. "So what was it like? Was it like some little peck on the lips or-"

"It was hot," Kurt blurted out and he immediately pulled his knees to his chest and dropped his head into his arms. "And I don't mean temperature hot," he murmured toward the floor.

Rachel didn't know what to say or do, so she reached out and gently rubbed his back. "And what did Blaine think?" she asked softly.

Kurt could still feel him on his lips. Could still taste him as strong as he had when Blaine had surged forward, reaching out for him in the only way he could. The look in Blaine's eyes when they parted would forever be burned into his memory. Blaine couldn't hide it from him. He'd felt scared and confused and he'd wanted that kiss as much as Kurt had. "I don't know," he told Rachel.

"So what are you gonna do now?" she asked.

Kurt lifted his head and looked at her. Her expression was a mix of worry and annoyance, no doubt that she might have to go through this again with them or maybe just that she thought his head wouldn't be in the game when it came to sectionals. But he wasn't going to let that happen. "I'm not gonna do anything Rachel," he told her firmly. "We agreed it wouldn't mean anything. We're just going to pretend it didn't happen and go about our lives preparing for our next trophy." He got up and held his hand out to her. "Come on. I'll walk you to your car."

She reached up and let him pull her up. They grabbed their things and walked out of the building. Kurt took a deep breath of the fresh air and let it settle in his lungs. His head grew clearer. And he turned to his best friend with a smirk.

"So tell me what's going on between you and Sam Evans."

* * *

The glares from the Warblers were creeping up Blaine's spine as they rehearsed, making his stomach twist with guilt that he didn't need on top of the guilt he already felt. He couldn't say that it affected their performance, but he knew they could be so much better if they could let it go.

"Alright guys, let's take a break," Blaine called, clapping his hands to get their attention.

The boys all stopped, grabbed their water bottles and towels and phones. Their silent treatment was better rehearsed than the number and Blaine had had enough.

"Okay, everyone take a seat please," Blaine said and the boys followed his command wordlessly. He took a deep breath and tried to be the adult in the room. "I understand that you're all mad that I missed your performance and even more so that we didn't win. But you're going to keep not winning if you let your anger at me hinder your performance. With or without me, you're a team, you need to rely on one another. So someone needs to speak up now and get this out in the open."

They all looked around and the head of the council stood up. "You were with Kurt," he said. "We saw you two show up together in the wings."

It hadn't been a question, but Blaine answered anyway. "Yes. It wasn't intentional, but yes."

"How are you with someone unintentionally?" he asked.

Blaine was beginning to think that the worst part of what Sue did was putting them in a situation that sounded like nothing but a lie when they told the truth. "We were locked in a room and we couldn't get out. Look, it doesn't matter how. What matters is that neither one of us wanted to be there, we didn't even talk about the Warblers or New Directions, we certainly didn't give up show choir secrets to each other, and I didn't do anything to deserve your anger other than not be there for you. Which believe me, I am angrier about than any of you could be."

"So how do you feel about New Directions winning the invitational?" the Warbler challenged.

Blaine didn't hesitate. "I think it sucks. I think Sue Sylvester has no right being a judge or a principal or frankly allowed out of a tiny room of her own she should be locked in," he added under his breath. "But, and I know I didn't see your performance, but I know what we can do and I think Vocal Adrenaline deserved the win."

"How dare you!" came a yell from the back but the Head Warbler quieted it with a hand.

"No. Mr. Anderson is right," he said quietly. "Vocal Adrenaline was incredible. And we need to be spending our time figuring out how to beat them rather than fighting amongst ourselves." He turned to Blaine and offered a small smile. "And that includes you." He held out a hand and took a step toward Blaine. "Truce?"

Blaine took a step in, smiled and shook his head. "Very definitely truce. Now let's get back to work."

* * *

Blaine juggled his keys and his bag and a pile of sheet music in his hand while walking to his car with his phone under his ear. It rang and rang until finally it was picked up.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hey, Britt," Blaine said, clicking his car door open and throwing his things in the back seat. "Is Santana there?" He quickly checked his phone to make sure he'd dialed the right number.

"No, well, yes, but she's downstairs with my mom and my not really my dad, being shown album after album of pictures," Britt said. "They insisted she come over after I told them we were getting married."

Blaine raised a brow. "What do you mean not really your dad?" he asked and turned the car on and headed off campus. Back home. To what, he didn't know.

"Oh well, it turns out I'm not really half Asian like you," Brittany said. "Stephen Hawking's my dad, not my dad."

"Oh," Blaine exclaimed, not having any idea when to believe Brittany and when not to. "Well, that's amazing. That explains the math then I guess."

"Yeah, that's what my Mom said." Blaine could hear her rustling around for a second. "So, do you want me to go get Santana or tell her you called or-"

"Kurt and I kissed," Blaine blurted out, then bit his lip, not sure whether to continue or not.

"Oh," Brittany said.

"At invitationals. We didn't mean to. I mean we didn't want to. It's just, Sue trapped us in this elevator and she told us kissing was the only way to get out and-" It sounded worse and worse every time he said it. "I told Dave and now I don't know what to do."

"Oh," Brittany said again. "What did he say?"

"He doesn't know what to do either," Blaine said sadly.

"Do you love him?" Brittany asked.

"Who? Kurt or Dave?"

Brittany paused. "You know, Santana and I broke up at least twice before we realized we couldn't live without each other. Or really, before Santana realized that being afraid was just a part of it all-"

"Kurt broke up with me Britt, not the other way around."

"Yeah," Britt said quietly. "Thing is though, I never stopped loving her. Through any of it. And the breaking up was just part of what we needed to do to get where we are. It hurt like hell every time and I missed her like crazy. And sometimes it feels like a rollercoaster, but loving someone is just staying on the ride with them. No matter the twists and turns."

_I'm on your magical mystery ride_  
_And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright_

Blaine missed Kurt like crazy too. "Thank you Britt."

"Anibnida," Brittany answered in Korean and Blaine laughed.

"It _is_ much," he corrected her. "It's a lot."

* * *

Blaine said yes to Mercedes as much to get out of the house as to help Rachel make a choice to return to Broadway. He absolutely did not say yes so he could see Kurt again. Make sure he's okay. Get some tiny inkling of what he was feeling since they hadn't really spoken since confronting Sue the day after invitationals.

"Hey dude, glad you could come," Sam said, slapping him on the back and handing him a top hat to go with the tuxedo he'd brought. Mercedes had wanted them to go all out for Rachel. "We've missed you 'round here the last few days, seems kinda weird with you not around."

"Yeah well," he stammered, looking around. He didn't see Kurt. "I've been doing a lot of work with the Warblers. Gotta put in those extra rehearsals if we want to beat New Directions."

"Yeah, okay, not gonna happen dude, but you keep dreaming," Sam said with another slap and Blaine laughed.

"Sam have you seen my-" Sam and Blaine turned to Kurt. Kurt stopped moving when he saw Blaine. Blaine stopped breathing when he saw Kurt. "Top hat. Have you seen my top hat," Kurt finally finished.

"Yeah, it's right here," Sam said, grabbing it off the piano and tossing it to Kurt. Kurt caught it and put it on his head.

He looked breathtaking.

"Hey," was all Blaine could manage to get out of his mouth.

"Hey," Kurt said with that crooked smile that made Blaine's heart flutter. And almost simultaneously they leaned in for a quick, awkward hug before stepping back again.

"Alright everyone listen up!" Sam yelled and Blaine had never been so thankful for him interrupting the two of them. "So, Mercedes really wants to make this good to convince Rachel to go back to New York and audition for some show. The rest of us have already rehearsed Blaine, so all you have to do is sit at the piano and play and start us off. Everybody got it?"

Everyone nodded and went back to getting ready and Blaine took the opportunity to turn and check his phone.

"It's weird," Kurt said and Blaine turned around, a surprised brow quirked. "Trying to convince Rachel to go back to New York. Seems it didn't really turn out so well for any of us."

"Well," Blaine said, looking Kurt in the eye. Once upon a time New York had held in its grasp the hopes and dreams of three wide-eyed kids looking for fame, fortune and love. Now it held a million memories, good and bad. Mercedes wanted Rachel, perhaps wanted all of them, to realize it still held promise. "Maybe the ride's not over yet."

Before Kurt could say anything Sam called places and Blaine walked out to the stage. He took a breath. He placed his hands on the piano keys. And for the moment, everything felt right again.

_Once in your life you find her_  
_Someone that turns your heart around_  
_And next thing you know you're closing down the town_

Why was it so easy to imagine going back to him? To curl up in the safety and warmth of his arms, kiss him until they both just fell apart.

And wait for the other shoe to drop.

_When you get caught between the moon and New York City_

He felt trapped between the childish fantasy of the fairy tale and the gritty, dark, dirty and sometimes beautiful reality.

Trapped.

To escape the trap he had kissed Kurt.

_Arthur he does as he pleases_  
_All of his life, he's mastered choice_  
_Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy_

He had chosen Kurt.

_If you get caught between the moon and New York City_  
_The best that you can do_  
_The best that you can do is fall in love_

And if he had chosen Kurt, he knew Rachel would choose New York.

When they were done, Blaine jumped up from the piano and walked down to the edge with a grin. "So?" he asked Rachel. "What did you think?"

Rachel looked to Mercedes and back to them. "Look you guys," she said. "Despite your valiant effort, I just…" she hesitated slightly. "I'm not ready to go back."

Blaine looked at her and his eyes dipped. He could feel Kurt's gaze on him. And he knew exactly how Rachel felt. Choosing where you belonged was a lot easier than being ready to go back.

* * *

**From Walter to Kurt: So I was thinking that maybe we could go out again on Friday? Someplace a little more romantic than Breadstix?**

**From Kurt to Walter: I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sorry, I just...**

He just what? He just was still in love with someone else. He just kissed the love of his life again and had to wait? Had to see what would happen.

**From Kurt to Walter: I don't think it's fair to you. While I'm still hung up on my ex.**

**From Walter to Kurt: Well if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. And if things change, I'm here.**

**From Kurt to Walter: Thanks. I hope you find what you're looking for.**

**From Walter to Kurt: I hope you do too.**

* * *

When Brittany had called him she knew he would come. Blaine would do anything for Santana, especially this. And right now he had to calm the gorgeous girl in red who was pacing backstage of the auditorium trying not to have a panic attack.

"Hey," Blaine said gently but when she ignored him and continued, trying to shake her hands free of nerves, Blaine went over and grabbed them. "Hey," he said firmly and she finally stopped, looking up at him. There was terror in her eyes. "You can do this," he told her. "No matter what happens we're here for you."

"I just," she took a breath and she blinked back tears. "She's my Abuela. I don't know if I can lose her twice, you know?"

"I know," he said and he gathered her in his arms. He probably knew better than anyone how hard it was to watch the people you loved walk out of your life. "But you won't be losing her twice. All you can do is try, and if she walks away again then that's her loss, not yours." He let her go but kept her hands in his. "Brittany loves you Santana. In a way that the rest of us can only hope to love and be loved someday. Hold on to that."

"Thanks," she said with a smile.

"It's time," Kitty ran over to tell them.

Blaine kissed Santana on her cheek. "I love you."

She smiled and with her head held high, she walked center stage. Blaine set himself behind the scrim with everyone else. His eyes rested on Kurt, standing facing forward in front of him. _All you can do is try, and if she walks away again then that's her loss, not yours._

As he watched Santana sing, he'd never been prouder. He knew the courage it took for her to put her heart on the line to forgive. He'd been doing it his whole life. Could his heart stand doing it one more time?

When they finished he stepped off the stage, but he didn't follow the rest to the choir room. Instead he came around to the downstage wing and he watched, holding his breath. Praying that Santana's grandmother would come around.

_"You taught me not just to exist because I'm worth so much more than that. And without Britt, I just exist. She's the love of my life-"_

Blaine's heart clenched and he turned. And came face to face with Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt whispered.

Blaine tried to hear Kurt over the echo of Santana's words. "Hi," he answered.

"Can we…?" Kurt cocked his head out the door and Blaine nodded, giving a last glance to Santana, hand in hand with Brittany, before following him into the hallway.

"I don't…" Kurt started, and Blaine could see how hard this was for him. "You keep coming back here for things and…I don't want it to be weird. Between us."

Blaine lowered his eyes. "I don't want that either Kurt," he said quietly. It was hard to even look at him, but he forced himself. "But you all are my friends, Rachel and Santana are important to me so when Mercedes and Britt called-"

"Blaine I'm not telling you not to be here for them," Kurt said quickly and Blaine let out a strangled laugh of relief. "They're already talking about another performance for Santana and Brittany and going to Mr. Schue's after…" Blaine hated that this was so hard. That there was once again this wall between them that they'd managed to knock down for the length of one kiss. "I just…I want you to know that no matter what, you still belong here. With us. Even if it is with Karofsky by your side."

Blaine bit back the wry smile that was pulling at his lips. He didn't think he'd get Dave in a room with Kurt any time soon. He wasn't even really sure where he stood with Dave anymore. "Thank you Kurt. That means a lot to me."

"We're family, all of us," Kurt said and the words still pulled at Blaine's heart. Family. Home. Belonging. They always sounded so empty except when Kurt said them. But maybe that's what being soulmates meant.

"Well, then," Blaine said. "Let's go see what our family has planned next."

* * *

It was only a week ago that Blaine had stood in the bedroom doorway, watching Dave pack a suitcase on the bed. Last time it had been for him. This time it was Dave's.

He tried to think of something else he could say to make this right. But everything had already been said.

He went out to the living room, grabbed his keys and his wallet and left without another word.

The road from Lima to Westerville was starting to feel like a worn out path, tread on so frequently back and forth that he could travel it with his eyes shut. He was late for the party already so he stopped on the way for a bottle of sparkling cider. He really needed something stronger but neither his driver's license nor his good sense would allow him that. Drunk and Kurt would not even come close to going well together that evening. He wasn't even sure that just Kurt would go well.

**From Kurt to Blaine: Planning on getting here tonight or…?**

**From Blaine to Kurt: Almost there.**

He was nervous the whole way up. He was wondering if it was really possible for someone's heart to beat out their chest. His head had been spinning for so long now, emotions swirling so much he thought he might pass out. When Kurt answered the door though, he couldn't help but smile.

"Hey," he said and Kurt welcomed him in with a hug.

Looking away was hard. Walkng away was harder. Blaine took a deep breath.

He was ready to go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes it feels like a rollercoaster, but loving someone is just staying on the ride with them. No matter the twists and turns."
> 
> Me and Glee. Stay tuned to see how I reconcile the next episode.


	10. Transitioning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this episode really threw me. I had a very hard time with Kurt. So please forgive me if certain parts of this chapter don't meet my usual standards. I did my best.
> 
> A note on next episode: Pamela Anderson does not exist for me. Blaine's parents will stay his parents. I am grateful to have been able to get to the final 5 episodes with my backstory still firmly in place. Just like with Cooper, I will rewrite. I'm sure you won't mind ;)

Dave stood in the bedroom and watched Blaine walk out the door. His suitcase lay on his bed, half full along with his foolish hopes and unrealistic expectations. He knew Blaine loved Kurt. He'd always known Blaine loved Kurt. The way his eyes lit up whenever the man's name was uttered was a sure tell.

And yet Dave had stayed. No, he hadn't just stayed. He'd jumped in. He'd embraced Blaine. He'd knowingly and willingly joined him for the ride because getting a chance to be even a little part of that was exciting for him. Maybe it was his point of transition from childhood to adulthood. Maybe it was his way of letting go of the past. Maybe it was his way of looking for real forgiveness from Kurt in some strange, vicarious, transactional way.

Dave unpacked his bag. He put his clothes back in the drawer and put the suitcase away. He grabbed himself a beer from the fridge and the remote from the couch and he sat back to watch a game.

Blaine found him that way when he returned from the party at Will's. There was an empty bottle of beer on the table and one half full in Dave's hand and Dave looked up at him, a small smile on his face.

"Hi," Blaine said, shocked into place by the sight. But Dave didn't miss the tiny grin that played at his lips. "I didn't expect you to be here."

Dave knew that. And it warmed his heart that even so, Blaine had returned home alone. "I shouldn't have flown off the handle like I did," he said, flashing a sheepish grin. "I guess I'm not very good with jealousy."

Blaine let out a breath. And he closed the door and curled himself up on the couch next to Dave. "You shouldn't be jealous," he said and it was the truth. "I mean I get why you are-"

"We'd be crazy to let anything Sue Sylvester does decide the course of our lives," Dave said. "And I was wrong, to judge you and make rash decisions based on a kiss that she forced."

Blaine rested his head on Dave's shoulder and Dave pulled him back against his chest. He gently kissed his boyfriend atop his head. "Let's just forget it and move on," Blaine said. "Kurt has. I have." Blaine was quiet a minute and Dave just held him. "I'm glad you're still here. I didn't…I'm glad you didn't leave like that."

Dave held him close, just breathing him in while he could. He was glad he hadn't left like that too. Blaine deserved a better goodbye.

* * *

"Kurt! Hey Kurt?" Kurt stopped in the middle of the McKinley High hallway, turning back to see Sam jogging toward him. "Hey dude, did you hear that Rachel's house was sold?"

Kurt looked at Sam curiously. "Um, no. I hadn't. Why do you know before me?"

"Oh well…" Kurt wondered why Sam looked guilty. "She was talking about it in the teacher's lounge-"

Kurt rolled his eyes and started back off to the choir room again. "I don't know how you two go in there honestly," he said. "Feels like stepping into enemy territory."

"You know you're a teacher now, right Kurt?" Sam said. Kurt stopped and stared at him, that scary stare that made everyone shrink away. "Okay, anyway, I was thinking that we should throw Rachel a party at her old house, kind of a going away party except the house is the one going away, not Rachel, but you know what I mean."

Kurt's scary look tempered. "I think that's actually a good idea."

"Great!" Sam said. "So I was gonna ask everyone to meet in the classroom later today. Is it okay if I invite Blaine?"

"Sure," Kurt said far too quickly. "Why wouldn't it be okay for you to invite Blaine? I mean, it's not like he's not here every day anyway."

Sam narrowed his eyes. Sometimes it was hard to tell whether Kurt was serious or joking. "Okay then," he answered carefully. "So I'll meet you there at 5 after Glee and football?"

"Sounds like a plan," Kurt said. And as Sam walked away, Kurt took a breath and sighed. And then he started hatching his own plan. Because if he couldn't escape Blaine being around, he ought to at least make it fun.

* * *

It had been Kurt's ideas for the duets.

It had been Artie's idea for the wheel. Kurt spun it, testing it out.

"So what do you think?" Artie asked everyone, a proud grin on his face.

"I think it's great," Kurt said as he sized it up. The order of the names. The weight of each spoke. The pressure it took to just tip it over the edge.

Blaine barreled into the room with the police tape he'd charmed from the Westerville police station. Kurt quickly took his finger from the wheel.

"Here," Blaine said as he tossed the tape to Sam. "No alcohol. We're teachers, we can't be seen as serving alcohol to minors."

"You're a spoil sport Blaine," Sam said.

"Okay, so we need to figure out what the lesson of the week is going to be," Kurt said. "How about Growing Up?"

Blaine wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "No, all I can think about is Peter Pan and I know it's your favorite Kurt," he added quickly before Kurt could get out the words on the tip of his tongue, "but I don't think it's quite what we have in mind."

"How about metamorphosis?" Mercedes suggested.

Artie immediately started singing.

_I've been so wrapped up in my warm cocoon_   
_But something's happening, things are changing soon_   
_I'm pushing the edge, feeling it crack_   
_And once I get out, there's no turning back_

_Watching the butterfly go towards the sun_   
_I wonder what I will become_

_Metamorphosis_

"It scares me that you know Hilary Duff," Sam muttered.

"And apparently you do too," Artie snapped back.

"I have a little sister, what's you're excuse?"

"I think it's a good idea," Blaine shrugged, putting a halt to the argument. "You could all do Rolling Stones?"

"I don't think this group is much into Rolling Stones," Kurt said pointedly.

"How about transitioning?" Sam suggested. They all looked up at him. "You know, like Coach Beiste? And the rest of us too, we're all kind of in this place of change? This is like, Rachel's transition."

Kurt looked at Blaine out of the corner of his eye and smiled. "I think it's perfect."

* * *

It had taken just the slightest of touches to have the wheel land on Blaine's name.  Kurt had thought it through that much.  Song choice was something entirely different.

"So I was thinking of maybe _Count on Me_? Bruno Mars?" Kurt suggested, holding his tablet with his playlist while he tucked his phone under his ear.

"Actually," Blaine said carefully. "I was looking at Betty Who. _Somebody Loves You_."

"Oh," Kurt answered and he hoped his voice wasn't really as breathless as it sounded in his head. "Isn't that a little, I don't know, romantic?"

"I don't think it has to be," Blaine said. "We could think of it as a love letter to Rachel."

Kurt laughed. "Well, that would be just perfect, wouldn't it? The second coming of the Rachel Berry House Party Extravaganza and you're singing a love song to Rachel?"

Blaine laughed too. "Wouldn't it have been funny if she'd actually somehow doctored that bottle to point at me?" he suggested, far too innocently. "You know, just slightly tipped it over the edge when no was looking?"

Kurt's breath hitched and he was extremely glad that Blaine couldn't see him. "Yeah," he said, knowing for certain now, if he hadn't before, that Blaine knew. "Totally funny."

"Kissing Rachel Berry," Blaine said, his voice reminiscent. "Trying to figure out who I was while still trying to figure out how to stay in my parents' mold. That was our first fight. You were so mad, remember that?"

Kurt's smiled faded and he looked down at his lap. He hadn't been mad, he'd been jealous. And so stubborn, even then. "Yeah, I remember."

"Talk about transitions…" Blaine said, but he trailed off.

Kurt wished he knew what Blaine was thinking as the silence dragged on. Hell, he wished he knew what _he_ was thinking. One minute he was completely ready for them to get back together and he was certain that Blaine was too. And then-

"Oh Dave just got home," Blaine said and he could hear rustling in the background. "I'll email you the song breakdown if that's okay with you?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, his heart twisting in his chest. "That's fine."

"See you Friday, we'll run through it once quick before we perform!"

Kurt hung up. He fell back on his bed. He had to be careful with his heart. Ready or not, Dave was still in the picture. And Kurt didn't really like the idea of his ex-bully being a part of breaking it one last time.

* * *

He waited. His lips pressed into Kurt's and Blaine waited for a repeat of the elevator, for sparks to fly and music to play and for Kurt to open himself up to him so he could lose himself in the passionate touch and taste and feel of the only man he'd every truly loved.

But Kurt didn't kiss him back. Kurt. Didn't. Kiss. Him. Back.

He pulled away, his heart aching, his guilt crashing down and he suddenly felt like the biggest fool in the world. Thinking that a song actually meant something. Thinking that Kurt cheating the wheel to sing with him had actually meant anything more than that their voices blended perfectly. He'd been so stupid, so childish, and he'd betrayed Dave for nothing and the only thing he could think of to do was the one thing that he had always done.

He ran.

Thank god he'd been late and had to park out of sight and he managed to get in the car and drive a block away before the tears were running so heavily down his face that he had to stop.

Kurt loved him. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Kurt loved him and it should have been enough. But Kurt didn't seem to _want_ him anymore. Not like that.

Because every time he tried, Kurt pulled back. He still had up that wall, the wall that had been up since the first day they'd met. The wall that no matter how much he loved Kurt he couldn't ever seem to knock down.

* * *

Kurt didn't move. As Blaine's lips hit his all he could think was that in only a few hours Blaine would be waking up next to Dave to go to some football game. What exactly did Blaine think was going to happen here? What exactly had Kurt thought was going to happen here?

This was what he'd wanted, right? What he'd spent days planning? The flirty duet and the walk down memory lane? To earn back Blaine's trust and affection? To get Blaine to fall in love with him all over again?

Then why did it suddenly feel so wrong?

_It's all fun and games. Until it's not._

The words popped into his head, a whisper on the wind of memories blowing through the night air. Kurt rejecting Dave. Sebastian rejecting Dave. And now this. He realized that kiss wasn't just playing with Blaine's feelings, and this wasn't the elevator, free from responsibility because what choice had they had? No, this time _he'd_ been the one to manipulate Blaine. Sure Blaine had known it, but Kurt had done it without a single thought to the consequences.

But Dave was at home, waiting for his boyfriend to come back. For Blaine to come back to him.

Kurt couldn't say a word because he didn't have any when Blaine pulled away and all he could do was watch Blaine run as he had watched so many times before, more times than he could count.

He sat down on the curb, unable to get himself to go back inside. His head was spinning and his heart was just trying to stay in one piece and he didn't even notice when someone walked up behind him. But Sam must have noticed him missing because he came and silently sat down beside him.

"He kissed me," Kurt said, his arms wrapped tight around himself.

Sam knew it was what Kurt wanted. What they both had wanted. He also knew what it was like to be torn between two people he loved and to love someone he couldn't have. He knew that timing was everything.

"You know, Rachel has this bulletin board full of pictures in her room. All the memories from high school. But there's not a single picture of Finn up there." Kurt turned to look at him, but Sam was staring out into the darkness. "When I asked her why she said she'd taken them all down when she'd gone to New York and she had them tucked away in their own album. She said when she took it out and let herself fall into the memories, it was almost like he was still here. That _they_ were still here. So she was careful with them, she said." Sam looked at him, his eyes somewhat sad. "She didn't let herself linger for too long."

"Blaine's right here," Kurt said. "All the time. I can't choose when to take the memories out and when to lock them away. I don't even know that I want to."

Sam let the words fall in the silence. He knew what they meant. But it didn't matter that he could see what was staring them both in the face. They needed to see it, in their own time. "Rachel and I are gonna go out Monday night. Breadstix. Before we come back for Beiste's thing. Come with us?"

Kurt laughed and shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm not crashing a date with you and Rachel. Being a third wheel is even worse than being alone."

"Then don't be a third wheel," Sam said. "Sure that Walter guy is kinda old but if anyone knows the benefit of dating someone older it's me. And well, Puck. And Quinn. But anyway, Walter seems like a nice guy and we won't judge, I promise. So bring him and we can get to know each other better. No pressure."

Kurt thought about it. Whatever was going on with him and Blaine needed to wait. Blaine had to settle things with Dave before either one of them could really move forward, if that's even what they both wanted to do. And Walter had said he could call. To talk. Or for other things. As long as Kurt was honest with him…

Besides, Kurt really needed to see this thing between Sam and Rachel up close and personal.

"Okay," he smiled. "If Walter's in then I'm in."

"Is it weird for you? Me dating Rachel?" Sam asked. "I mean, it kind feels like I'm dating your sister and I need your permission."

Kurt squinted over at him. "Yeah. It's weird," he said, but then he shrugged. "But other than that Brody psycho, Rachel and I pretty much have the same taste in guys. So I really shouldn't be surprised."

He smirked at Sam and Sam laughed. "Dude, I had almost forgotten that you had a crush on me once."

"Almost?" Kurt said, raising a brow.

"Yeah, almost," he grinned, nudging him in the shoulder. Sam stood up and reached a hand out for Kurt, who let himself be pulled up. "Now why don't we go back inside and give Rachel's home the send-off it deserves. Some more singing, some more dancing-"

Kurt nodded. "Some more alcohol," he said. "A lot more alcohol."

* * *

It was like walking through a fog. The whole way home from the party Blaine tried to figure out what to do, how to explain this to Dave. He hadn't meant to get lost in the memories, he hadn't meant his heart to leap when Kurt talked about wanting to kiss him. He hadn't meant to want to scream when Kurt said Blaine hadn't felt the same way about him because he had, he always had.

He always would.

Blaine slipped into bed, grateful that Dave was already sleeping. He looked over at him so peaceful, so trusting. Even after everything that had happened, Dave hadn't asked him not to go to the party, he just politely declined, kissed him sweetly and told him to have fun with his friends. The last thing in the world that Blaine wanted to do was hurt him.

In the morning at 5am the alarm clock rang. He got up, took a shower, had breakfast and hoped that he just needed time for the fog to lift. For the feelings to recede and everything to go back to normal. He just needed to be with Dave, cheering together in the stands for their team.

But instead he remembered a day long ago when he and Kurt had sat beside one another watching another football game, and the fog grew stronger.

On Sunday he and Dave went out to lunch with his parents and his mind flipped back to other lunches, the hard ones with tensions deep and the easy ones with talk of glee club and West Side Story and how delicious his mother's food was. He remembered that without Kurt he wouldn't be here right now, _they_ wouldn't be here right now, together and happy. Kurt had changed his entire family. Kurt had saved them all.

Was that all Kurt was mean to do in this lifetime? Rescue Blaine and his family from a lifetime of pain, show them what love truly was and then leave? It didn't seem right. It didn't seem fair.

He was supposed to go to therapy on Monday but he cancelled. He knew he should go but he also knew that going would mean letting go and he wasn't ready to do that. Because he wasn't sure who or what he was supposed to let go of. Was he supposed to let go of Kurt and the idea that they would ever be together? Was he supposed to let go of Dave and hurt him? Dave had been nothing but sweet and kind and yes he'd been upset about the elevator kiss but that was understandable and he'd stayed anyway because he'd realized that they truly hadn't had a choice that time. This time though…

He'd had the choice. Blaine had the choice and he thought Kurt was giving it to him and he took it. He stole it from Dave and he took it from Kurt and now what was he left with? He really couldn't face answering the question. He wasn't ready to answer that question.

So he went to the football game with Dave on Monday instead and grocery shopping after and he tried not to think about that time that he and Kurt had put the groceries away singing _You Make Me Feel So Young_. And he stared out the window wondering, as he had lying in bed day after day in the New York loft, if living without those kinds of moments would ever truly feel like living. Thinking about it he could barely even breathe.

"Okay, what?"

Blaine's heart jumped. He turned. Dave looked angry and Blaine panicked. He wasn't ready. "Uh, what's what?" he asked with a forced nonchalance that wasn't fooling anyone.

"Whatever _it_ is that you've been staring into space over for days. I mean, you've said like two words."

For a moment Blaine felt like it was one of those moments as a kid, caught having done something wrong and his father was staring him down, knowing the truth but forcing him to tell before he pronounced his sentence. And the only thing he could think of to do was what he had always done then. Apologize. Lie. Hide. "Sorry," he said defensively.

"Something happened that night at Rachel's party," Dave pressed. "Didn't it?"

The lies slipped from Blaine's tongue as if he'd been doing it his whole life, because he had. "I sung a duet with Kurt. Okay?" He tried to blow it off, make it seem like nothing but in order to do that… "It was Rachel's idea, it was a silly Glee club thing, I don't even know why I haven't told you about it." He shook his head, sitting down. Hoping that Dave would just accept the answer and not ask anything else. He didn't need to know it had been Kurt's idea and not Rachel's. He wasn't ready to admit he hadn't told him because it had led to so much more.

Dave though wasn't buying it. "Why would I be upset that you sang a duet with Kurt? I mean, you guys don't stop singing, that's not it."

Dave leaned against the counter. And Blaine looked at him, his own heart breaking because he knew it was over. He knew this was the moment where he would hurt a person that had come to be very special to him. And there was nothing Blaine hated more than hurting the people he loved.

But he couldn't talk. Because the only words that would come out of his mouth were more lies that he didn't want to tell. So he just shook his head, nearly imperceptible but louder than any words he might have spoken.

"Oh man." Dave looked down at the counter.

"Dave-" he said and he nearly told him that it didn't mean anything. But he found that was one lie he couldn't actually tell.

"Just tell me one thing," Dave said and his voice was resigned. "Did he kiss you? Or did you kiss him?"

Blaine shook his head. Because in the end he knew it didn't matter. It wouldn't have mattered. He would have kissed Kurt either way.

"I knew it," Dave said, pulling away, walking away, needing space. And Blaine took the moment too. The last time he'd told Dave he'd kissed Kurt, Dave had packed a bag. This time Blaine knew that he'd be the one leaving and this time it would be no one's fault but his own. "I guess I was lucky to get a couple of months in with you."

Blaine looked up at him. "What does that mean?"

"It means you still love him. You never stopped. Ever since Kurt came back to Lima there's been this ticking clock hanging over us." Blaine wanted to say that he was wrong. But he couldn't. He'd always known. They all had always known. "Time's up."

"I'm sorry Dave, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, it's okay," Dave said and he sounded like he truly meant it. "I know. I…no hard feelings okay?" Dave walked back over, hands stuffed in his pockets, but a small smile on his face. "And you know that clumsy fat-ass Craig? He tried to slip me his number at the game."

Blaine laughed. Eyes wet with tears, he laughed. "Look. There's a whole world of guys out there waiting to be my rebound," Dave said. Blaine looked up at him. He was the lucky one, to get a couple of months in with Dave. "Go." Blaine's brow furrowed and he shook his head, confused. "It's okay. Go. Tell Kurt."

Blaine's eyes opened wide and panic set in. Because as much as he had wanted it, Dave had been a safety net, a place to fall if Kurt rejected him. But now that was gone. He would tell Kurt that he and Dave were broken up and that he loved Kurt and if Kurt said no there was no place left to fall. Now his heart truly raced, terror and anticipation and hope rushing through his veins. He got up and he went to the door, lost in the fear when Dave called back to him.

"Uh, just do me a favor?" Dave said and Blaine turned back. "Don't sing it. Just say it."

Blaine looked at him, the man he'd shared so much pain with the last few months. And he rushed over, into his arms and kissed him warmly on the cheek, thanking him. For everything.

Blaine walked out the door, closing it behind him. And behind that door he tried to leave his fears and insecurities, his anger and betrayal and hurt, so much hurt. Because he loved Kurt. And whatever it was that they needed to figure out, they could figure it out together. There was no one else he wanted to figure it out with.

He didn't even remember driving to Lima, he only remembered getting out of the car, running down the halls of McKinley to catch Kurt before he left for the day, to tell him that he loved him and he forgave him and they would knock down their walls together.

But Kurt wasn't alone. He was with Walter and Blaine couldn't just say it. Instead he lied and he watched them leave and he walked back to his car with no idea where to go. Words came back to him. Words that Kurt had spoken so long ago:

_"We are one hand, one heart. When your heart breaks, mine does too. And when your heart heals, mine grows even stronger. And when we fight, we fight as one. We're in this together. And I will never, ever, let you forget again."_

Blaine looked up into the sky, finding the first star to twinkle back at him. And he made a wish.

He made a wish for Kurt to remember.


	11. Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first thing I want to do is thank RIB, for giving me amazing characters, amazing storylines, and incredible space to build my own world. Darren and Chris for making me fall in love with these characters. And you. For reading and letting me bring you this story and make my own canon.
> 
> Thank you to my beta bowtiesandboatshoes who is responsible for one of my favorite scenes in this chapter. When I know there's something missing but can't figure out what it is, she is there.
> 
> Apparently, there was a line that was cut from the vows. "Roll away with me, Blaine." It references The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein. Thank you to the writer who I have to believe played that long game with Kurt because every piece of that book fits his story perfectly. I know Chris and Darren couldn't get through it, but for me it was perfect. If you don't know it, there is a wonderful YouTube video of it. Watch it before or after you read this chapter, just watch it. And whoever you are writer, this chapter is for you.

"The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein."

Kurt curled up on the bed in his mother's arms. The sun was just setting. He hated having to go to bed in the summer when the sun was still out and there was so much excitement that could still be had, but at least he had his Mom and one of his favorite bedtime stories.

" _It was missing a piece_ ," she read, squeezing him tight. " _And it was not happy. So it set off in search of its missing piece. And as it rolled, it sang this song:_ "

 _It_ was a little pac-man like ball, adorable but broken. Kurt looked up at his mom and smiled and they both rang out in their beautiful sopranos to the tune they had made up before Kurt even remembered. " _Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece, I'm lookin' for my missin' piece. Hi-dee-ho, here I go, Lookin' for my missin' piece_."

Kurt laughed and his mom kept reading. " _Sometimes it baked in the sun, but then the cool rain would come down._ " Kurt smiled like _it_ did, at the thoughts of himself lying in the backyard on a hot, hot day, a summer shower raining down on his face to cool him. " _But then the cool rain would come down_ ," she repeated. Then Kurt looked at the picture of _it_ sad and alone and nearly melted when it didn't stop raining. Sometimes it made him want to cry.

" _And because it was missing a piece it could not roll very fast so it would stop to talk to a worm, or smell a flower and sometimes it would pass a beetle, and sometimes the beetle would pass it, and this was the best time of all_."

"Why was it the best time mom?" Kurt would ask, looking at the picture of the butterfly landing on its head. Kurt would always ask.

"Because it could just explore and be and see all the beautiful things around it," she said and Kurt imagined.

Kurt imagined being an adult, out in the world exploring, seeing all the beauty around him as he looked for his missing piece.

" _And on it went, over oceans. Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece_ ," the two sang again. " _Over land and over seas. So grease my knees and fleece my bees. I'm lookin' for my missin' piece._ " The singing was Kurt's favorite part, but then he quieted to listen to his Mom continue. " _Through swamps and jungles, up mountains, and down mountains. Until one day, lo and behold!_ " She turned to Kurt and smiled. "You sing it."

Kurt sat up and grinned. " _I've found my missin' piece, I've found my missin' piece, so grease my knees and fleece my bees._ "

"Is it really his missing piece?" his mom asked.

"Nope," Kurt said sadly and he sat back as she read.

" _'Wait a minute'_ _said the piece._ _'Before you go greasing your knees and fleecing your bees. I am not your missing piece. I am nobody's piece. I am my own piece. And even if I was somebody's missing piece I don't think I'd be yours!_ '"

 _"'Oh', it said sadly. 'I'm sorry to have bothered you' and on it rolled. It found another piece. But this one was too small. And this one was too big. This one was a little too sharp. And this one was too square. One time it seemed to have found the perfect piece, but it didn't hold it tightly enough and lost it._ "

Kurt sat up. "If I find my missing piece I'd always hold it tight," he said.

She looked at him and turned the page. " _Another time it held too tightly_ ," she read. " _And it broke. So on and on it rolled, having adventures, falling into holes, and bumping into stone walls. And then one day_ ," she read and her face lit up, " _it came upon another piece that seemed to be just right_."

Kurt grinned and clapped his hands. This was his favorite part.

" _'Hi,' it said._

_'Hi,' said the piece._

_'Are you anybody else's missing piece'?'_

_'Not that I know of._ '"

"That's because it's _its_ missing piece," Kurt shouted.

His mom laughed and kissed his head and kept reading.

" _'Well, maybe you want to be your own piece?'_

_'I can be someone's and still be my own.'_

_'Maybe I do.'_

_'Maybe we won't fit…_ '"

"They fit, they fit!" Kurt yelled, clapping his hands and bouncing up and down. He'd heard the story so many times, he knew they fit.

" _'Well…'_ "

 _'Hummmm?_ "

"Go ahead, try it, you fit!" Kurt urged the broken ball and the piece.

" _'Ummmm!_ " his mother read. " _It fit!"_

"Yay," Kurt cheered.

" _It fit! It fit perfectly! At last! At last! And away it rolled and because it was now complete, it rolled faster and faster. Faster than it had ever rolled before! The End_." His mother snapped the book shut and moved it away from him.

Kurt looked up at his mom. "Were you Dad's missing piece?" he asked, his eyes shining.

"Nope," she said with a mischievous smile and she leaned down and whispered in Kurt's ear. "He was mine," she said. She kissed him on the head. "Now go to sleep, tomorrow's another day."

Kurt snuggled under the covers, his pillow tight in his arms, knowing that he was just a broken ball, rolling along and singing, missing his piece.

But some day he would find it.

* * *

"Kurt, this wedding book is perfect with checklists and worksheets, etiquette, timelines!"

Kurt laughed. He had thought that he'd be more into planning this wedding than Blaine was, but it turned out that he'd been planning his own wedding for so long he was a little bit over the beginning stages. Blaine though, was just getting started.

"You get whatever you want Blaine," he said, picking up books set on display on tables just outside the wedding area. "A timeline might be helpful, since you're late for everything," Kurt teased.

Blaine just looked up and stuck out his tongue, but nothing could get him down. His eyes sparkled as he explored the stacks and Kurt couldn't help but fall in love a little bit more with his excitement. He glanced over to a table of children's books, a little bit of a subliminal message if you asked him, and he saw a book he recognized.

"My mom used to read this to me all the time," he commented absentmindedly as he picked it up. Blaine glanced over and smiled, but he didn't say anything and Kurt leaned against the book stacks, feeling almost like his mom was there with him. He turned the pages, smiling as he read the familiar words, but then his smile fell.

Because the story didn't end where his mother had ended it.

 _And away it rolled and because it was now complete, it rolled faster and faster. Faster than it had ever rolled before!_ That was where his mother had always ended the story. But he turned the page, and it went on.

_So fast that it could not stop to talk to a worm or smell a flower, too fast for a butterfly to land. But it could sing its happy song, at last it could sing 'I've found my missing piece.'_

_And it began to sing, 'I've frown my nizzin' geez, uf vrouond my mitzin' brees. So krease ny meas and bleez ny dregs, Uf frown…"_

_Oh my, now that it was complete it could not sing at all._

Kurt's heart stopped. If he believed that time could stand still he would have sworn it did right then. He looked up at Blaine, happy Blaine, his hazel eyes shining with joy, his lips moving as he excitedly shared some passage in the wedding book he was reading, but Kurt didn't hear him. He gave a tight smile and nodded and looked back to the page.

_'Aha' it thought. 'So that's how it is!'_

_So it stopped rolling and it set the piece down gently, and it slowly rolled away and as it rolled it softly sang, 'Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece, I'm lookin' for my missin' piece, Hi-dee-ho, here I go, Lookin for my missin' piece.'_

There it said _the end_ and Kurt felt tears well up in his eyes and the only thing he wanted was his mother by his side to tell him what it meant.

But he thought he knew what it meant.

"So what do you think Kurt, should we go with this book, or this one?" Blaine asked, nearly bouncing.

Kurt swallowed his tears and the lump in his throat and he forced a smile. "I think you should get them both."

* * *

As Blaine sat there crying across from him at the restaurant, Kurt couldn't help but see the tears of the missing piece as it was set gently down.

And as he stood in the rain outside the restaurant, singing his song once more, he couldn't help but feel that if it rained too long, he might melt.

And then he was alone. And it was still raining.

* * *

And then Walter had told him to run.

So he ran. He ran back to Blaine no matter how hard it was, no matter how hard it would be because letting go of him had been the biggest mistake of his life. And he didn't know why he told Walter he was going to the wedding with Blaine, all he knew was that he couldn't go with anyone else.

He was near tears when he got to Blaine's apartment, knocking before he could even think. His heart was racing. He thought he must look a sight but he didn't care. Only one thing mattered.

"Kurt!" Blaine said, opening the door. "Are you okay?"

"No," he said, and his hands were on Blaine immediately. "I'm not okay. Look, I love you. I still love you. And I know everything was completely messed up before, but everything's fine now, so will you go to the wedding with me?" Blaine was staring at him like he had two heads or smoke was coming out of his ears or… Kurt panicked. "I mean, unless there's somebody else," he said, looking around.

"There's no one else," Blaine told him and before Kurt could think Blaine was kissing him, fiercely, and all Kurt could do was grab hold and hang on.

Kurt had so many questions, his mind was spinning, but he couldn't think, he couldn't do anything except…

"Is the bed still here?" Kurt asked between kisses as his hand swept beneath Blaine's shirt and nearly ripped it and his bowtie right off. "Oh fuck it never mind, the floor is fine."

"Kurt are you-"

"Sure," he said, breathless but firm. "So sure."

Blaine wasn't going to ask twice. He moved away only to slam the still open door and then he was back, ridding Kurt of his vest and shirt with practiced ease and leading him down the hall to the bed, mattress empty, but still there.

"Wait no," Kurt said, his nose wrinkling. "Not where you…"

Blaine understood immediately and though there were boxes everywhere he pushed some aside to empty a space on the floor beneath the window. He quickly glanced around and found a blanket that he laid out. "Okay?" he asked, his voice nearly broken with desire.

"We should have just gone to your house," Kurt teased as he unbuckled Blaine's pants and pushed them down.

"Hey dad, Kurt and I are back together and we're just gonna go have sex in my room if it's okay by you," Blaine teased, loosing Kurt of his own pants.

"Shut up and kiss me," Kurt demanded dragging him down to the floor. And Blaine knew better than to argue with that.

* * *

Sex on the floor had been fine, but curling up in one another's arms on the floor was not quite as comfortable. Blaine convinced Kurt to move the blanket to the bed since neither one of them really wanted to be out of the other's arms for even a minute.

"So Dave's gone then I guess," Kurt blurted out, stating the obvious.

"The other day," Blaine answered softly. The room was full of an orange glow, the sun setting through the window. It was warm, and inviting. And freeing. "He said he always knew that you and I loved each other. He told me to go tell you. I ran from the parking lot to the choir room. That's what I meant to say, the other day. That I loved you. I always had. And I always will," he admitted.

"Walter did the same," Kurt said. "And I ran all the way here. I love you. I always had. And I always will."

"Why did we need other people to tell us?" Blaine asked and the question hung in the air and in their minds.

"I don't know that we did," Kurt finally said. "Maybe we just needed other people to remind us of what we already knew. Maybe the wall between us had grown too high to scale alone. Blaine, I'm-"

"I don't want to talk walls or regrets right now," Blaine said, nuzzling his nose beneath Kurt's ear. "I just want to remember you. Remember this." He climbed on top of Kurt, kissing his lips again and then making his way down. He didn't want to miss a single inch of Kurt's body. "You okay on the bed?" he asked quickly, looking up at Kurt from where his lips had just caressed Kurt's firm stomach muscles. "We could move back…"

Kurt leaned up on his elbows. "No," Kurt said, peering down at him with dark, determined eyes. "No we're gonna make some of our own memories in this apartment before you move out."

* * *

The jazz club was as warm and inviting as Blaine and Santana both remembered it. A soulful alto was singing on stage and the pair were welcomed with open arms and escorted to their old table.

"This is perfect Blaine, thank you," Santana said, settling in. "I'm so glad you weren't bringing me to some crazy surprise bachelorette party."

"I thought about it," Blaine smirked. "But strip clubs were out, and Scandals is just not a good idea right now and Breadstix seemed kind of lame. Besides," he said, taking her hand. "I wanted my best girl all to myself tonight. Before you belong to someone else."

"We both belong to someone else, and you know it," Santana smiled, her eyes sparkling even in the dark. "So tell me all about you and Kurt. Are you two actually officially back together?"

Blaine shrugged. "There's not really that much to tell. We haven't really talked about it or where we're going from here, but yes. We're definitely officially back together." That much they had decided. After they were both so spent they could barely move.

"Do you still want to marry him?" she asked. "I mean, if he wanted to would you want to?"

Blaine's eyes dipped, looking away, and he shook his head. "I don't know. I mean, of course I do, I just…" He looked at her, the girl who stood by his side when everyone else had left. "Do you remember when Mr. Schuester got married? And you and I were so for marriage and Britt and Kurt were so against it."

"If I recall, Kurt wasn't against it, he just wanted to wait," Santana reminded him.

"Maybe I should have just honored that," Blaine said, a wistful regret shining in his eyes. "I knew what he wanted even back then and I pushed and I put him in a position where he couldn't say no even if he wasn't ready. I don't want to do that again."

"Brittany had said she didn't believe in marriage because she didn't want to get up in front of everyone and make promises she might break," Santana remembered. "People change though. What someone thinks they want, isn't always what they really want."

"I guess we've learned as we get older that promises are always broken," Blaine said. "But the world doesn't end when they are. We just get back up again and keep walking."

"That we do boyfriend," Santana said and she leaned her head back against the seat with a smile. "That we do."

* * *

"Dad it's okay," Blaine said for the hundredth time, this time on the phone while his father was on his way south to the army base in Edinburgh, Indiana. He and his mom were headed north to Shipshewana. "You can't help having training. Santana forgives you for not being there. It's not like I'm the one getting married or anything."

He looked out the window, a soft smile gracing his lips. Santana had thought it was sweet that his Dad felt bad he couldn't come.

"Yeah okay, I will tell her," Blaine continued. "And yes, I'll make sure she gets the gift, I'm sure that will greatly make up for your absence," he teased. "Alright. Have a safe drive, we love you."

Blaine hung up the phone and he sighed, resting his head on the back of the seat. He would meet Kurt at the hotel, since the Hummels were going early to rehearse with Brittany and Santana. Not to mention Kurt seemed to be doing more wedding planning than Artie.

"So how are you and Kurt doing?" his mother asked as if she could read his mind, because so often she could.

"We're good I guess. I think. No I mean, we're good," he finally decided.

"Most of your time together hasn't been spent talking I guess," she smirked and he blushed and covered his face.

"Oh my god Mom, really?" he whined with embarrassment.

"But I'm right," she teased.

"I refuse to answer that question," he muttered into the hands hiding his face.

"Look, Blaine," she said in all seriousness. "When your father and I got back together, for a while we just pretended things were fun and normal. But there was still a lot of hurt there. A lot of things we needed to talk about. And to this day things will come up every now and then and we need to have those talks over and over again."

"How do you do it?" Blaine asked seriously. "Have those talks? You…" He stared down at his hands, shy and not wanting to hurt her. "You never really taught me how."

She glanced at him, reached over, and took his hand in hers. "Courage. Practice. Taking a breath when you need to. Sometimes the words are what's most important. Sometimes it's everything you can't say in words. But the biggest thing Blaine? Try. Don't give up. It's okay to walk away for a time. But never run."

"I'm through running," Blaine said and he meant it with all his heart. He just hoped that Kurt believed the same. But then he remembered something. Trust was a choice. And he made the choice to trust.

* * *

When Kurt had come to the wedding, marriage had been the last thing on his mind. But now everyone was staring at him; Brittany and Santana, Sue and Blaine.

Blaine who loved him. Blaine who had forgiven him and chosen to trust him again with his heart.

"This is crazy," Blaine was saying. "I don't know, I don't know, but…"

Blaine stood there, staring at him and Kurt was at a loss for words but Blaine said nothing. Because he knew it had to be Kurt's choice.

"But? But what?" And Kurt knew but what. But Blaine wanted to get married. But Blaine had always believed in them. But Blaine knew that they belonged together forever.

But Blaine had cried when Kurt had left him.

"Can we just…" Kurt looked at Brittany and Santana and Sue and then back to Blaine. Blaine was standing there waiting for Kurt's decision, terrified and hopeful and so unsure. "Can we have a minute? Please?"

Santana flashed a glance at Blaine as she and Brittany and Sue left them alone. And she knew that crazy as this was, it was right.

Left alone, Kurt was able to settle the panic. He didn't have to answer to anyone but Blaine. He didn't have to perform. He stood there and imagined himself standing next to Blaine at the altar, hand in hand, by his side for the rest of his life. And he realized, what he hadn't realized before.

"Kurt, we don't have-" Blaine started in the silence, but Kurt interrupted him.

"You once told me you were looking for me forever," Kurt said, his voice soft. Blaine was looking up at him as he always did. As he always had. "Well, so was I. My mother read me a story when I was little. The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein."

"I know it," Blaine whispered.

"I've spent my whole life feeling like that little broken ball, singing through my missing part. Always searching, but never forgetting to enjoy life around me." Kurt closed his eyes and swallowed back the tears. "And then you sang Teenage Dream. And there you were. I'd finally found you. My missing puzzle piece. I was complete."

Blaine smiled. "I felt the same way, you know I did."

"My mother never finished the story. She always ended it with them happy and rolling away and I didn't know. I didn't know until that day in the bookstore, do you remember?" Blaine shook his head. "You were going crazy over wedding books and I saw The Missing Piece on the table and I picked it up and read it and…"

Blaine was watching him, confused. "And what?"

And everything he'd ever believed in began to unravel. "I started to feel like we were rolling too fast. And I hadn't had enough adventures yet and I hadn't smelled enough flowers or talked to enough worms or seen enough butterflies. I got scared, thinking we were too young. I didn't know how to live without searching. And I…" This was the hardest part to admit. Because it was the part that hurt the most. "I started to feel like I couldn't sing my song anymore." He could see Blaine's face fall, could almost feel Blaine's racing pulse flow through his hands into Kurt's. Or maybe it was just his own heartbeat.

"And what do you feel now?" Blaine asked, his voice trembling.

Kurt knew exactly when he'd started to understand. It wasn't when Blaine had refused to take back the ring, or when he'd seen him with Karofsky or even the kiss in the elevator. It was when he put his finger on the spoke of that duet wheel and he'd made a choice he hadn't made since everything had happened so long ago with June. He chose to put his fear aside, and try, one more time, to sing together with Blaine. "I feel like the story doesn't end where the book ends either," Kurt said. "At least mine doesn't. Because if the only song I can sing is about not being whole, it's not a song I want to sing anymore."

"God, Kurt," Blaine whispered and when Blaine's lips found his, Kurt let go of the fear and he let Blaine in. Trusting that neither one of them felt anymore like love had to be smothering. They would hold tight enough not to lose each other, but not so tight that one of them broke. They could be each other's missing pieces and still be their own piece.

Blaine pulled away and Kurt saw him again as if for the first time. "What about you?" Kurt asked. "I mean, I broke your heart. You said you'd never forgive me."

"I have forgiven you Kurt," Blaine said, promising him with a hand to his cheek. "I knew for so long you were scared and we should have talked about it. I should have asked you why. I know we both thought that everything had to be perfect. That _we_ had to be perfect to make this work. But we don't, do we?" Blaine said. "Because I'm not perfect. And you're not perfect and even _we_ aren't perfect and we won't be. I have things I need to work on and you have things you need to work on, but there's no one else I ever want to work on them with. There's no one else I want to come home to no matter how mad we are at each other. There's no one who knows me like you do."

"There's no one that knows me like you do," Kurt agreed.

"And I don't ever want there to be anyone else," Blaine said. "You are my missing piece Kurt, and whether that means we roll together or we walk side by side, we don't ever have to be adventurous alone. We can do this together. If you say yes. You just have to say yes."

Kurt nodded without hesitation. He nodded and he pulled Blaine into his arms and he cried. He cried for the time that they'd lost, but also realizing that the lost time was a part of their story too. All of it. And it wasn't over, not even close.

"Yes."

* * *

"Santana." Blaine looked at his best friend in her wedding gown and she took his breath away. "You look gorgeous."

"I know I do," she smirked and she nudged his shoulder. "You don't look so bad yourself. Pretty nice suits Britt picked out for you two, I have to say." She looked at him, and she noticed his eyes and his fingers shifting, jittery. "You okay?"

"I'm getting married Santana," he breathed.

She gave him a lopsided smile. "Yes, boyfriend, that's generally the idea of a wedding."

"No, Santana." His eyes were dark and serious and distant, and for a moment they scared her. "You and Kurt and Brittany, you've been planning your weddings your whole lives and I'm sure they look different than you ever thought they would, but you've all always believed it was possible." The pain in his eyes broke her heart, and she wished that she could go back in time and change everything about his childhood. "I grew up knowing who I was and I never let myself believe that this was possible. And I wanted it. I wanted it for myself and for everyone around me, and I feel a little bit guilty that we get to do this today while others still can't but, Santana," he said his eyes brightening and she took his hand when he reached out for it. "I'm getting married today. We are all getting married today. Officially, legally, married."

"Yeah," she said, her crooked smile returning. "We are."

"Thank you, Santana," he said and her heart swelled. "For always being with me, through everything. Through all the tears and the pain and the beautiful moments too. For dragging me out of bed not once but twice and for being the one who taught me that I could live without him. So I could live with him."

Santana welled up and she had to brush away a fallen tear before she started to speak. "Blaine, I wouldn't be standing here today if it weren't for you. If you hadn't come over on the hardest day of your life and told me to get out and dance. If you hadn't recognized me in you or put your number in my phone. If you hadn't told me that I wasn't alone. If you hadn't told me to hold on."

"Neither one of us would be standing here today if we hadn't had each other." Blaine leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Don't tell my family but there's no one I'd rather walk down the aisle with than you," he whispered.

"Come here," she said. She opened her arms for him and he accepted her embrace. In so many ways, this was the perfect end to a perfect beginning.

They heard their cue and Santana held out her arm. "I think we have to go marry the loves of our lives."

Blaine took her arm, turned front and smiled. And together they took the first step toward the rest of their lives.

* * *

It was almost the last dance of the night. They'd been celebrating for nearly three hours, half the room was drunk and the other half were nestled in small conversations. Blaine had danced with pretty much everyone he could have; Kurt, his mother, Carole, Brittany and Santana. He danced with Tina and Rachel and even Sam once. Kurt was whispering to him what he wanted to do that night when they returned to their hotel room, when he stopped talking and his eyes went wide. The whole room quieted. And Blaine's gaze shifted to where they all looked.

Blaine stood up, nearly at attention. He looked down at Kurt who shook his head, then over to his mom, who did the same. And then he looked at Santana. She gave a sly shrug of her shoulders, smiled, and tears filled his eyes.

He turned back to the man walking the aisle the same as he and Kurt had done. But Blaine came around from the table and met him halfway. "What are you doing here Dad?" he asked breathlessly.

His father, standing in his service uniform, white shirt, dark blue bowtie, looked up at the dais, from Santana to Kurt then back to Blaine, and he smiled. "I would never miss your wedding Blaine."

Blaine let out a wet chuckle. "Well you almost did," he pointed out with a smile. "All that's left is the final dance."

"How about we add one extra first?" his father asked.

Blaine could barely see Kurt through his tears when he turned around, but that was okay because Kurt couldn't really see him either. He almost missed the Colonel go over to the band and whisper a requested song. Blaine turned to him curiously, but his father just raised his arms. Blaine took a breath. He raised his own but he froze for a second before their hands could touch, for one moment believing as soon as he did that he'd wake from the dream. But then he realized that it couldn't be a dream because _this_ was something he'd never even dreamed of. He took a step forward, put an arm on his father's shoulder and held his other hand. As the music started, his father whispered, "I hope you understand."

 _An only child alone and wild_  
_A cabinet maker's son_  
_His hands were meant for different work_  
_And his heart was known to none_  
_He left his home and went his lone_  
_And solitary way_  
_And he gave to me_  
_A gift I know I never can repay_

"Dad, I just…" Blaine was surprised at how hard he was finding it to put his thoughts into words. "I can't believe you drove all this way."

"That's why I knew I had to come," John said. "I would never, ever, want to miss your wedding son. And the best way for me to repay you for everything you've given me, was to be here for you."

"Five years ago I never would have even believed-"

"I know," John said softly and he pulled Blaine into his arms. "I know."

 _A quiet man of music_  
_Denied a simpler fate_  
_He tried to be a soldier once_  
_But his music wouldn't wait_  
_He earned his love through discipline_  
_A thundering, velvet hand_  
_His gentle means of sculpting souls_  
_Took me years to understand_

The room watched the men in awe, but for Kurt and Amy and Santana, for Burt and Carole, their tears were unstoppable. From Blaine's coming out to the Sadie Hawkins dance, to the moment on the stairs and all the moments in between and after, to here…

For those who understood what they were seeing, there wasn't a greater miracle that day.

The song was written to be from a son to his father. But they all knew, that today, it went both ways. Blaine had changed his father as much as his father had changed him.

 _The leader of the band is tired_  
_And his eyes are growing old_  
_But his blood runs through my instrument_  
_And his song is in my soul_  
_My life has been a poor attempt_  
_To imitate the man_  
_I'm just a living legacy_  
_To the leader of the band_

"It's true dad, you know," Blaine said. "I wouldn't be the man I am today if it wasn't for you. Everything that happened, the good and the bad, it's a part of me. It's a part of the song that I sing, just like Kurt's mom is a part of the song he sings. I am your legacy."

"I wish I could have understood earlier-"

Blaine though shook his head. "Kurt and I thought we had to be perfect, before we could make this work. And then I thought of you. And mom. And I realized, it's okay, to be a work in progress. _You_ showed me that it's okay to be a work in progress."

 _I thank you for the music_  
_And your stories of the road_  
_I thank you for the freedom_  
_When it came my time to go_  
_I thank you for the kindness_  
_And the times when you got tough_  
_And, papa, I don't think_  
_I said, "I love you" near enough_

"I love you son," the Colonel said. "More than I have ever loved anyone in my life."

Blaine wiped his tears and let out a wet laugh. "I won't tell Cooper."

John laughed as well. "No don't. I'd never hear the end of it."

"Trust me, he's already gonna kill me because he's not here," Blaine pointed out.

 _The leader of the band is tired_  
_And his eyes are growing old_  
_But his blood runs through my instrument_  
_And his song is in my soul_  
_My life has been a poor attempt_  
_To imitate the man_  
_I'm just a living legacy_  
_To the leader of the band_  
_I am the living legacy_  
_To the leader of the band_

"I love you too Dad," Blaine said, clutching his father, holding him tight. "More than I ever thought I could."

"More than I ever deserved," John said and he gently slipped out of his son's arms. "Now I missed everything else. Don't make me miss you dancing with your husband."

* * *

Blaine danced in his husband's arms, his head resting on Kurt's shoulder, right where he belonged. He had never in his life felt better than he did that day. He had meant what he'd said in his vows. Kurt knew it. As a kid he had honestly never believed that he would ever be worth loving. And that doubt, that fear, it had pushed true love away over and over again. It had made him seek it, wherever he could. And it nearly cost him Kurt.

And yet here he was, in Kurt's loving arms. Everything had been worth it. Every moment. The pain and the joy, every tear and every smile. Every word that had ever been shouted or whispered. Every blow that he and Kurt had ever taken. Without them, they wouldn't be here now. Without the bullies and the friends, their mothers and their fathers. Without the brothers who had left them and the one that had returned. Without their voices and their songs. Without their adventures and their falling and their bumping into stone walls. Without the flowers and the beetles and the butterflies. Without the ones who had been too small and too big, too sharp and too square. Without holding too tight and not tight enough.

Without every single moment he would not be here, having found true love; a best friend and a husband to grow with and learn with and fight with and make love with forever.

"I've found my missin' piece," Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear. "I've found my missin' piece, so grease my knees and fleece my bees."

Kurt looked at him, his eyes bluer than Blaine had ever seen them. And with a smile he whispered, "I've found my missing piece."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leader of the Band by Dan Fogelberg - If you don't know it, take a listen. It's absolutely beautiful.


	12. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So this was my quick attempt at a honeymoon chapter.

"If you ever repeat this to anyone Blaine Anderson I will completely deny it, but for once Sue Sylvester has come through," Kurt said.

The private jet sent by Andrew Sullivan's estate was gorgeous. Mahogany leather chairs that Kurt had immediately luxuriated in, a fully stocked bar from which their tall glasses of champagne had come, fresh fruit, leather couches and another fully stocked…

"Uh, Blaine?" Kurt had the top of the couch's arm rest open and was staring inside. Blaine came over to find it nearly over flowing with condoms and lube of every kind, not to mention a plethora of toys the boys had only ever looked at online.

"Hmm," Blaine hummed with definite interest, searching through it for a second before Kurt glared at him and slammed it shut. Blaine saved his fingers at just the right moment. "You," Blaine said, pulling Kurt into his arms and down onto the couch, "are a spoil sport."

Kurt looked over his shoulder. "I am far from a spoil sport, husband." He curled up comfortably in Blaine's arms. "I just prefer knowing exactly where my sex toys have come from."

Blaine laughed and pulled him close, kissing him on the head. "Husband. Do you know how much I love the sound of that?"

"Is it as much as you love the sound of me saying _sex toys?_ " Kurt asked, a smile still on his lips as he closed his eyes. The whir of the engines and the lightness of the air was making him drowsy and they laid quietly in one another's arms for a few minutes.

"Any regrets?" Blaine asked softly, almost nervously. "I know it wasn't the wedding you wanted. The best of everything in New York City, being center of attention, one of a kind tuxes, not a stack of hay in sight."

"I had everything I needed," Kurt answered. "You, my dad marrying us, Carole, all of my friends. And the suits weren't couture but we looked pretty handsome anyway," he smirked. "We still sang _Come What May_ for our first dance and it meant more now than it ever would have before. I have no regrets." Kurt pulled Blaine's arms around him tighter and rested his head on Blaine's bicep. "I'm more worried about you. You didn't have your father, your brother, any of the Warblers."

"Except my father did come," Blaine said, his voice still full of wonder at that fact. "He gave up work to come and he danced with me and between that and you and walking down the aisle with Santana, it was enough." Kurt turned and looked at him. Blaine's golden eyes shimmered with tears. "It was more than enough. It was as perfect an elopement as one could get."

"Can I make a confession?" Kurt asked nervously. "Without you getting mad at me?"

"You can tell me anything Kurt," Blaine promised.

"I'm kind of glad Cooper wasn't there. Not because I don't love your brother because I do," he added quickly. "But, I just…I'm glad that Santana walked you down the aisle instead of him. Just because…"

Blaine turned him around and kissed him softly, not needing Kurt to say the words. Because Blaine had always known the absence of Finn was one of the many things that had made the wedding planning difficult for Kurt. Kurt leaned in and deepened Blaine's kiss, soft and slow, grateful for the understanding and certain that the feel and the taste of Blaine's lips were things he would never grow tired of.

"And now we're going to spend the weekend in the home of the man who could arguably be considered the pioneer of marriage equality," Blaine grinned excitedly.

"And who describes himself as a conservative who backed Arnold Schwarzenegger," Kurt grimaced.

"But supported Barack Obama," Blaine pointed out.

"Okay, Blaine," Kurt said. "I love you and I know that staying at Andrew Sullivan's Provincetown cottage is going to totally get your political rocks off, but-"

"Those aren't the rocks you want to get off, are they," Blaine teased into Kurt's ear. Before Kurt could even form a semblance of a response, Blaine's hand was brushing down his leg, reaching to give Kurt exactly what he wanted. "Where is joining the mile high club on your bucket list, Kurt?" he whispered.

Kurt sighed and pressed himself up into Blaine's hand. "I think it definitely beats arriving at school in a hot air balloon."

Blaine opened the arm rest, pulled out a few items, and coaxed Kurt to turn over in his arms. "Let's find out for sure."

* * *

Provincetown was everything Kurt and Blaine could have imagined and more. All of their lives in Ohio they had been told that New York City would be this mecca of love and acceptance and a place where they could be themselves and show their affection without fear of attack. It hadn't taken long before they understood that all the talk was just a dream of years to come when hopefully it would be as true as the myths said. But Provincetown. There the myth was real.

A car had brought them from Provincetown Municipal Airport to the Sullivan beachfront cottage and it had been everything that Kurt and Blaine had hoped for. Stocked with food for the weekend, and everything else they could possibly need, they quickly ate, unpacked, grabbed the not so subtle flyers for the Provincetown's Men's Weekend they were miraculously just in time for, and then headed out into the city. The first thing they were struck by was the smell of the sea in the air, something that was far different from the grass in Ohio or the fumes of New York. The second thing that struck them though was the number of men, decidedly gay men, holding hands in various states of dress despite the early November chill in the air. There were kisses against buildings, and in the sands of the beach and they knew that it was heightened more than normal because of Mens Weekend, but they still had never seen anything in their life like it outside of the clubs and HBO television shows.

Blaine turned to Kurt and held out his hand. "Shall we, husband?"

With a grin, Kurt pressed his palm into Blaine's and swung their arms between them. "Yes, we shall."

They explored the shops in the center of town, everything they could have possibly imagined. There were art galleries and jewelry stores with gorgeous bracelets that Blaine couldn't stop himself from trying on. Antique stores were full of pins that Kurt fell in love with and Kurt could barely drag Blaine out of Muir Music and then Ptown Spin. With all the money they were saving on their honeymoon, money they knew could now be used for their future, they couldn't help but splurge a little. And after the first afternoon on the Cape, they had their hands full of souvenirs and gifts and more than necessary additions to their wardrobes.

"We should go back to the house and take a nap," Blaine said, tugging Kurt's arm. "We want to be wide awake for 70's disco night tonight at Club Purgatory."

"Going to disco night will be exactly like being in Purgatory Blaine, you cannot tell me that's what you want to do the first night of our honeymoon."

Blaine smiled and turned to Kurt, pressing him up against the ice cream shop they were passing by. Pressing himself into Kurt against the brick wall. Outside. In the bright, sunlit open air. Where everyone could see them. "You know what disco does to me," Blaine whispered, leaning in close until his breath was hot on Kurt's quickly flushing skin.

"Blaine-" Kurt whined but Blaine didn't stop. He nibbled on the most sensitive spot beneath Kurt's ear and he dragged his teeth along his skin until they were tethered onto Kurt's ear lobe where he could pull gently. "This is what you've always wanted, isn't it?" Kurt asked breathlessly, not sure if the racing of his heart was fear or excitement. He guessed it was a combination of the two. "Mauling me in public."

"Showing the world that you're mine," Blaine growled and Kurt pushed him back before his husband got completely carried away.

"I think they know now," he said, looking around, but aside from some girls passing by smiling adoringly at them, no one else cared. "But let's get back before you show them exactly _what_ is yours."

"Saving that show for Sunday night's Leather Party?" Blaine teased.

Kurt's blush quickly returned, but as he grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him back toward the cottage, he couldn't deny it. "You know me too well."

* * *

The lights were blinding, the music was blaring, the smell of sweat permeated the air and men in even less clothes than earlier were spread out playing John Travolta all over Club Purgatory. There was probably more drinking and drugs going on than dancing and Kurt wished they hadn't found those two perfectly doctored fake IDs that had been left for them on the coffee table.

Blaine's smile was as bright as the sun. "I want to stay here forever," Blaine yelled.

Kurt wanted to be as excited as he was, but his patience was waning. "I think your cost-benefit ratio is going down quickly," Kurt informed him.

"Married only a few days and already you've turned into a grownup who says cost-benefit ratio?"

"Cost: you and me dancing to disco all night long. Benefit: me wanting to fuck you." Blaine raised an interested brow but Kurt's next words made it drop. "Ratio: going down minute by minute."

Without a word, Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and dragged him out of the club, their newly purchased disco clothing clinging to their sweaty bodies in the cold November air. "Is it going up again yet?" Blaine asked.

"Not in this cold," Kurt smirked and they ran all the way back to the cottage.

Blaine lit the fire while Kurt made them coffee and together they curled up on the bearskin rug, soaking in the heat. "Better?" Blaine whispered.

"Perfect," Kurt said, leaning back against his chest.

Blaine kissed him softly on the top of his head. "It's still not really sinking in," he whispered, one arm wrapped warmly around Kurt's waist. "We're actually husbands. Do you think Brittany and Santana are thinking the same thing on their beach? Married. It doesn't seem real."

"For years we've been creating incredible production numbers with barely a rehearsal," Kurt said. "This kinda feels like that."

"Was it too quick?" Blaine asked, suddenly nervous, and Kurt turned to face him. "I mean, to anyone watching it probably seems crazy."

Kurt put his coffee down and pulled Blaine's hands into his lap. "I have loved you since the moment I set eyes on you. November 9, 2010. And here we are. Two days shy of four years later. We've been through everything Blaine but I really just think that means that we can get through everything else. If we trust each other."

"I trust you Kurt, I swear I do," Blaine said.

"I won't run again Blaine," Kurt said softly. "I promise."

"I won't let you, if you won't let me," he answered and he leaned in, kissing him, proving himself in the kiss. "Those production numbers are almost always flawless you know," Blaine smirked.

"You know what they've always got?" Kurt asked. Blaine raised a brow. "Passion."

Blaine grinned. "Oh we've got passion," he said and he slowly guided Kurt to the floor. "I've got more passion than I can show you in one night."

Kurt smiled up. "Then it's a very good thing that we have the rest of our lives."

* * *

Kurt woke up, the sun streaming in through the window. He could hear the seagulls calling, and the rising tide lapping just outside their door. He looked around. Blaine wasn't in the bedroom and he didn't hear him in the kitchen. He quickly washed up in the bathroom then put on the silk robe and slippers left for them and padded his way out.  He found Blaine in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch facing the ocean, a pencil and notebook in hand. Kurt made them both coffee, then brought it out, handing one to Blaine and sitting next to him in the empty chair.

"Thanks," Blaine said, taking a sip. "God, this coffee is delicious."

"I take no credit, Mr. Sullivan has excellent taste." Kurt peered over at Blaine's notebook, not wanting to pry if it was private, but curious. "What are you doing?"

"Just writing," Blaine said. "I woke up and I couldn't get these words to stop running through my head, so I thought if I wrote them down…"

"Can I see?" Kurt asked. Blaine handed them over, keeping his eyes shyly focused on the distant horizon and the waves crashing. Kurt looked down at what Blaine had written and his eyes began to water.

_Have you ever felt like you woke up on the wrong side of your heart_   
_Has it ever felt like it's broken – like the world tore it apart?_   
_Have you felt so weak you could hardly stand_   
_Like if you ever fell you could never tell if you'd ever get back up again?_

"Blaine, this is beautiful," Kurt said.

Blaine bit his lip and closed his eyes. "There were moments, at the loft, after you were gone, I really didn't know…"

"It was easier for me I think," Kurt said slowly, "to just go back to what I'd always known. To forget how it felt to be loved like you'd always loved me. It felt like it was safer to go it alone. It was stupid of me though."

Blaine looked over at him, eyes squinting in the sun. "Why?"

"Because you were always there. No matter what. Every time I tried to let go, you were there to remind me to hold on." Kurt took Blaine's hand, as he had so many times before. "I don't just mean this time, I mean before…you have always believed in us."

"You were the one who taught me how to hold on first Kurt. All that time at Dalton. You were the one that taught me I was strong enough to make it through anything. Even losing you." Blaine looked back out at the ocean, his hand in Kurt's leaning his head against Kurt's shoulder. "I hear the music in my head. I just don't know the chorus."

"You will," Kurt said. "When it's time it will come to you just like the rest. And in the meantime, I have a surprise for you for lunch, so we should get up and shower and take a walk on the beach before our reservation."

"Reservations and everything?" Blaine grinned. "Fancy. When did you manage that?"

"You forget I'm a ninja. Now come on," Kurt said before he bolted from the chair. "Last one in the shower stands outside the spray."

* * *

They should have known that in the home of Andrew Sullivan the shower would have spray all around. And they should have known that a simple shower would stretch into two hours of luxury and love making. So the walk across the beach ended up being fairly quick. Blaine gathered seashells as he went and Kurt complained of the sand in his shoes and neither really minded the view that Men's Weekend in Provincetown brought them, so they happily walked until they reached the center of town.

It turned out Kurt was sort of lying about the reservations. Blaine knew it the minute he turned the corner on Bradford Street, and was pointed to the Far Land Provisions to find Nick and Jeff leaning against a pole waiting for them.

Blaine might have screamed.

"Oh my god!" He rushed over and into Nick's waiting arms, reaching over to pat Jeff on the shoulder as well. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Your husband," Nick said pointedly, "was kind enough to let us know you would be in the state. And _we_ were kind enough to remind him we'd been promised a very special table with our names on it at your wedding. Which clearly didn't happen."

"So I promised them a very special table here instead," Kurt grinned. "Come on."

"Gosh Kurt, I can't believe you did this for me," Blaine beamed.

Kurt led them inside the restaurant and to a table that really did have the names Nick & Jeff written on a placard at the center of the table.

"Well you guys have to tell us what you're up to!" Blaine urged, as excited as a puppy greeting visitors at the front door. "How's school? How is dating? What are you guys doing?"

Nick and Jeff updated them about their not so glamorous lives at Harvard and Boston University. Nick was a proud member of the Harvard Krokodiloes and Jeff of the Bostones and both were dating but no one serious. Besides, there was something they were far more interested in.

"What's going on with the Warblers?" Nick asked.

Blaine gave a quick glance to Kurt, but his husband and rival merely shrugged his shoulders. "They're really good this year, but a little unfocused. There was this invitational at McKinley and New Directions won-"

"Well that's just because they had home court advantage," Jeff reasoned.

"Maybe," Blaine said and he and Kurt both knew it was completely true, even if Kurt would never admit it. But they also both knew that Vocal Adrenaline had earned the trophy. "Vocal Adrenaline was amazing too. They're leaderless now though, so unless they get someone amazing in, maybe they'll just crash and burn."

"Well there will be no crashing and no burning at Dalton," Nick said definitively. "Sorry Kurt, but the Warblers are gonna come out on top this year because Blaine's leadership is the best thing that's ever happened to them."

Blaine blushed. And Kurt simply smiled adoringly. "Man," Blaine said before the waiter came over. "It's really good to see you guys again!"

* * *

The air was crisp as the chill swept off the ocean. Kurt and Blaine said goodbye to Nick and Jeff who had to head back to Boston, and together the newlyweds walked the length of the beach front trail to the Race Point Lighthouse. There were no signs but they were given directions by one of the nice older couples they'd met at the piano bar. They were warned it was a long walk, but they weren't in a hurry. Hand in hand, Kurt and Blaine would walk their whole lives together. An hour to the lighthouse they had dreamed about for years was only one tiny, wonderful moment.

Typically there were tours only twice a month, but a quick retelling of their engagement and wedding story had the lighthouse keeper nearly in tears with the romance of it all and he let them have all the time they wanted. Outside the lighthouse the stone stood tall and proud and inside they went to the very top where the view of the sea and the shoreline was incredible. They were lucky enough to be able to watch the sun set from inside wrapped in one another's arms before starting back.

As true darkness came upon them, Blaine laid down just off the sandy trail in the grass crunching slightly beneath him with the budding frost. His arms tucked underneath his head, Blaine stared up at the sky, at the millions of stars and perfect constellations shining down on them on that beautiful evening. "Look at them all Kurt," he said. "Look how many dreams are out there."

"Don't you mean wishes?" Kurt asked, smiling down at him as he sat beside him. Kurt loved everything about Blaine but one of the most endearing was the fact that no matter what life threw at him, he never stopped dreaming.

"Wishes seem so much in someone else's hands. Dreams though are something you can grab hold of."

_Only if you don't run away from them,_ Kurt thought, but they'd both made promises to stop running. "So what dreams do you see?" Kurt asked.

"You and me. Happy. Healthy."

"How very generic of you," Kurt said, lying down and resting his head on Blaine's chest.

"Oh really Mr. Hummel Anderson?" Blaine teased. "Then please, tell me what amazingly non-generic dreams you see."

Kurt looked up. Constellations he could not name shined down on him, and lying next to the love of his life, in them he saw a beautiful future. "I see you and me, living in New York. Everyone knows our names. Starring on Broadway or touring. Television, movies, fashion, music. Whatever it is, wherever we go, eyes follow."

"Well of course they do," Blaine said, tracing his fingers along Kurt's arm, so much stronger than when they'd first met but no less gentle. "You're beautiful. Everyone looks at you. You're everything I've ever dreamed of and more Kurt, you always have been, from the moment I met you."  Blaine paused briefly. "I just wish I could be-"

"You are Blaine," Kurt said, hitching up on his elbow to look down at him. Blaine's eyes were glistening, heavy with memories. "Always. Even when I'm too stupid to realize it."

"Stubborn, not stupid," Blaine said, pulling him in for a kiss. Kurt rested back on his chest and Blaine imagined it, lying in their backyard or on their penthouse terrace. Except it wasn't just the two of them. "You know what else I dream of?" he said wistfully.

Kurt hugged him close. Because he knew it very well. "Children. Raising a family with love." Blaine kissed his temple. "And I want that too Blaine, I promise, it's just…"

"I got the wedding before thirty? I shouldn't press my luck?" Kurt didn't have to say anything, he could feel Kurt's smile as his thumb tickled Blaine's chest. "I know there's so much you want to do before. It's a deal."

"We should probably get back," Kurt said reluctantly. "Last thing we want is to get lost on Cape Cod in the darkness."

"Hmm…" Blaine hummed, not getting up but instead kissing Kurt deeply and shifting on top of him. "I don't know if that's the last thing I want at all."

"We're gonna miss the sing-a-long and the underwear party," Kurt reminded him with a grin.

With his own grin, Blaine slid his hands down from Kurt's side and pressed their hips together. "I prefer a private no-underwear party myself."

* * *

They slept in on Sunday, their last full day on the Cape. They'd be leaving Monday morning. It seemed daunting, going back, and neither one of them really wanted to face it. There were so many decisions still in limbo. They hadn't even really decided on names or where they were going to live.

Blaine was the first to wake and he took full advantage of dishes and food and appliances he might not be able to afford for many years to come and he luxuriated in a piping hot cup of coffee while he cooked Kurt a gourmet breakfast. He found two trays and he loaded them with crepes and fixings; fruits, jams, chocolates and whip cream. Bacon lined each plate and along with their coffee he brought Kurt's tray first, then his own. He kissed his husband gently on the forehead.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Blaine said and Kurt muttered and tossed and turned before the succulent scent of breakfast forced his eyes open.

He stretched and sat up and finally focused on the feast Blaine had brought him.  "Wow, Blaine that looks divine." Blaine lifted the tray to place it over Kurt's lap.

He went around to his side of the bed with his own tray and snuggled back under the covers. "You know how much I love breakfast in bed," Blaine said, and Kurt did know. He knew Blaine loved it just a little too much sometimes.

"Yes, I remember it well," Kurt said.

"Happy November 9th," Blaine said, kissing him gently. "Four years."

"Is it strange to have an anniversary so soon after we get married?" Kurt asked.

"No, I think it's perfect. The more days to celebrate the more breakfasts in bed," he teased.

"Only problem when we get home is, where exactly _is_ bed?"

Blaine frowned. He knew this talk was coming all weekend. He'd put it off. But it was one they had to have and waiting until they were back on the ground in Ohio seemed less than smart. "Well," he said carefully. "My stuff is all back at my parents' house now. And your things are all at your dad's."

"We still have the loft in New York," Kurt reminded him.

Blaine knew that not going back to New York was not an option. He still couldn't help the rush of anxiety that flowed through him at the thought. "You're still in Lima though, at least until winter. And I have a full year contract with Dalton."

Kurt frowned. These were the things he'd let fall to the back of his mind when he'd said yes in that barn. These were the details that haunted him and set his heart racing with fear and made him want to run.

Blaine could sense it and he quickly grabbed Kurt's hand. "Talk to me Kurt. That's all you have to do is talk to me."

"This isn't like before," Kurt started, his fork sifting pointlessly through the jam he'd spread on his crepe. It was easier, talking about this without looking at Blaine. Someday he'd get better at that. It was about time he met Blaine's therapist anyway, he thought. "We're married. I don't want to be separated. I mean, it's one thing if it's for tour or some fashion show or something when we've made it, but…for New Directions and the Warblers? I guess I'm just not okay with that. Not if we really want to make this work."

"Oh Kurt, I don't want to be separated either," Blaine assured him. The very idea felt horrible to him. "And I'm fine with commuting from Lima if I have to, I mean, my car can practically drive the commute itself I've done it so long now."

"We can find an apartment," Kurt promised. "As soon as we get back. As long as we're not living with Rachel and Sam because I can't go through that again," he laughed.

"And if I have to leave Dalton for you to go back to NYADA I will," Blaine said, with a sense of urgency. "It's not ideal but we'll make it work, whatever we have to do."

"Whatever we have to do," Kurt echoed and he grabbed Blaine's hand, took a deep breath, and smiled. "Whatever we have to do. I can take a semester off if Dalton wins sectionals. NYADA can wait if it has to. We're in this together from now on Blaine. You and I."

"Either we fly together or we don't fly at all," Blaine said softly.

Kurt gave him a bright smile. "We are _so_ gonna fly."

* * *

Blaine thought he was doing well with the silver studded leather jacket he wore but his breath escaped his body and he wondered if it would ever return when he saw Kurt in his sleeveless leather vest, chains, leather cuff and leather gloves.

"Holy fuck," Blaine managed to utter.

"Little bit better than disco night, eh Blaine?" Kurt smirked.

"I don't think we should leave," Blaine said, grabbing Kurt around his waist and pulling him toward him. Kurt's leather against his skin sent shivers through his body. "I think the leather party should be as private as our no-underwear party. Or maybe we should have a leather no-underwear party."

"Who says I'm not?" Kurt said with a wink as he twirled out of Blaine's arms. "You wanted to maul me in public Blaine," he teased. "Here's your chance." Kurt tucked his ID and some money in his inside pocket and he opened the door, stepping outside onto the porch.

Blaine's eyes followed Kurt as he watched him walk away. He sucked in a breath and bit his lip. "Best. Honeymoon. Ever."


	13. Rise Above the Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god guys, we're so close to the end and I haven't written the finale yet!! Send help.

They had intended to go back to Blaine's parents' home for his things as soon as they landed in Columbus, but neither Kurt nor Blaine were ready for their honeymoon to end. So they spent another few days in the city, going to the theater and just walking around, reminiscing about the trips they'd taken with their friends during their short time together at Dalton. They called up Burt and made sure it was okay for them to stay at the house until they found their own place. Burt reassured them that it was and when they were both ready to get back to regular life, they headed back to Westerville.

"Blaine you really can't take that much from here," Kurt said, going through the boxes Blaine had packed up from the apartment shared with Dave. "It's not like there's that much room at my Dad's. As soon as we get an apartment I promise we can come back for your things."

"I know Kurt," Blaine said searching through one particular container. "There's just a few things I don't ever go without, you know that," he said.

Kurt did know that. Tucked away in a small little case, Blaine held mementos that would mean little to other people but meant the world to him. Ticket stubs from various shows. Sequins and feathers left over from Pavarotti's casket. Some of the confetti from the proposal. A Dalton tie that he'd kept even while his blazer hung in the Warbler's Hall at Dalton Academy.

Kurt grabbed the two suitcases full of clothing that he'd packed for Blaine and as soon as they were both done they made their way down the stairs.

"Are you boys sure you won't stay for dinner?" Mrs. Anderson asked.

Blaine kissed her sweetly on the cheek.  "No Mom, Burt and Carole are expecting us."

"Well go say goodbye to your father," she said and nudged him into the living room where his father was watching the news.

Blaine did as his mother said and sat down next to his dad. Every other goodbye had felt like the final one and yet it never had been. This one would be. "Don't be a stranger," Blaine smirked up at him and his dad wrapped his arm around Blaine's shoulder.

"That should be my line," the Colonel said.

"It's nice to beat you to it for a change," Blaine laughed.

_"We interrupt this story for breaking news. Firefighters are battling a four-alarm fire at the historic Dalton Academy in Westerville, Ohio-"_

"Oh my god," the Colonel whispered.

"Kurt!" Blaine screamed.

* * *

Kurt had insisted on driving. Blaine was shaking too much, tears falling since he'd seen the flames shooting from the roof of his beloved school on the news. They weren't allowed close, they got to the edge of the distant parking lot where all the students and teachers had been evacuated. Blaine had hoped, prayed, on the way over that the blaze had looked bigger on television than it would in person, but in fact it was the opposite. Red and orange and thick black smoke colored the sky and it would have almost looked pretty if it hadn't felt like every piece of Blaine's heart was burning up with it. Only Kurt's hand in his kept him on the ground instead of floating into the sky with the flames. Kurt's hand and the Warblers huddled around them, finding him like a flock called to their leader. There wasn't a dry eye amongst the boys, clinging to one another and their blazers as if it was all they had left of the only place where they'd ever truly belonged. Blaine couldn't help but step toward the building. He wanted to feel it. He wanted to feel the fire and the heat. He wanted the acrid smoke to fill his senses. He wanted to taste the ashes on his tongue.

He wanted to see his blazer, torn free from its glass enclosure inside those hallowed halls, float away into the sky.

* * *

"Come to bed Blaine," Kurt called softly in the darkened bedroom. Blaine had been sitting in Kurt's chair, staring out the window as if he could still see the flames shooting over the Westerville sky even from as far away as Lima. He'd been quiet the whole drive home and Kurt had given him the space he needed. Kurt loved Dalton too but he knew how much more the school had meant to Blaine. It had saved him. It had protected him. It had been his safe place to fall when even Kurt had turned his back on him. Dalton had always been there for Blaine, even in its darkest moments. Until today, Dalton had been the most loyal thing in Blaine's life. Kurt respected that. He also knew that it was time for him to assume that responsibility.

"Blaine," Kurt called again and this time Blaine turned, blinking as if it was the first time he'd heard his husband. "Come to bed sweetheart? Please?"

Wordlessly, Blaine pulled himself away from the window and crawled beneath the covers, automatically resting his head on Kurt's chest. The rise and fall reminded him that while the world had changed dramatically that night, this had stayed the same. Kurt was here. Alive. Holding him. And he was safe. It had never been the building that had protected him. It had always been the people in it. Blaine was trying very hard to remember that, but it was hard.

"I want to go back," Blaine whispered and Kurt kissed him softly on the forehead.

"We will," Kurt promised. "I have to stop by McKinley tomorrow and check on the glee club, especially with Rachel out of town and Mr. Schue in charge, but then we'll go back, I promise."

"Do you think it's all gone?" Blaine asked and Kurt knew the two places that mattered most.

"The fire would have had to spread awfully far to get to the chapel," Kurt said. "But the main building? The staircase? Yeah," he sighed. "I'm pretty sure it's gone." Blaine started crying again, even though he wasn't sure how there were still tears. Kurt pressed his hand against Blaine's heart. "It's here," Kurt told him. "Every moment, every memory. I remember it clear as day. Teenage Dream. The proposal. It's in our hearts, fire can't destroy that."

"I wanted to take our kids someday," Blaine cried softly. "Show them where we met."

"Maybe they'll rebuild," Kurt said, not sure they really would or not. "But even if they don't, we have so much of it in pictures and video. They'll know Blaine," Kurt promised him. "Our kids will know where they came from."

"What do you think is gonna happen to the Warblers?" Blaine asked. "Do you think they're going to send everyone home? Combine with Crawford Country Day?" Blaine laughed wetly. "The boys would probably like that."

"Not all of them," Kurt smirked. He hugged Blaine tightly, not feeling like he could get close enough. "I don't know. But I maybe have an idea, if everyone else will go along with it."

"What's that?" Blaine asked.

Kurt turned to his husband, brushing wet curls off of his forehead. Even red with tears, he was still the most beautiful person Kurt had ever met. "McKinley and Dalton are great rivals," he said softly. "But put us together? And we are stronger than we ever were alone."

Blaine leaned in and kissed Kurt with all the love in his heart. "Yes we are."

* * *

Blaine had texted the Warblers on their way over. The boys who hadn't gone straight home were being housed in the outermost dormitories at Dalton as well as one of the dorms emptied out at Crawford. The Warblers had managed to stay together in Harrison Hall. The tears had mostly stopped but in their grief the pacing and fighting had begun.

"We can still perform," Skylar was arguing. "They can't kick us out just because we don't have a school."

"What do we have left if we don't have the Warblers?" Everyone nodded. "The show must go on, right?"

"You're right," Kurt said, quieting them all. "The show must go on. And sometimes it must go all over the place too," he said, a sad smile on his face that Blaine shared. "We've checked with the rules board and you can't perform as members of Dalton Academy anymore while the school isn't in session. But there's another alternative."

They all turned to Blaine. "What's he talking about?"

"The New Directions would like to welcome us to McKinley," Blaine explained. "Join forces. If you're willing."

"New Directions will be stronger with the Warblers by our side," Kurt said, taking Blaine's hand. "Trust me."

"You just know you can't really beat us-"

"Maybe that's true," Blaine said stopping that line of thought immediately. "But they will definitely beat us if we can't compete. And maybe together we can stomp Vocal Adrenaline into the ground."

"I don't know," said Skylar. "I mean, where are we gonna sleep? Are we gonna have to enroll there? Is that even possible?"

"Look, leave the logistics to us. You guys talk amongst yourselves. Call your parents. We'll be back in a little while," Blaine said, getting up with Kurt. "There's no right or wrong answer here guys. So just, take your time. It's your decision. Let us know what you think when we get back."

Kurt and Blaine left them talking, knowing that if it were either of them they would choose to perform anywhere and with anyone rather than give it up. But it had to be their choice and it had to be one they made with their parents. So they walked down to the dormitory lobby and made their way out onto campus.

The air was thick with the sweet, bitter smell of smoke. Close to the sealed off main building the ground was scorched, but near the edges the grass was still green, only wet with the run-off from the multitude of fire hoses. Kurt knew where Blaine was headed and together they made their way to the chapel that had belonged more to Blaine and Nick than it ever had to Kurt.

Kurt knew Blaine needed a few minutes to himself. "I'm just gonna make a quick phone call, I'll meet you inside, okay?"

Blaine nodded and with a kiss to Kurt's cheek he walked quietly inside. It was often empty but today there were others, finding solace in the one place on campus that was whole and meaningful. Blaine went to the front, knelt, then stood again and lit one of the many candles left out for prayers. When he walked back to an empty seat in the pews he remained silent, but he pulled out his notebook, the one he'd written in during his honeymoon. And words he hadn't been able to find before came pouring out.

He was lost in his thoughts when Kurt finally sat down next to him. Blaine closed the book and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. "You know I imagined us getting married here?" he said.

"Yes, I know," Kurt said lovingly. They'd talked about it often enough. "Somehow life seems to take a million different turns you never even knew were around the corner."

"Guess we don't have to worry about me commuting here from Lima anymore," Blaine said. "Or my contract."

Kurt took his hand. "I would have taken those hurdles over this one any day. You know that right?" Kurt asked him.

"The Dalton mask," Blaine whispered. "I would step onto this campus, into this chapel, and I would hide away from everything that ever hurt me. My father. You. It's strange. But I don't need that refuge anymore, do I? Because Dalton isn't home anymore." He turned to Kurt. "You are."

"Dalton was always an escape Blaine, it was never home," Kurt said. "You, your dad, me. We were all scared of home being a person because people aren't always safe, they hurt each other, they die. Buildings are supposed to stand forever. It feels safer. This just goes to show they're not. Nothing is perfect and forever. Everything is a work in progress."

"Do you think they'll rebuild?" Blaine asked, looking over at him. "A phoenix, rising from the ashes?"

Kurt smiled. "We did," he pointed out. "If they do too then Dalton will be stronger than it ever was before. Just like us."

* * *

When Rachel had left Lima for New York at the age of 18, she felt truly alive for the first time in her life. The sounds and sights and smells that were overwhelming for someone like Sam were exactly the sounds and sights and smells that made her heart beat with the excitement of her world just finally beginning. Then her heart had stopped beating. And with it the feel of New York changed for her. Instead of the bright lights she'd seen gray. Instead of hope she'd felt the thick haze of regret. And hard as she had tried, even the lights of Broadway couldn't help her shake it. She had hoped that a new world in Los Angeles could bring back the light.

It hadn't. Neither had Lima, not really. Mercedes knew that. All of them knew that, even Sam. She had come full circle, but a circle had no end. Where along the path was she truly mean to stop again?

She looked up at the doors to NYADA. She hadn't thought she'd ever go back, but Lima wasn't home anymore and Broadway wasn't beating down her door to get her to return. And with Kurt and Blaine married now, she knew that they'd be headed back to the city too and Kurt back to NYADA. Maybe this was the stop. Starting all over again.

She sat outside Carmen Tibideaux's door, her heart beating frantically in her chest. She wasn't sure why. She wasn't even sure this was what she wanted. But how many times could she fail? How many times could she be told no before she ended up trapped in Ohio, just as everyone had predicted. No, she had to keep every door open.

Until Carmen's door opened and she felt like fleeing down the street and back to Penn Station. But instead she took a breath, followed the assistant inside and sat down at the table across from the one person who she never could quite get a read on.

"Ms. Tibideaux, thank you for seeing me-" Rachel started but she was immediately cut off.

"What is it about you McKinley kids that think that you can just do as you please and still walk the halls of NYADA where only the greatest and most professional of talents walk?" the woman started.

"I…" Rachel closed her mouth quickly, and even she was surprised by the tears that came to her eyes. "Madame Tibideaux, I made a lot of mistakes last year. And I don't think it's fair to blame it on anyone or anything but myself. But I've learned a lot since then."

"Like what, Ms. Berry?" Madame Tibideaux asked, looking down at her with all the judgment of a Supreme Court justice.

"Well, I've learned that you have to take risks. But not every risk is the right one to take. Sometimes what seems like running towards something is really just running away. Sometimes mistakes burn bridges you just can't come back from," Rachel said, lowering her eyes. "I hope NYADA isn't one of those places. I don't know that I was wrong to take Funny Girl, but I was definitely wrong to leave the way I did. I was wrong not to listen to you. Maybe if I had, things wouldn't have gone so off-track."

"Well, Ms. Berry," the Dean said and for a second Rachel thought she could see in her eyes that she was moved by Rachel's story. "I can see that you're sorry and that you're humbled by your experiences. But I don't know that that's enough to bring you back to NYADA. We require dedication. Commitment. And I just haven't seen that from you in any of your endeavors. So I think that right now, it's better that you just get out of my office and think about where you really want to be in five years."

Rachel was stunned into silence for a moment before she shakily stood up. "Thank you," she said quietly. "For seeing me. And for your consideration." But before Madame Tibideaux could say anything else she bolted from the door.

But as she walked the halls she could see herself back there, back where she'd dreamed she belonged for so long, before her life had gotten so completely derailed. It wasn't Broadway and it wasn't Finn and it wasn't home. But it was a step toward the future. It was full circle. Maybe this time she could get it right.

* * *

"So, do you want to talk about it?"

Blaine followed Sam out of the teachers' lounge toward the gym. He wasn't entirely sure why Sam was so upset about Rachel's Broadway casting, but it was obvious he was.

"There's not really anything to talk about," Sam blew him off, pressing his shoulder against the door to open it. "Rachel's going to do what she wants to do."

"Yeah, but why is it bothering you so much?" Blaine asked. "I mean, I could understand if Broadway meant going and college meant staying, but chances are she's going back to New York either way and you're…well," he scrunched his face, not wanting to say the wrong thing, "you're not. Right? I thought New York was too big for you."

Sam sat down on the bench and looked up at Blaine. "I just don't want her making the same mistakes again I guess. Rachel's a lot like you, things are handed to her on a silver platter-"

"Well, I'm pretty sure my platter is fairly tarnished at this point Sam-"

"My point is, neither one of you ever really had to work at getting the things you want. Professionally I mean. And I'm just worried that if she goes right back to Broadway, she never will." Sam frowned as Blaine sat next to him. "I don't think I'm saying this right."

"Are you sure this doesn't have anything to do with Finn?" Blaine asked gently. "Because I don't understand where this is coming from."

Sam looked down at the ground and shook his head. "I don't know man. I'm sure it does in some way. He always believed that she could just snap her fingers and be a star. And yeah, I kinda think that too, but I also think there's something to working your way up. It makes you appreciate what you have more. So you don't just throw it away at the next big thing."

Blaine nodded and looked over at his friend. "And you?"

"I know I'm not the next big thing." Sam shrugged. "I'm the rebound. The guy that everyone's with before they truly find the man of their dreams. Do they have a name for that guy in all your soulmate stories?"

"No," Blaine shook his head. "But there should be one. You still think you're waiting for Mercedes?"

"I dunno. I'm sure she's out there, whoever she is, and don't get me wrong, Rachel is great and all and I love getting to know her like that, but come on. We all know it's not forever."

"She may not even get back into NYADA. Madame Tibideaux isn't a witch, but she sure as hell isn't an angel either," Blaine smiled.

"Did she really cut you herself?"

Blaine thought back. "I'm pretty sure. I was pretty out of it. But if I remember correctly the words _don't let me see you setting foot back on this campus_ were amongst other delightful language."

"Do you think you'll try to go back? When Kurt does?"

"I dunno," Blaine said, then he smiled. "I don't even know if that's a possibility. Let's see what happens with Rachel first."

* * *

Kurt could tell Blaine was angry after they got home from McKinley. Dinner was tense, bedtime clothes consisted of sweats and a t-shirt and pillows were thrown, though not in a playful way. Kurt just wasn't sure why. Sure, the New Directions and the Warblers hadn't exactly gotten along that afternoon after the fight about costumes, but the glee clubs were bound to clash. Blaine should have expected it.

"Do you want to tell me why you're mad or am I just supposed to guess," Kurt asked after an evening full of side-eyes and silent treatment.

Blaine turned around from the desk, where he had stopped to jot down some notes for the next day, and leaned back against it. "Dalton didn't really mean that much to you did it?" he asked, both his eyes and his voice accusing. "I mean, what was with all this _our_ school and _your_ uniforms. You act like you never wore the blazer."

Kurt sighed and he sat down on the edge of their bed. "I didn't mean it like that Blaine. Dalton will always be the place where I met the love of my life. But it doesn't mean to me what it does to you."

"Dalton was there for you when you were bullied-"

"You were there for me when I was bullied," Kurt said, getting up and crossing the room to take Blaine's hands in his. "I'm glad that Dalton was the place that you could breathe. But for me it was suffocating."

Blaine looked down at the wedding bands on their linked hands. "I guess I just wish that you had felt more like you belonged there." Blaine looked up at Kurt sadly.

Kurt offered a sad smile back. "And I wish you had felt more like you belonged at McKinley. Especially after I was gone."

"We belonged together. I always believed that," Blaine said.

"I know you did," Kurt answered, leaning in to kiss him softly. "And my head may have had its doubts but my heart never did."

"You think too much, I feel too much," Blaine said, his cheeks blushing as he looked down shyly.

Kurt though lifted his chin. "I love the way you feel," he said, kissing him again, wrapping his arms around Blaine's waist and pulling him close. "In more ways than one," he smirked, but then he brushed a thumb beneath Blaine's eye. "A phoenix doesn't just rise out of the ashes. Its tears heal."

"I love the way you think," Blaine answered, kissing him softly. Then the kiss grew more urgent. "We need our own apartment Kurt."

"Yes," Kurt agreed wholeheartedly. "Yes we do."

* * *

**From Blaine: I need your help with something.**

_From Santana: Blaine. Do you have any idea what you are interrupting?_

**From Blaine: Tana, my honeymoon was less than a week and now I'm living with my father-in-law. I have absolutely no recollection of what I'm interrupting.**

_From Santana: That's tragic. Married two weeks and already the sex life is dead._

**From Blaine: This isn't helping.**

_From Santana: Alright Boyfriend, what's so urgent?_

**From Blaine: I need 25 WMHS blazers in two days. Don't ask.**

_From Santana: Whatever it sounds awesome. I'll send you the contact info for the place that does the Cheerios uniforms. Sue never settled for anything but next day delivery. Just be warned, I'm pretty sure it's 20 ten year old Chinese girls working 15 hours a day in a sweatshop for pennies._

**From Blaine: Way to make me feel good about my awesome idea.**

_From Santana: No problem ;)_

**From Blaine: Ok I'll let you go. Have all the sex. Have some for us too.**

_From Santana: Your wish is my command._

* * *

" _Rise_ was amazing Blaine." Alone in the darkened auditorium, up in their spot tower, Kurt wrapped his arms around his husband's neck. "The blazers are amazing. You are amazing."

"I think we really have a chance at winning sectionals," Blaine said.

"Right now I don't care about sectionals," Kurt whispered. His hands drifted.

Blaine's stomach fluttered. "You know I got blazers for us too."

Kurt's lip quirked and his eyes danced. "For show or for fun?" he asked.

"Maybe both?" Blaine suggested, leaning in. Guiding Kurt down. "Sexier that way, don't you think? We'll wear them for competition but we'll know," he whispered, hovering over Kurt. Kurt licked his lips. "We'll know what we did in them."

"I could offer some really off-colored innuendos right now," Kurt smirked. "About you and me rising."

"But you won't," Blaine purred, pressing his lips to Kurt's. Pressing his body to Kurt's.

Kurt breathlessly agreed. "But I won't."

Their own apartment would be nice. But for now, the place they'd made their own at McKinley was more than perfect.


End file.
